tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26089484138539658402024-03-05T10:57:30.473-08:00J.H. Knight's BlogJ.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-84903959023084220662022-12-13T18:45:00.000-08:002022-12-13T18:45:32.175-08:00Quick Reminder!<p> Just popping in during this weird and busy time to remind everyone to <a href="https://subscribepage.io/gmScFR" target="_blank">subscribe to the newsletter</a> because there's a Christmas freebie coming! And possibly Sam and Billy's first Christmas, which is underway, but also under the gun with only 12 days until Christmas, so, lol, fingers crossed. </p><p>There's also some news coming up, so stay tuned!</p><p>I hope everyone is doing amazingly well, staying safe and warm, and--most importantly--finding joy. <3<br /></p>J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-19896299783948675992022-11-26T12:26:00.000-08:002022-11-26T12:26:36.361-08:00Upcoming Release! A preview!<p> Greetings, all! I hope you're doing well and enjoying life out there. <br /></p><p>Before I get to the preview, I've got some announcements! First, I've finally got a website and a newsletter--that I'm actually updating with free reads and previews--so if you're interested, head over to my <a href="http://www.authorjhknight.com/">website</a> and sign up for the newsletter. There's a <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Words-Weve-Never-Said-ebook/dp/B0BMYRFZ4Z/ref=sr_1_12?qid=1669484550&refinements=p_n_date%3A1249102011&s=digital-text&sr=1-12">new release</a> coming out on Tuesday, a Christmas freebie coming out for newsletter subscribers next month, and (if all goes well) a little announcement for March. Don't miss a thing!</p><p> And, check out this gorgeous cover by the lovely and talented Cate Ashwood! I want to write more books just so I can have more covers by her. <br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwznvCizW8SIr6ABSL_388JSzMJhv7i5ZOE4KQaPiRwFWS_kL1K6l_o_ROH57Ma7ZfbJFAspOn1GdlpuvyCf_tjPWzw471QA5zKt-a1M6EH5z_s46MMYFYtRCgVnUppTSqdxUXDAjbx5VSKo-K4eu1Nk9PYa9wGF1cUMAvRnsj9wve8SQblkeDhbI/s2400/The%20Words%20Ebook.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2400" data-original-width="1500" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwznvCizW8SIr6ABSL_388JSzMJhv7i5ZOE4KQaPiRwFWS_kL1K6l_o_ROH57Ma7ZfbJFAspOn1GdlpuvyCf_tjPWzw471QA5zKt-a1M6EH5z_s46MMYFYtRCgVnUppTSqdxUXDAjbx5VSKo-K4eu1Nk9PYa9wGF1cUMAvRnsj9wve8SQblkeDhbI/w173-h277/The%20Words%20Ebook.jpg" width="173" /></a></div><br /><p style="text-align: center;">And now, the preview!</p><p style="text-align: center;"><span></span></p><a name='more'></a> <p></p><p><br /></p><p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</p><h1><a name="_Toc119793253">Chapter One</a></h1>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Sam</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The scent of carnations and fresh-cut roses rushed at
Sam Northwick on a wave of cool air as he pulled open the door to Loraine’s
Floral and Gifts. He was in a hurry, and more than that, he had no idea what he
was looking for, but he hoped Loraine could help him out. She always knew just
what to do for any occasion, though neither of them had ever dealt with this
particular occasion. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">It had taken the social worker nearly a week to get
ahold of him since his sister, Lisa, only had the number for the house phone,
and he wasn’t around enough during the day to answer it. The woman had left
messages, but he never checked the voicemail since everyone who mattered called
him on his cell phone. When he finally did catch a call, heard a stranger’s
voice on the other end asking if he was Lisa Northwick’s brother, he’d known it
meant trouble, because it was always some kind of trouble when Lisa was
involved. He’d only seen her once since the last time she’d run away, and that
was when she hitched her way home to see their parents and ask for money. Which
they gave, just like they always did, always hoping she’d use it to make a
better life for herself. Or at least help keep her off the street. He couldn’t
recall exactly when that was, but it had to have been at least fourteen years
now. He was in his senior year. Momma and Daddy were still alive. The ranch was
still one of the biggest in the county, and Sam was still trying to decide if college
was worth it when all he really wanted to do with his life was wrapped up under
the Texas sky on his family’s land. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">In the end, he’d stayed. He was glad for it now
because it gave him a few more years of his mother’s cooking and his father’s
wisdom, their kindness, their charitable hearts. All the things a sleepy truck
driver had taken from him nearly a decade ago. All the things Lisa had missed
out on, had run away from, chasing a man or drugs or both when she was barely
seventeen. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Can I help ya find something, cowboy?” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Sam nearly jumped out of his skin, and he dropped the
stuffed animal he’d been holding. He’d heard that line a thousand times, but it
was usually some tiny girl with curves and long hair and a pretty smile.
Definitely not today, though. He turned to find an unfamiliar face, unfamiliar
shaggy blond curls hanging over unfamiliar green eyes that were so light, they
probably looked blue when the sun hit them just right. The guy shot him a smile
that Sam couldn’t read. Friendly, but like he was considering if he wanted to
eat Sam for dinner at the same time. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I don’t know.” Sam nearly tripped over a display
bursting with bright orange tropical-looking flowers as he stepped back.
