So I’m getting this posted months after my original
deadline, but, uh, just under the most recent one, so that counts for
something, right?
Originally it was supposed to be a smutty little
flashfic, but, good lord they ran away from me.
Anyway! I just wanted to say thanks to all the
amazing readers who’ve enjoyed The Last Thing
He Needs. I’ve met so many awesome people in the last few months, and I’m
incredibly grateful for each one.
One quick reminder! If you haven’t checked out the giveaway post for A Simple Romance
audio edition, there’s still time! I’ve gotten a couple of comments and PMs,
so, ya know, the more the merrier. :)
Things to keep in mind when reading this:
It’s not edited. You’ll understand why I love
editors because, dude. I need them. Also, this isn’t a proper short story, it’s
really just a backstory for Ben and Gavin. 18+ only, please! There’s only one
smutty scene, but it’s definitely adult reading, IMO.
Title: The Best Parts
Characters: Ben and Gavin (Ben was briefly
introduced in The Last Thing He Needs)
Word Count: 11K+
[Edit: I was in such a rush yesterday, I didn't realize my lovely cover didn't show up in the post! *shakes fist* Let's try that again. Cover by my awesome friend Nico Jaye]
[Edit: I was in such a rush yesterday, I didn't realize my lovely cover didn't show up in the post! *shakes fist* Let's try that again. Cover by my awesome friend Nico Jaye]
“Are you still watching the door?” Tony, Gavin’s
best friend and partner in crimes of fashion shook his head and rolled his eyes
under the pulsing lightshow overhead. “He’s been turning you down for a year,
man.”
Gavin turned his back to Tony and rested his head on
his shoulder, pressing close and grinding his ass against him just for the hell
of it. “Not because he wanted to turn
me down.” He felt pretty certain about that. Gavin always paid attention when
Ben was about to hook up with someone. And almost every time it was a slim guy
with a little swish in his walk, blond hair, and wide, willing eyes. He’d seen
Ben slip into the back room or out the side door more than once. More than a
dozen times, really. Gavin always burned with jealousy as he watched Ben take a
guy’s hand and tug him away from the crowd, but it gave him hope too. If Ben
had a type, well, Gavin fit the bill if nothing else. “He’s just been biding
his time.”
“Or avoiding the club slut he peeled off the
bathroom floor last year because he didn’t need the drama….”
Gavin turned sharply and glared at Tony. “Did you seriously just say that?”
The look on Tony’s face was pure innocence and
kindness. Gavin hated it when he made a good point. He especially hated it when
Tony’s points were, well, pointy.
“I’m still a virgin. You have to at least take back
the slut comment.” When Tony looked like he might argue, Gavin added, “Blowjobs
and handjobs don’t count.”
“I want that printed on a T-shirt.” Gavin didn’t
laugh at Tony’s obvious attempt to make up, but it was a near thing. Tony
pulled Gavin into a hug and said, “I’m just sayin’. He’s put you off for a year
and… looks like he’s putting you off tonight, so you might as well have some
fun, okay?”
God. Even more, he hated it when Tony’s pointy
points were accurate. “Fine, let’s go find someone to buy us a drink.”
Tony let himself be dragged toward the bar, but he
didn’t seem to enjoy it. “You have a fake ID, why not buy your own drink?”
“It’s less fun that way.”
****
Ben ran a nervous hand through his hair. He knew he
was about to make the biggest mistake of his life. He’d tried to ignore the
text earlier.
It’s
my birthday. You gonna buy me a drink?
But ignoring Gavin was easier said than done.
Last
time I checked, you’re not 21, kiddo.
That’s
why I need you to buy it for me. >_>
Ben had laughed and hated himself for texting back.
So
you’re using me for free drinks? I’m wounded…
That
would only count if you ever actually bought me one.
True.
And since you’ve got about 3 years to go, I guess you’re out of luck.
He could picture the kid scowling and smiling at the
same time. Goddamn it all. He’d been thinking about Gavin since the first time
he’d seen him. Sprawled out on the dingy floor in a dive bar, drunk or high or
both. Practically a child. Ben had
gotten him on his feet, cleaned him up and taken him home. He’d settled Gavin
on his couch and gone to sleep in his own bed, but when he woke up just before
dawn with Gavin naked, trying to climb under the covers with him, well, hell. Ben
figured he deserved sainthood for turning that down. But even if Gavin had been
legal—which he wasn’t at the time—he wasn’t big on getting off with guys who
were too wasted to know where they were. Call him old fashioned, but he liked
his tricks at least coherent if not sober.
That was over a year ago, though, and since then
Gavin had managed to wiggle his way into Ben’s heart. They were friends. They
laughed together and sometimes danced together, talked for hours some nights.
Gavin had gotten his shit together a little, but
maybe not enough. He’d quit doing the heavy drugs, but he still liked to party.
Sometimes it seemed like he was doing it just to show Ben he wasn’t a kid.
Which was an all-time backfire since only a kid would do that.
But none of that mattered now.
Ben stood in line, passed over the twenty for the
cover charge, and cursed himself for being too stupid to know when to run.
****
Tony arched his brow when Gavin crinkled his nose at
the Shirley Temple in his hand. “Next time give the guy more to go on than
sweet and fruity.”
“I was trying to be cute.”
The laugh Tony let slip was probably well earned,
but it didn’t make Gavin feel much better. Nudging him with his elbow,
grinning, Tony said, “Well, mission accomplished?” Before Gavin could say
anything, Tony’s eyes went wide. “Don’t look, but your favorite tattoo artist
just walked in.”
Every muscle in Gavin’s body went rigid. “Are you
sure it’s him?” He resisted the urge to glance over his shoulder.
“He’s pretty hard to miss.”
Gavin’s heart beat harder in his chest as he tried
to decide how best to handle the situation. “Does he see me yet?”
“I don’t think so, but he’s definitely looking
around….” Tony looked away quickly. “Okay, he’s on his way over here.”
“Shit, um….” With no clear reason why, Gavin thrust
his drink at Tony. “Take this,” he said, panicking. “And, uh… laugh.”
Tony took the drink, looking more than slightly
ridiculous with the pink soda in one hand and his gin and tonic in the other.
“Laugh?”
“Yes, like I just said something really funny.”
“Well you are
funny, but….” Being the best friend a guy could have, Tony threw his head back
and laughed loud and hard. If he ever decided to go into acting, Gavin thought
he might have a shot.
“Did I miss something good?” Ben asked as he stepped
up to them. When he slipped his arm around Gavin’s waist, Gavin nearly jumped.
Turning to face Ben, Gavin wrapped his arm around
one of Ben’s bulky shoulders, his fingertips tracing the colorful pattern that
peeked out from under Ben’s T-shirt. “We were just talking about this guy
that’s been cruising us all night.” He held Ben’s eye as he said it, hoping Ben
wouldn’t turn his attention to Tony. He couldn’t see his friend at the moment,
but he could practically feel Tony’s eyes rolling. “Did you come to buy me that
birthday drink?”
Ben’s smile widened, teasing and sweet. “No,” he said pointedly before he leaned
in and… kissed Gavin’s forehead. “I came to have a dance with the birthday boy
before I head home.”
****
He’d known it was a bad idea, hadn’t he? So why was
he surprised when Gavin took his offer of a dance—not as a gentle letdown, but
as a challenge? Not even a challenge so much as an invitation to let Ben fuck
him right there on the dance floor.
They’d been going at it for less than twenty minutes
and Gavin had plastered himself to Ben. The worst part? It was totally working.
The little shit had Ben so hard in his jeans, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to
ride home without jerking off somewhere first.
As one song faded into another, Gavin pressed
closer—which hardly seemed possible. He ground his hips against Ben and then
looked at him, a knowing expression lighting up Gavin’s eyes.
Damn
it.
“So you are
happy to see me.” Gavin teased. Little bastard that he was, Gavin did another
grind against him and then wrapped both arms around Ben’s shoulders, threading
his fingers into Ben’s hair.
“I never said I wasn’t.” His response probably
sounded more gruff, maybe even hostile, than he’d meant it, but it couldn’t be
helped. He was too busy arguing with the one shred of sanity he had left. The
part that kept telling him to head home, take a cold shower, and maybe move to
another state before sunrise.
“You never said you were, either.” Gavin pointed
out. Ben couldn’t tell if the pout playing on Gavin’s lips was for show or
genuine. He knew for sure when Gavin added more quietly, “You never do,
actually.”
Well that felt like a punch to the gut. The music
was still blaring on all sides, everyone around them was still bouncing and
grinding together, but Ben and Gavin had stopped moving, maybe even stopped
breathing. Ben tightened his arms around Gavin, hugging him, wanting to carry
him out of the club and into the fresh night air. Instead of doing that, he
leaned in close and said against Gavin’s ear, “Maybe that’s because I’m always
glad to see you.” He let himself breathe again, inhale the earthy scent of
Gavin’s cologne, the smell of clean sweat, and something else…vodka? Who the
hell knew. When Gavin didn’t have a comeback for him, Ben added, “Too glad, usually.”
Gavin still hadn’t said anything and Ben started to
wonder if he’d imagined it. Maybe Gavin had finally driven him insane and he’d
snapped, living in his own fantasy world where the two of them made sense,
where wanting to be with a guy half his age didn’t make him some skeevy old
perv, but instead was perfectly natural. Wanting to take care of Gavin and take
him home, not for one night, but for every night, meant he was finally there. Finally the guy he’d wanted to
be. And Gavin was the guy he wanted to be that guy for. Or something like that.
He pulled back to see Gavin’s face, see if he’d
heard him, see if he was ready to laugh now that Ben had finally called his
bluff.
Lost for words? That was a first. Gavin looked like
he was so stunned he couldn’t process anything. Ben couldn’t help the bark of
laughter and he especially couldn’t help hugging the kid and kissing his
forehead. “C’mon,” he said finally, still laughing. “I got you something for your
birthday. Walk me out so I can give it to you?” He didn’t wait for a response.
Instead, he reached for Gavin’s hand and pulled him toward the door.
****
Tony looked just as surprised as Gavin felt as they
passed him on the way to the exit. He still managed to give Gavin a thumbs-up
and a grin, though.
Gavin could only nod and shrug.
The cold air outside tapped him like a slap on his
hot cheeks. June was still a hit-and-miss month weather wise. Even though it
had been fairly warm earlier, as soon as the sun went down, the chill crept up
from wherever it had hidden all day. Gavin was glad for the reality check. The
nip in the air felt like an answer to his
pinch me, I must be dreaming thought process.
Ben pulled him along and kept him close as they made
their way around the building to the alley where Ben had parked his bike. He
was scowling and Gavin couldn’t figure out why until he glanced over his
shoulder and saw two guys watching them. Gay bashers? Wouldn’t that fit right
in with the rest of his life? Less than ten minutes after Ben tells him he’s
always glad to see him, and then they end up in a pool of blood and broken
bones. Fabulous.
But, no, they were just two guys trying to find some
action for the night. The look on Ben’s face must have told them they were
barking up the wrong trees because they turned the other direction.
Gavin realized he still hadn’t said anything when
Ben asked him, “You okay?”
His question was sort of offhanded as he turned and reached
across his bike to open the saddlebag, but he glanced over his shoulder and
searched Gavin’s face at the same time.
“Yeah, just… ears are still ringing, ya know?” Head still spinning would’ve been more
accurate, but he couldn’t really tell Ben that, could he?
Ben only nodded as he faced Gavin and handed him a
booklet and a small box wrapped in shiny blue paper—Gavin’s favorite color—with
sparkly ribbon and little metallic stars hanging off it.
When Gavin started to pick at the paper, wanting to
unwrap it, Ben said, “Open that one later.”
Gavin couldn’t help an exasperated huff, but he
grinned at Ben. “Don’t want me to see what it is while you’re with me?”
Ben actually looked embarrassed and that was better
than whatever was in the box, Gavin was pretty sure.
“Something like that. But... just look at the
college courses, okay?”
Glancing at the booklet, Gavin realized he had a
catalog for the nearest community college in his hand. He and Ben had talked
more than once about what he was going to do with himself after he got out of
high school. Gavin’s plan had been to see what happened. Ben didn’t like that
plan, apparently.
He must have seen something in Gavin’s expression
because Ben said, “Look, don’t get shitty about it, okay? The fact that you
managed to graduate at all while you were couch surfing for over a year,
working, and partying too much…. You’re a hell of a lot smarter than you give
yourself credit for, Gav. Don’t waste it, ya know?”
Gavin nodded again—which seemed all he was capable
of in the last half hour—and Ben took it as an invitation to add to his
previous comment. “Maybe it’ll help you figure out what you want to—”
Before Ben could finish with be when you grow up, Gavin narrowed his eyes, ready to argue, which
made Ben laugh and pull him into another hug. Every protest Gavin had prepared
fell away as he buried his face against Ben’s chest and felt Ben’s breath
against the top of his head.
“I was going to say it might help you figure out
what you want to do with your life.” Ben said gently, a smile evident in his
tone.
Gavin was pretty sure he knew what he wanted to do
with the rest of his life already. Most of it involved being somewhere naked
with Ben, but he couldn’t say that. He knew Ben would push him away (not
unkindly, but firmly) and tell him he was a kid. He’d gotten that same response
the first time he’d tried anything with Ben. And the second. And the twentieth
time, for that matter.
He pulled back just enough to meet Ben’s eyes. “Oh,”
he said stupidly, feeling his cheeks heat again as he bit his lip around a
smile. He still clutched the present in his hand between them, his other arm
wrapped around Ben.
“You got a place to crash tonight?” Ben asked, his
brow knitting together, concern of one kind or another. Invitation, maybe?
Gavin wasn’t sure and couldn’t let himself get his hopes up.
“Steph said I could sleep in the office tonight, but
she forgot to leave me the key. I was gonna ask Tony, but he was hoping to hook
up with the DJ, so….” Everything came out in a breathless rush as Ben pulled
back from him.
Without saying anything else, Ben popped the latch
on the case mounted to the back of his bike. He grabbed his helmet and looked
at Gavin for a beat before he finally spoke. “I only brought one helmet with
me.” He shoved it down on Gavin’s head and grinned. “Your face is prettier than
mine, so you get to wear it. But if I get a ticket tonight, you’re paying it.”
After he hopped on and got the engine going, he turned to look at Gavin again.
“Keep your hands above my waist this time. I nearly wrapped us around a
telephone pole the last time I gave you lift.”
Best
birthday ever.
****
Awesome. Being the brilliant man he was, Ben had
taken a bad idea and turned it into the worst possible plan ever. Gavin clung
to him as they cruised down the city streets, up the hills, and through the
alleys. He held his birthday present in his hand, pressed tightly against Ben’s
chest, as if he couldn’t part with it even long enough to ride home. Well, back
to Ben’s place, at least.
Ben kept trying to tell himself that this was no
different from the other few nights he’d let Gavin sleep over when he had
nowhere else to go. He’d put a blanket and pillow on the couch for Gavin. He’d
sit up for an hour or two and talk with him until Gavin was sleepy enough,
comfortable enough, to nod off. He’d go to his own bed and jerk off thinking
about Gavin, then he’d feel like a perv and a shitty friend, and then he’d fall
asleep too. In the morning he’d make some coffee and run down to the diner
around the corner to pick up some breakfast for them just to make sure Gavin
got some food in him. Ben wasn’t sure, but he had the feeling Gavin didn’t eat
nearly often enough. He pictured the kid living on ramen noodles and stale
chips from vending machines. He hoped he was wrong, but the few times he’d seen
Gavin with his shirt off, Ben had been able to count his ribs.
When Gavin tightened his arms and tensed behind him,
Ben realized how fast he was going and eased off the throttle. He had been so
lost in his own head, he nearly missed the turn for his apartment and pulled up
with a slightly reckless skid in front of the building. Gavin didn’t let go
when he cut the engine, but that might’ve been because he was terrified.
“You should definitely invest in a second helmet.”
Laughing, Ben gently moved Gavin’s hands and
untangled himself from the kid. “I have another helmet, remember? I just didn’t
expect company tonight.” His laughter died when he saw Gavin’s eyes. He looked
like a deer staring down the barrel of a shotgun. “You’re shaking.”
“Yeah, well, near death experiences will do that to
me.”
Ben reached his hand to unbuckle the strap on the
helmet and tugged it off for him. “You were nowhere near death, I promise.”
Gavin moved stiffly as he got to his feet, steadying
himself with a hand on Ben’s shoulder as he awkwardly climbed off the bike.
“Tell that to my bladder. I nearly pissed myself on that last turn.”
With another bark of laughter, unintentional but
unstoppable, Ben took Gavin’s hand and led him to the stairs.
****
The first time Gavin had been in Ben’s apartment,
he’d been surprised. He’d expected to see beer bottles and pizza boxes all over
the living room, milk crates for end tables, a ratty sofa. He didn’t know why
he thought Ben would live like a poor frat boy, but he did. Instead he found a
tidy, comfortable home. A leather couch and overstuffed chair took up most of
the living room and framed photos hung on the wall and sat on shelves with all
kinds of different books. Art books, history books, high fantasy novels. Ben
was one of the only people he knew who still had real paper books. Not to
mention the hundreds of digital copies he kept on his phone. Gavin’s favorite,
though, was the leather bound portfolio of all of Ben’s work.
Without any further invitation, Gavin set his
birthday present down, picked up the portfolio, and started flipping through
the pages.
“There’s nothing new in there,” Ben told him as he
put on some music, something quiet and slow, relaxing. “Haven’t added anything
in a couple months. The book down at the shop has a few, though.”
Gavin had never been to Ben’s shop. He felt enough
like a puppy following him around, he didn’t need to show up at Ben’s job
uninvited. “I still like to look.”
Ducking his head around the corner from the kitchen,
Ben said, “Suit yourself. You hungry?”
“Nah, Tony took me to dinner and Steph bought me
lunch.” After looking at his favorites in the portfolio, Gavin set it back down
on the coffee table. “Birthdays are great for free food,” he added before going
over to the fireplace to look at the pictures on the mantel. He’d seen them all
before, but one stood out this time. He wasn’t sure if he’d never noticed it or
if it was new. Two men, wrapped around each other, smiled happily under the glass.
“Hey, who are these guys?” he asked as Ben came back into the living room.
He could feel Ben come up behind him. Not quite
touching, but close enough to radiate heat. Ben’s breath tickled his skin as he
leaned over Gavin’s shoulder and looked at the photograph. “My ex and his
husband.”
“You guys are still friends?”
“Yeah, hell, he’s one of my best friends.”
“Why’d you two break up?”
“He wanted…more.” Ben said with a shrug, adding, “I
wanted a good time.”
“Can’t you have both?”
“You can, but I didn’t know that at the time. I was
young when we got together.”
“How young?”
Ben snorted a laugh. “Twenty five.”
“That’s not that young.”
“Not when you’re eighteen, but now… it’s young.”
Gavin turned and was surprised when Ben didn’t pull
back. He looked long and hard at Ben’s face, the laugh lines around his eyes,
the few gray hairs in his stubble and shaggy brown hair. “How old are you,
anyway?”
Ben leaned closer and dipped his head. Almost close enough to kiss Gavin, but he didn’t. He whispered, “You’ve never asked me that before.”
“I’m asking now.”
Ben’s smile turned predatory, playful. “More than
twice your age. I’ve got regrets older than you. Does that bother you?”
“I wouldn’t say that, no. How much more than half?”
“I’m thirty seven. You do the math.” Ben laughed again
and finally pulled away.
“That’s not that bad.”
In response, Ben chuckled and lifted a brow.
“I mean… when I’m thirty, you won’t even be fifty.”
When Ben let out another loud laugh, Gavin could
feel his skin heat with embarrassment. He could get nearly any guy he so much
as looked at, but Ben? Ben made him feel like a stupid kid without even meaning
to. Well, he assumed Ben didn’t mean to.
“I’ll be close enough, kiddo.”
Gavin huffed in annoyance and crossed his arms over
his chest. “I’m an adult now, Ben.”
He could tell Ben was trying not to laugh again. His
brown eyes softened and he stepped closer, putting his big hands on Gavin’s
shoulders. “No adult feels the need to point that out.” He’d said the words gently,
but Gavin still bristled.
“You’re an asshole, ya know that?”
Ben pulled him close and wrapped an arm around his
waist. He reached his other hand higher, tangling his fingers in Gavin’s hair.
“I’m glad you finally figured that out. I’ve been trying to tell you as much
for months.”
All of a sudden there was far less air in the room
than there had been moments earlier. Ben held him tight, their bodies pressed
together, as the music in the background seemed to surround them. Ben was
dancing with him. Not the way they danced at clubs and parties when the hard
rhythm pushed them faster, sent them into the space of others around them. This
was different. Tender, slow. Gavin felt like he was in the middle of his own
movie scene. But not the wild porn he’d hoped this night would turn into.
Instead, he was in the middle of a chick-flick-gone-gay.
When Ben said, “You really are beautiful, ya know?”
Gavin couldn’t help laughing. Not because he didn’t like hearing it from Ben,
but when he pictured himself giving Tony the play-by-play of the night, he knew
how cheesy it would sound.
“You have the weirdest seduction routine. I’m just
sayin’.”
****
He’d already shared too much with Gavin. Not just
tonight, but nearly every night since they met. Gavin knew more about him than
most of his friends, more than his family too, but that was only because there
are things you just can’t tell your mother or sister.
Ben knew he was in deep enough already. He should
let go of Gavin—literally and figuratively—and move on, let them both move on.
That didn’t feel like an option, though.
He tightened his hold on Gavin and dipped his head,
brushing his stubbled cheek next to Gavin’s smooth, soft skin. “I don’t have a
routine,” he whispered. When Gavin pulled back, just enough to see his face,
Ben added, “And even if I did, I doubt I could think clearly enough around you
to use it.”
The look he got for that simple, somewhat painful
admission was worth all the cold showers and cheap hookups he’d had over the
past several months. Gavin’s eyes widened with surprise, a smile tugged at his
lips, but mostly he stared in disbelief.
Yeah, totally worth it.
Fighting his own smile, Ben asked quietly, “You sure
you aren’t hungry?”
Gavin blinked once, slowly, then again. “I… What?”
They were still dancing, shuffling their feet in a
clumsy box step, almost a waltz, but not quite. Ben pulled him closer. “Want me
to make you something?” The kid really did need to eat more.
A sweet flush crept up Gavin’s pale skin, spreading
over his neck to his cheeks. “No, I….” He breathed out a laugh and buried his
face against Ben’s shoulder. “That’s not what I thought you were going to ask.”
Ben slipped his hand between them, tucked his
fingers under Gavin’s chin and tilted his face up. He traced his thumb against
Gavin’s lower lip and smiled when Gavin looked him in the eye. “I hoped I
wouldn’t have to ask for anything
else.”
Not saying anything at first, Gavin stopped moving.
Ben could feel the sharp intake of his breath, maybe even a small tremor
running through Gavin’s slight frame, as if his blood thrummed too hard in his
veins. “You don’t.” he whispered against the touch of Ben’s thumb.
A first kiss shouldn’t feel like a do-or-die moment,
but it did. Ben knew if he did what he wanted to, there was no going back. No
matter what happened afterward, he couldn’t undo it—for better or worse. Maybe
knowing that should’ve made it harder but Ben held Gavin’s eye for one more
moment, considered all the rights and wrongs for the span of a heartbeat, and
then he leaned in and touched his lips to Gavin’s.
****
Gavin didn’t know what he’d expected—Fireworks,
maybe? Spontaneous orgasm?—but instead, all he could think about was how
perfectly right his world suddenly seemed.
When he inhaled, Ben pushed his tongue gently into Gavin’s mouth and
made a sound Gavin had never heard before, not from Ben anyway. Something close
to a growl, all heat and want, maybe even desperation. Then Gavin was sure. All
this time, all those lingering looks, all those slight touches, all the
concern—it wasn’t all in his head. Gavin hadn’t been living off wishful
thinking.
Ben wanted him, maybe even more than Gavin had
hoped.
Spontaneous orgasm didn’t seem all that unlikely
when Ben slipped his hands lower, running over Gavin’s ass and then suddenly
lifting him up. Gavin gasped and broke the kiss, unable to stop the grin on his
face as he wrapped his legs around Ben’s hips. He fit nicely against Ben’s
solid frame, felt secure as Ben made his way down the hall to the bedroom.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, Gavin had
expected to be settled gently onto the mattress, like a maiden on her wedding
night. When Ben nearly tossed him onto the middle of the bed, Gavin’s laugh was
loud and surprised.
“You’re heavier than you look,” Ben teased him as he
kicked off his shoes and leaned over Gavin. “And you’re wearing way too many
clothes.”
Ben took care of that problem faster than Gavin
thought possible. Within seconds, Ben had stripped him, leaving light, tickling
kisses over every inch of exposed skin. Gavin’s muscles jumped under Ben’s warm
breath, the feel of his scruffy stubble, the nip of his teeth. He could feel
goose bumps rising with every touch and even heard himself whimper when Ben’s
cheek grazed his cock.
With a gentle touch, Ben pushed Gavin’s legs back,
spreading his thighs so he could get closer. When Ben slid lower, trailing his
tongue over Gavin’s balls, Gavin dropped his hand into Ben’s hair. He twisted
his fingers in, tugged gently, and then stilled. He wasn’t sure, but he thought
he could feel Ben smile against his skin.
“If you don’t stop, you’re gonna make me come before
you even take off your shirt.” Gavin whispered, panting lightly even as Ben
dipped his head farther down and slid his tongue over Gavin’s entrance. “Shit.” The head of his cock was already
slick with precome, smearing against his stomach with every shift of his hips.
When Ben pushed his tongue inside, Gavin shuddered, his bare feet resting
against Ben’s shoulders, toes curling.
They were in uncharted territory now. Gavin had
given his share of blowjobs, received plenty too, but this? The feel of Ben’s
tongue pushing deeper, slick and warm, Ben’s fingers spreading him open, giving
him better access, it was damn near too much. At the same time, it wasn’t quite
enough.
Ben didn’t stop at first, when Gavin muttered his
name, but when Gavin twisted his fingers tighter into Ben’s hair and tugged
again, Ben lifted his head. His breath rushed out in harsh pants, his lips wet
as he nuzzled against Gavin’s inner thigh before asking, “You okay?”
“Yeah, just….” Okay wasn’t really the right word. Fantastic, maybe. Terrified, definitely. “Just wanted you to kiss me,” he whispered,
unable to get enough air into his lungs to move the words with any more
conviction. Not that he was lying. He just wasn’t telling the whole truth,
either.
“I was
kissing you.” Amusement lit up Ben’s deep brown eyes. As he shifted over Gavin,
he left a trail of playful kisses over his stomach and chest, his shoulders,
his neck, and finally, Gavin’s mouth.
Gavin fisted his hand into Ben’s T-shirt, tangling
his other into Ben’s hair as he pulled Ben over him. The rough denim of Ben’s
jeans brushed against his skin, almost painful against his erection until he
was able to wiggle and shift slightly higher, wrap himself around Ben’s body.
Apparently the way he moved did something for Ben
because Gavin got a deep moan from him as Ben kissed him harder. He pulled back
with a sharp breath and looked in Gavin’s eyes, trailing his fingertips up the
side of Gavin’s face and into his hair. “If you end up giving me a heart attack
tonight, just know that I’m going to my grave happy.”
Laughing, Gavin tugged at Ben’s shirt as he tried to
push it up higher, wanting it off. “I’ll be sure and tell the paramedics that
as they roll you off me.”
Ben pulled back onto his knees and reached his hand
over his shoulder so he could pull his shirt off. “Mention it in the eulogy
too.” He tossed the shirt aside and then paused as Gavin trailed a hand over
his chest.
Gavin couldn’t look away. He’d never seen Ben naked
before, only little hints of different tattoos on his arms or creeping out from
under his shirt or the top of his jeans when he stretched. “I’ve never seen all
your ink.” Nearly every inch was covered in dark lines, filled in with bright,
beautiful colors.
Ben quirked an eyebrow, his expression only slightly
smug, amused. “Should I turn off the lights so you’re not distracted?”
Unable to say anything, Gavin only shook his head in
answer, still mapping out every image with his fingers, as if he could read the
story they were trying to tell. When the pictures drifted lower, into the top
of Ben’s jeans, Gavin followed, tugging the buttons on Ben’s fly until they
slowly popped open one by one. He slid his hands against Ben’s skin and pushed
his jeans down.
God, there were tattoos everywhere.
Ben shifted over him again, and it only took Gavin a
second to realize he was pushing his jeans off, kicking them to the floor along
with his socks. No underwear. Why was that such a turn on?
The ink on Ben’s body sprawled down his legs, even
covered the tops of his feet. One of the few bare areas was just past his
hipbones in the dark thatch of hair around his cock. Gavin trailed his
fingertip in a smooth line up Ben’s shaft and glanced up to see his face. Ben
closed his eyes and Gavin could feel him shudder. “Nothing here?”
With a laugh, Ben leaned in and caught Gavin’s mouth
in another kiss. “No,” he whispered, kissing Gavin again before shifting
against him, fitting himself between Gavin’s thighs and grinding his hips
against him. “Some hurt more than others, but I’m not interested in finding out
how much that would hurt.”
Gavin’s breath released in a quick rush, part
whimper and part groan as Ben rocked against him, their slick erections sliding
together between them. “Fair point,” he whispered, hearing the tremor in his
own voice.
When Ben reached over him, pulling the drawer on his
nightstand open and coming back with a condom and a bottle of lube, Gavin
figured it was time for his big reveal. “Hey, um,” On the scale of awkward
admissions, being a virgin barely registered. It’s not like he was about to
tell Ben he was positive or into varsity level kink, right? “Just so ya know, I mean….”
Curiosity and (always) concern registered on Ben’s
face as he stilled, holding his weight off Gavin with one elbow on the
mattress. He didn’t say anything, only waited for Gavin to go on.
“I haven’t, like… I mean, I’ve done stuff,
obviously, but I’ve never…”
“Bottomed?”
Relief washed through Gavin when Ben finished his
sentence so plainly for him. “Right. Or topped, for that matter.” Gavin bit his
lip and watched Ben’s face, trying to read his expressions. He didn’t have much
luck because Ben simply looked at him, as if he’d forgotten where they were
headed and was trying to remember.
****
Well. If he hadn’t felt like a dirty old man before,
he would now. “Okay,” Ben whispered roughly. He knew there was probably a
better response, but he couldn’t think beyond the one simple word. He searched
his memory, going over the mental list of his first sexual experiences. Not the
actual first, because that was painful and awkward and unsatisfying. Two
bumbling teens, groping and rutting against each other. No lube, no condoms,
and no clue.
But later—years later—it had gotten better. Ben had
found different men in every corner of the country. Teachers, lovers, friends.
He learned his own body, learned what he liked and what he didn’t like, what he
could put up with for someone, and what he absolutely couldn’t be bothered to
do.
Leaning closer, Ben brushed a kiss against Gavin’s
mouth as he trailed his hand lower and wrapped his fingers around Gavin’s cock
with a slow stroke. “We’re not gonna do anything you don’t wanna do tonight,
all right?”
Gavin inhaled against his mouth and then dropped his
head to the pillow. “I know,” he whispered. His bright blue eyes only held
trust as he looked at Ben and wasn’t that enough to tip things over the edge?
“I didn’t say I don’t want to. I just thought you
should know.”
Ben could only nod in response as he stroked Gavin’s
cock in a loose grip, trailing his thumb over the slick crown until Gavin
gasped.
“You should probably stop that, though.”
Gavin dropped his hand to cover Ben’s and Ben nearly
laughed even as he leaned in for another kiss. “I’ll take care of you.” His
words were a whispered promise and if Gavin was paying attention—and the kid
seemed like he was always paying
attention—he hopefully understood everything Ben meant. Taking care of Gavin
was all he wanted to do. Not just tonight, not just in bed. He wanted Gavin
someplace safe and well fed, someplace he could call home.
When Gavin gave him a tentative smile, slipped his
free hand over Ben’s shoulder and pulled him closer, Ben brushed his lips
against Gavin’s neck and inhaled deeply.
“You’ve been taking care of me since the first night
we met.” Gavin’s words were barely audible, hesitant, as if he was connecting
the dots in his head, puzzling out an answer he was afraid of—or maybe afraid
to hope for.
“When you let
me,” Ben countered. He hoped the tease was clear in his tone. Gavin didn’t make
things easy for him on any level. Even when he really needed something, Gavin
would often reject it outright when it was offered. More than once Ben had to
insist and leave no room for arguments. “So let me take care of you tonight.”
He punctuated the words with one more steady stroke over Gavin’s cock before
letting go.
Gavin let out a shaky breath and nodded. His skin
flushed beautifully as Ben reached for the lube and slicked his fingers.
“It’ll hurt,” Ben whispered, kissing Gavin again. “I
can’t take that away, but I can make it easier.”
“I know,” Gavin told him, letting out a small gasp
as Ben slid his finger against the tight ring of muscle, pushing in and pulling
out in slow, easy motions. “I’m not totally clueless, just…” His voice caught
on another sharp breath, almost a laugh as he went on, “Just new.”
Ben took his time. He watched every small expression
flit across Gavin’s face, watched the way Gavin’s muscles pulled and twitched
all over his lithe body. He couldn’t remember ever using so much lube on a guy,
but every time he thought Gavin might be ready, he decided to wait a little
longer.
Maybe, if he were honest with himself, he was just
scared shitless.
By the time Gavin looked ready to fly apart, Ben had
decided to just get him off like that—fingers, tongue, mouth. He figured he
could push Gavin over the edge with nothing more than a quick stroke over the
head of Gavin’s cock. His own erection ached to be inside Gavin, but he
couldn’t bring himself to do it. At least, he didn’t think he could. But when
Gavin whimpered his name and muttered a simple please Ben didn’t have much of a choice.
He nearly fumbled the condom more than once, could
barely get the damn thing open with his shaking hands, but he finally managed
to get it on. Then he froze. Gavin stared at him with his bright, trusting
eyes. A look of impatience mingled with something close to terror in his
expression, but he reached for Ben anyway.
Chewing the inside of his cheek, Ben closed himself
around Gavin. He knew he should turn him over, get him into an easier position,
but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. All he wanted was to hold Gavin, watch
his face when he came, see if he could read Gavin’s thoughts, sense his needs.
And wasn’t that a ridiculous idea? Being with Gavin
was going to turn him into a mind reader?
And a poet, apparently. Because this? Touching the
head of his cock against Gavin’s entrance, pushing in and pulling back when he
gasped, Gavin’s skin flushing so prettily, his eyes widening, his muscles
tensing and then easing so Ben could push in again. It deserved a fucking
sonnet. A love song.
Burying himself deep inside Gavin felt like a
goddamn masterpiece in the making.
****
Gavin had been so close to the edge before Ben even
got the condom on, he’d expected it to be a little…less painful? He’d at least
thought it would be easy, if not the best feeling of his life.
He was wrong, at least at first.
Ben’s tenderness and achingly slow motions were an
unintentional torture. There came a point where—fully committed and unwilling
to say “never mind, just kidding!”—all Gavin wanted was to get it over with. He
wanted Ben to move faster, harder against him. If he couldn’t get off tonight,
maybe Ben could at least. Maybe if they hurried it along, Gavin could go take a
warm shower and then sit on an icepack until the morning came. Then he could
tuck his bruised ego away with his bruised ass and go back to blowjobs.
“You okay?” Ben’s voice teetered on anguish, but he
managed the words. “Need me to go slower, baby?”
Baby.
God. Gavin did love that. Ben usually reserved that one for when he was
especially drunk and they were talking on the phone in the middle of the night.
Or, once, only a couple of months earlier when Gavin had turned up on his
doorstep, shivering, crying. He’d been to see his mom, tried again to get her
to even look at him. That had ended like most things with his mother ended: badly.
Ben had been the only person in the world he’d felt like seeing that night.
Thankfully, he had opened his door and then pulled Gavin in for a warm, tight
hug.
But, wait. Slower?
God no.
With his jaw clenched tight and his teeth grinding
together, it was hard to get the words out. “Need more, Ben. Please.”
If it was ever going to end, he needed more. Didn’t
actually want more, but he couldn’t
tell Ben that.
Gavin closed his eyes when Ben growled against his
neck and thrust in deep and hard. Pain shot through him again, his body tensed
and he held his breath. Then Ben shifted his weight, pushed Gavin’s legs
farther back and drove in with one steady push and everything changed.
Every move Ben made seemed to wake up a different
nerve ending in Gavin. In a good way, surprisingly enough. Where the pain had
seemed endless, the fullness too much to take, all of a sudden, it was all he
wanted. His body was alive for what felt like the first time, pulsing with
sparks of heat that chased down his spine, lit up his fingers, his toes. His
balls tightened and his cock started to get hard again. Which Gavin had thought
was a thing of the past. A moment earlier he didn’t think he’d ever get hard
again. Now, as Ben built a heavy rhythm, as his breath beat against Gavin’s
skin, as their bodies grew hot and slick with sweat, Gavin started to wonder
why the hell he’d thought this was a bad idea.
Ben pulled back again, catching Gavin’s eye when
Gavin looked at him. “Better?” he asked, and Gavin couldn’t even nod, couldn’t
say a word. All that came out was a sharp grunt when Ben thrust into him again.
He bit his lips between his teeth and moaned into his closed mouth. “I’ll take
that as a yes,” Ben whispered, staying just as he was, grinding his hips in
quick, short strokes.
Gavin reached a hand up to Ben’s shoulder. He
splayed his pale fingers against the patterns, the story of Ben’s life, and it
seemed perfect, a different kind of art. Like Gavin could blend in there, weave
himself into Ben’s rich history, his colorful world.
Another harsh groan slipped from Ben’s mouth with
another heavy thrust and Gavin lost track of everything else. When Ben said,
“Stroke yourself,” in his rough, deep voice, Gavin didn’t have to think. He
simply dropped his hand from Ben’s shoulder and wrapped his fingers around his
cock. Ben’s brow furrowed and he muttered something that sounded a lot like so fucking beautiful and then they were
both climbing higher, getting closer to the edge together.
Only a few minutes passed before Gavin’s world
narrowed to the porn-worthy sound of skin slapping on skin. Their bodies hot
and slick, their voices raising in gasps and moans, until finally, Ben drove in
just hard enough in just the right spot at just the right second. Gavin grazed
his thumb over the head of his cock and he was coming between them, spilling
out white heat as he muttered Ben’s name.
Maybe that was what Ben had been waiting for. Gavin
thought so, because as his body thrummed with release, as he shuddered through
it, Ben offered one last heavy thrust and then he stilled. His face froze for a
moment, his voice sounding harsh, ruined as he cried out and then, finally,
collapsed on Gavin.
The weight of Ben’s body was more comforting than
he’d expected and the hot rush of Ben’s breath against his ear sent another
shudder through Gavin. Then he heard, “Christ
I love you.”
Gavin’s eyes flew open in surprise. Ben was wrapped
around him, holding him tight, still inside him. Gavin looked up at the
ceiling, the room framed against Ben’s shoulder. For a moment he tried to
decide if Ben had actually said it or if he’d imagined it. The whole night was
starting to feel like some kind of dark magic, a gift from ancient gods to make
up for a shitty life. Then, after a few more seconds passed and Gavin decided
it might be real, he tried to decide if he should say anything. He’d been in
love with Ben since the first time Ben smiled at him, but he’d never admitted
it to anyone. The idea alone made him feel like he was too young to throw the
word around.
Thankfully Ben didn’t seem to need a response. Or
maybe he was trying to pretend he’d never said anything, because when he pulled
back, he looked at Gavin like he always did. His brown eyes were lit up with
tenderness, his smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, and then he leaned in
and kissed Gavin soundly before he slowly pulled out.
****
Maybe Gavin hadn’t heard him. And that was probably
for the best, right? Because, seriously, I’m
coming and oh-by-the-way-I-love-you is kind of ridiculous. Who does that?
He hadn’t meant to say it, but once the words were out, part of him had been
relieved. The rest of him was in a cold panic, sure, but there was one small
fragment that was glad he’d finally let it out. Gavin had been chasing him for
a full year now, and Ben was ready to be caught.
Despite how ridiculous the idea of them together
was.
He made quick work of the cleanup without saying
anything else and when he had finished, he tucked Gavin up against him, covered
them both and reached for the lamp. Maybe he just needed a good night’s sleep
to clear his head and let this kid go.
“Don’t,” Gavin said quietly, reaching his hand out
to stop Ben from turning off the light. He turned in Ben’s arms and pushed him
onto his back. “I wanna see.”
Gavin looked bashful as hell, but he crawled on top
of Ben and started tracing his fingertips over Ben’s skin.
“Can’t you see in the morning?” Ben asked, quirking
a brow, unable to stop his smile as he looked at Gavin.
At first, Gavin only shook his head in answer. Then,
as his fingers landed on Ben’s oldest, and probably his favorite tattoo, Gavin
said, “This one isn’t your design.”
How he knew that was a mystery, but Ben nodded. He
didn’t have to look down to know which one Gavin was talking about. He could
feel Gavin running over the amateurish lines of the wolf, baying at the moon.
“Did your friend do this one?” Ben was pretty sure
he knew which friend Gavin was talking about, but Gavin added in an apologetic
whisper, “The one who died?”
Jeremy had been his best friend since the second
grade. They’d been more like brothers than buddies. They were technically
distant cousins, but Ben hadn’t learned that until Jeremy’s funeral when he was
seventeen. Fucking leukemia.
“How’d you know that?”
Gavin looked surprised by the question, but he
answered anyway. “You never fixed it. It’s never been touched up, or…. I just
figured that was probably why.”
Well, hell. The kid paid even closer attention than
Ben had realized. With a shrug, Ben said, “I’ve thought about fixing it, could
probably do it myself in the mirror, but….”
“Sometimes the imperfections are what make it
perfect.”
Damn. Ben nodded in answer. He didn’t know what to
say to that. Gavin was right, of course, but looking up into Gavin’s face, the
way his blond hair fell over his eyes, his full lips flushed pink against
alabaster skin…. On the surface, Gavin was the embodiment of perfection, but
Ben knew him better than that. Gavin’s scars just ran too deep to see, even up
close.
Before Ben could say anything else, Gavin slid his
hand higher, resting it over Ben’s heart. “Why don’t you have anything here?”
The answer to that one was more embarrassing than
Ben realized, at least when he had to admit it to Gavin. “Saving that for
something special. I’ll know it when I find it.”
Gavin didn’t ask for anything further, thank God,
but he did inch his way lower. He skipped over the few places he’d looked at
earlier, when Ben had stripped off his clothes. Gavin traced the line work down
his thigh, over his kneecap, down his shin. Those ones were nothing special,
almost like doodles that Ben had tried to work into a coherent design of leaves
and flowers, vines. Gavin seemed to know without asking that they were only
decorative with no real meaning behind them.
He paused to tickle Ben’s feet, made him flinch and
jump and laugh, before he finally slid off him. Ben thought he might be allowed
to sleep now, but, no. “Turn over.” Gavin said, his voice quiet, with a hint of
childish demand in it.
Ben did what he was asked, rolling his eyes and
grinning as he tucked a pillow under his chin before he spread his arms out for
Gavin.
He could picture each line as Gavin found them with
his fingers, tickling here and there, and Ben waited for the laugh when Gavin
moved higher.
Something close to a giggle slipped out when Gavin
asked, “Why do you have a giant rainbow-colored rose on your ass?”
Unable to stop the groan with his answer, Ben buried
his face in the pillow and said, “Because I was drunk and my friends are
dicks.”
Gavin laughed again, but he sounded like he was at
least trying to stop himself. “You really need a pair of assless leather pants
for that one.”
“Never would I ever.”
Gavin leaned over him and pressed a kiss just behind
Ben’s ear. “Not even for me?”
For
you? Probably. “No, not even for you.”
He didn’t say anything else, but Gavin did laugh
again as he pulled back. He traced one finger up Ben’s spine and then trailed
it over his lower back.
“That one’s—”
“Shh, lemme see if I can guess.”
Ben settled again and let Gavin work his way over
each bit of ink. His back was one solid design, a landscape of his life, or the
parts that really mattered at least.
When Gavin swept the palm of his hand over the ocean
tide, Ben closed his eyes and pictured it. It felt good, having Gavin touch him
like this, as if he were memorizing every detail. But there was something
vulnerable about it too. Most people—guys at the gym, even lovers—who’d seen
him naked just looked, sometimes curious, sometimes admiringly, but it never
felt like there was anything beyond that. When Gavin sat quietly and studied
his body, touching the pictures and the muscles beneath, it felt like Gavin was
reading him, absorbing every painful
moment, every joy, every memory. It was unsettling, even if he didn’t want it
to end.
“That’s your dad,” Gavin said quietly, his fingertip
running over each wave on the choppy, unpredictable sea. His father had been a
fisherman, so that one was maybe an easy guess. But when Gavin ran his hand
higher, outlined the full moon above the sandy shore and said, “That’s your
mom.” Ben felt his stomach flinch. The kid knew him too well. “Always pulling
him back.”
Gavin spent a few moments on the spindly tree that
wrapped around his ribs and reached high on his shoulder, scraping the
invisible sky under the moon, but he didn’t comment. Instead he searched over
to the other side, and traced the two lonely gulls flying high above. “That’s
you and your sister.”
Ben had to ask, “How’d you know?”
Leaning close again, kissing his left shoulder where
the two birds flew together, Gavin said, “You always say your parents gave you
roots and wings.”
Yeah, Gavin definitely paid attention.
When he sat back again, he moved his hand over to
the tree, as if he’d been considering it the whole time. When Gavin circled a
small spot, Ben was sure he was tracing the outline of another small bird, frail
and huddled on the longest branch. “Your baby brother?”
Ben only nodded against the pillow. Talking about
Hunter was never an easy topic for him, but Gavin knew that already. Fucking
car crashes. Fucking drunk drivers. Hunter had been three, Ben five. His mother
was pregnant with Anna, close to term and ready to burst. Their father had
taken the month off to be home when the baby was born. He’d dropped Ben off at
school that morning, taken Hunter with him so their mother could get some rest.
If Ben hadn’t dragged his feet that morning, or if he’d managed to talk his
parents into letting him stay home from school, if they hadn’t gotten caught at
the red light, or if they’d managed to get through the railroad tracks before
the signal started and the train crossed, if they’d been on time that morning,
maybe Hunter would still be alive.
As it turned out, that morning—like just about
everything else in life—was about chance and timing. Ben was late for school,
rushing to hop out of the car when his father dropped him off. Hunter was
sitting in the front seat with a lap belt fastened around him, loose,
pointless, but not uncommon for the time. Nowadays, a father driving around
with a little kid like that would be a criminal, but then? He was just a dad
out with his son.
Instead of turning right toward home, they’d taken a
left turn, probably headed for the park. A car ran the light and T-boned them on
Hunter’s side. Ben hadn’t been there, had only heard about it in whispers and
sobs, but that didn’t stop his little boy brain from picturing it, dreaming
about it for years.
Anna was born two days later. She came into the
world bloodied and crying, shaking her little fists—or so their mother said.
She came into a world of grief and mourning, to a woman crying for too many
reasons to count. They bundled her up in a white satin blanket and she rested
quietly in their father’s arms at Hunter’s funeral. A bright spot of hope in a
sea of black.
“So the tree,” Gavin started quietly. He pulled Ben
out of his thoughts so quickly, it was like being jerked out of a dream.
“That’s, what? Heaven?”
More
or less. Ben thought. “That’s family.” he said instead.
“There’s a branch for everyone that’s gone now. My grandparents, Dad, my
favorite aunts and uncles….” There was one for Jeremy too, but Ben figured
Gavin knew that without saying.
Anyone looking at Ben would never know he carried
the names on his skin, sealed in blood and ink. Everyone who ever mattered to
him had a small sacred space, in his heart and on his body.
Gavin sat quietly for another long moment. He moved
his hands from Ben’s back and shoulders up into his hair. Gavin stroked him
like he might with a restless animal, petting Ben, maybe trying to comfort him.
“I think that’s beautiful,” he whispered finally before sliding off to Ben’s
side. The words sounded like condolences and wishes and loneliness all wrapped
up together. Ben realized then that Gavin had very few names he’d carry with
him. His family wasn’t really family.
They were distant at best, hateful more often than not. Gavin had to make his
own family, and lying there next to him, it dawned on Ben that Gavin had chosen
him for that roster with very few others.
The idea choked him up, but rather than say
anything, he turned onto his side again and pulled Gavin as close as he could,
wrapped himself around Gavin and tugged the blankets higher. He kissed Gavin’s
temple, held him tight and hoped Gavin could settle down enough to get some
sleep.
“You can turn the light off now, if you want.”
Right. Ben wanted to stay exactly where he was, but
he thought Gavin wouldn’t have mentioned it if he hadn’t wanted it dark and
quiet, so he shifted a little, turned off the lamp, and made himself
comfortable again.
Gavin wiggled against him, reminding Ben of a cat
trying to find the right spot on its favorite chair. When he was done, Gavin
had somehow burrowed nearly under Ben’s side, Ben’s arm and leg wrapped around,
Gavin tucked comfortably against him.
Ben lived alone, but he thought if anyone were to walk in, they wouldn’t
even see Gavin there, hidden away from the world, Ben his shelter. He liked
that idea way too much.
After a long, silent few moments, when Ben thought
Gavin had actually fallen asleep, Gavin asked, “Hey, Ben?” Ben didn’t respond
beyond tightening his arms around Given and kissing the top of his head. Gavin
must have taken it for an invitation to go on. “Earlier, when… uh, when you
said…. I mean, was that like, thanks for the orgasm, or…?”
Ben didn’t have to ask what he was talking about.
“It was or. But, thanks for the orgasm.”
He could feel Gavin’s little rush of breath against
his skin and—Ben was almost sure—Gavin’s lips turning up in a smile.
“I love you too.”
Maybe Gavin fell asleep after that. It took Ben a
lot longer, though. He lay awake for another hour or so thinking how
complicated his life just got. He felt like a fool for being happy about it,
but his father had told him once that love thrived in complication, in the
messiest parts of the soul. The best parts.
****
Gavin had the day off, but Ben didn’t. They’d both
slept late, Gavin only stirring when Ben got up to take a shower. He thought
about joining Ben, but changed his mind and decided to make some breakfast for
them both. Lunch? The clock said it was well after noon. Brunch, he decided as he made his way to the kitchen, feeling aches
and twinges with every step.
Poking around the cupboards and refrigerator was an
eye opening experience for Gavin. Canned soup, frozen dinners, every kind of
condiment known to man, and half a dozen eggs were the only things Ben had on
hand. The recycle bin was full of takeout boxes, so it was obvious Ben did eat,
but Jesus. The man seriously needed to step up his game in the cooking
department.
Upon further inspection, he found some cheese in the
back of the refrigerator and two apples that looked lonely and forgotten in the
vegetable crisper. Gavin rolled his eyes and got to work, scraping the mold off
the cheese and whipping the eggs.
By the time Ben shuffled into the kitchen, Gavin had
plated the omelets and was about to pull the baked apples from the oven. Ben
didn’t say anything, but Gavin could feel him standing there, watching.
“What kind of man has six different kinds of gourmet
coffee, but lives off canned soup?”
Ben laughed and stepped up behind him as Gavin set
the baking dish on the stovetop and closed the oven door.
“The kind who eats out every night.”
When Ben slipped his arms around Gavin’s waist,
Gavin turned to face him. “You could probably go to Europe on what you spend
eating out every day for a year.” He smiled as he lifted up on his toes and
brushed a light kiss over Ben’s lips. “I’m just sayin’.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Ben kissed him again
before he pulled back. “Smells good in here.” He stepped to the counter and
picked up a bit of cheese from a paper towel. Gavin didn’t think anything of it
at first, still focused on the task at hand.
When he caught Ben munching on the cheese, Gavin
suddenly remembered why that was a bad idea. “That’s the cheese mold.” He
couldn’t help laughing as Ben made a face and spit it out into the sink.
“The garbage disposal works, ya know.” Ben dumped
the rest of the shaved cheese into the sink and turned the water on before he
flipped the switch. When he was finished, Gavin was still laughing. “I’m not as
hungry as I was a minute ago.”
“It’s not my fault half the stuff in here is old
enough to kill you.” Gavin set the food on the small table by the sliding glass
door that led out to Ben’s deck.
Ben let the comment go with a laugh as he got
himself a cup of coffee. He added two spoons of sugar to it, but no cream.
Gavin watched and made a mental note on how Ben took his coffee, wondering if
he didn’t bother with cream because he didn’t like it or because there wasn’t
so much as a drop in the fridge.
“Where’d you learn to cook?” Ben asked. The two of
them sat down at the table across from each other. It felt very domestic and
very right to Gavin, even though the thought embarrassed him.
****
Ben knew he should focus on eating his breakfast and
getting out the door for work. All he wanted to do was look at Gavin, though.
He’d been disappointed when he’d gotten out of the shower and found his bed
empty, but it was probably for the best. He didn’t think he could’ve resisted
climbing back in if Gavin had been there, and he was going to be late already.
“We all took turns cooking and cleaning at home. I
picked up a few things, watched cooking shows and stuff.” Gavin shrugged and
looked almost sad, but not quite.
Ben knew the stories of Gavin’s home life. Gavin’s
mother had always treated him distantly. She treated all seven of her kids
distantly. Being a mother was one of her burdens, a cross to bear, a duty to
God. His father wasn’t much different. He reared Gavin and his brothers and
sisters with a Bible in one hand and belt in the other.
Not that religion was what made shitty parents.
Ben’s own mother was pretty devout too. She had taught them their prayers when
they were little, dressed them up nice and took them to church. When Ben’s
brother died, she had prayed then too. She lit a candle for him every Sunday,
even decades later. But she believed in the power of love. His father summed it
up with a simple “don’t be an asshole” but his mother believed that every
problem in life, every confrontation, every worry, could be healed with love
because God was love.
He wished Gavin had been so lucky.
“Well, if you advertised the mad kitchen skills, I
bet you could find a permanent roommate and stop couch surfing.”
Gavin beamed at him for the compliment, but then he
glanced down at his plate. “It’s better to just hop around. Don’t wear out any
welcomes that way.”
Ben took a bite of his breakfast and considered that
for a moment. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he understood. “Gav, you’ll never
wear out any welcomes. Your friends want
you around because they love you.” He could see Gavin’s cheeks turning pink,
even though he had his face tilted down, his blond hair falling over his forehead
and hiding his eyes.
“Better safe than sorry,” Gavin said quietly, not
quite a whisper, but close enough.
Ben couldn’t think of a response to that. He
disagreed, but he’d learned from previous experiences it was better not to
argue with Gavin when he could avoid it. The kid had his own way of doing
things, and damn it all, he was one stubborn little shit.
They ate quietly, only chatting here and there.
Gavin seemed thoughtful and Ben didn’t want to intrude.
As he stood at the door, Ben pulled on his jacket
and said, “C’mere.”
Gavin stepped closer, a teasing look in his eye.
“Here?”
With a laugh, Ben reached out and jerked him
forward. “No, here.” He kissed Gavin
deep and hard as Gavin wrapped his arms around Ben’s shoulders. “You be here
when I get home tonight, okay?”
Gavin didn’t say anything, but smiled and nodded his
head before shoving Ben toward the door.
Ben laughed as he left, still grinning as he hopped
on his bike.
****
As soon as Gavin was alone, he went over to the sofa
and snatched up his present from the coffee table. He’d been good and hadn’t
opened it until Ben was gone. Now, though, he tore off the paper like a little
kid, only saving the starry ribbons.
Inside the little box, Gavin found a note and a
silver unicorn charm that made him laugh aloud. When he pulled it out, he
realized it was a key ring with one key on it. He unfolded the note, written in
Ben’s shitty handwriting.
Gav,
I
know my place is too small to really invite you to room with me, but hell. I
can’t stand thinking of you out there on your own and maybe not knowing where
you’re gonna sleep from one night to the next. So, anyway, until you get your
own place, just…think of my apartment as your home too, okay? No strings
attached. You and the couch are old friends and, well, I just want you to know
you’ve got an open invitation from now on.
Happy
Birthday. Maybe I’ll buy you a real present on payday.
Love,
Ben
Gavin stared at the key for a long moment. Ben had
given it to him last night, before they slept together. For some reason that
made it feel more special.
Though, Gavin hoped he wouldn’t be staying on the
couch anymore.
He grinned so broadly it made his cheeks ache. The
invitation wasn’t exactly will you marry
me or even will you move in with me,
but it was close enough for now. There was only one place in the world Gavin
really wanted to be. Ben probably didn’t even realize it yet, but he’d given
Gavin every secret wish he’d ever made.
He’d even given him the stars.
That wasn’t the best part, but it was close.
still lovely
ReplyDeleteThanks, hon! Glad you enjoyed it! :)
DeleteThank you I really enjoyed that :) Will it ever be available in PDF format?
ReplyDeleteHi, Sula!
DeleteI'm so glad you enjoyed it. I'll see if I can figure out how to get it posted somewhere in PDF over the next few weeks. :)
So nice, thank you for this short story :D
ReplyDeleteYou're very welcome! I'm glad you enjoyed it. =D
DeleteWhat a great story! I was surprised to find I enjoyed it even more than The Last Thing He Needs. I used Word to convert it to a PDF file (just for my own convenience, so I could read it on my tablet), & it's 26 pages long, so a nice size for a short story. Thank you so much for this lovely story. Ben and Gavin will stay with me for a long time.
ReplyDeleteAw, man, thank you! I'm so glad their story spoke to you. I've got more in the works for them, I just need to write faster. :D
DeleteThat's sweet! ^^
ReplyDeleteThank you! :)
DeleteOMG, that was so lovely! Thank you so much for telling us their stories, I loved The Last Thing He Needs and I wanted to know more about Ben and his young boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Toray! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I've got more going for Ben and Gavin, but, lol, I'll be lucky if I get it finished this year.
DeleteThanks so much for this! Glad to hear that there will be more for Ben and Gavin, because I've been dying to know about them since I read The last thing he needs.
Delete