“Probably not.” He didn’t mean to be rude, but he was on a deadline, and he’d
spent his entire life not flirting with anyone within a fifty-mile radius of
his home. “Loraine around?” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Loraine,” the guy called over his shoulder toward the
back of the shop. “One of your boyfriends is here.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“What’re you on about?” Loraine pulled back the
plastic curtain, her smile almost as big as her bleach-blonde hair. “Sam?” she
said as she stepped closer and pulled him into a tight hug. She’d been his
mother’s best friend and always treated him like one of her own. Every year, on
the anniversary of his parents’ death, she put together a big bouquet and would
ride down to the cemetery with him, hold his hand while he stood for a while,
pretended not to notice if he cried. She’d been there for him over and over
again throughout his life, and he was glad to have her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Hey, Miss Loraine,” Sam said, pulling back just
enough for her to kiss his cheek. She grinned at him as she wiped her bright
red lipstick off his skin with her thumb. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“It’s so good to see you, darlin’.” She said it like
it’d been weeks, months, but he’d seen her three days earlier at a graduation
party for one of her cousins’ kids. “Is today the big day?” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He didn’t know if <i>big day</i> were the right words
for it, but he didn’t say so. “It is.” He nodded and glanced at the guy by the
counter again. In truth, Sam could stand there and look at him all afternoon.
If he had the time. “On my way to the airport, and I thought I maybe shouldn’t
go empty-handed.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Loraine looked like she might well up, her sigh a
little shaky when she said, “You’re the sweetest man God ever put on this
earth.” She patted him on the cheek and added, “Just like your daddy, I swear.”
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He didn’t know about that, but he certainly didn’t
mind the comparison. There wasn’t another person in the history of the world
he’d rather be like. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Well, you and Bill here,” she corrected with a smile
and a nod at the new guy. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Sam couldn’t help but give him another look. The hot
pink T-shirt tucked carefully into the top edge of white jeans that hung
precariously low over slim hips, the glittery painted fingernails, maybe even a
hint of makeup around the eyes. “You don’t look like a Bill.” The words slipped
out before Sam could stop them. He hadn’t meant it as an insult or even a
come-on. He just couldn’t imagine a name less fitting for the guy in front of
him. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Bill rolled his eyes as he fussed with a pile of
ribbon on the counter next to him. “Right? I’m technically William Jonathan
Jones. The fifth. Most folks call me Billy.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“That’s a mouthful.” Sam wished he could take the
words back, take his tone back too, because even to his own ears, it sounded
like he had more than Billy’s name in mind. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">For one split second, Sam could’ve sworn something
extremely filthy and extremely tempting was going to come out, but Loraine shot
Billy a warning look, and he said, “A boring mouthful. My parents are the least
imaginative people on the planet.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“But you love them anyway,” Loraine added. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Billy nodded. “I do. Most days.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Good enough,” Loraine said with a laugh before
looking at Sam again. “My sister was not blessed with a kind heart or an agile
mind, but she’s family, and that counts for somethin’.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Don’t I know it.” Sam hadn’t meant for the snort of
laughter to slip out, but it did anyway. He looked at Billy again. “So, you’re
Loraine’s nephew?”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Before Billy could answer, Loraine said, “I’m sure you
two must’ve met at some point. He’s my <i>favorite</i> outta my whole family.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Sam smiled at her and asked, “Does your son know that?”
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“No,” she said, patting Sam’s cheek again. “And we’re
not tellin’ him.” She nodded toward Billy and went on. “He was livin’ out in
Austin, but he’s come here now to help me with the shop, learn the ropes before
I retire.” She barely paused for a breath before going on. “Ed told me if I
don’t quit soon, he’s gonna go on our RV tour without me, and I’d just hate
that, so it’s gettin’ time. Gonna enjoy our golden years while we still got
’em, know what I mean?” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">So much information in such a short span gave Sam
whiplash. The idea of her nephew moving here was unsettling on multiple levels,
but the one that made his chest cinch and ache was Billy being the one to pick
out his flowers for his momma and wrap them up nice. “I can’t believe you’re
leaving,” he said, hugging her again. “Gonna miss you.” His selfishness slapped
him in the face, so he added, “I’m real happy for y’all, though. You and Ed
deserve some fun.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I’m not gone yet, sweetheart,” she said gently, as
though she’d read his mind. “And I promise you, I’ll be back for visits.” They
both knew what she meant, and he was grateful for her all over again. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Into the quiet that settled between them, Billy said,
“I did meet you once.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">That caught Sam’s attention, and he looked at Billy
again, longer this time. “I think I woulda remembered you.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Billy laughed and said, “I am pretty unforgettable,
but it was a million years ago.” When Sam quirked his brow in question, Billy
went on. “I’d come down to the high school with Aunt Loraine to help put up some
decorations for a dance, got lost looking for the bathroom, and three guys
started pushing me around, tried to stuff me into a garbage can, and you
stopped them.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Recognition lit up with the memory. “No shit. Billy
the kid?” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Billy shook his head, but he smiled too as he said,
“I’m not thirteen anymore, so not much of a kid.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“God<i>damn</i>, I haven’t seen you in a minute.” Sam
regretted the curse as soon as it passed his lips because Loraine pinched him
hard enough to leave a bruise. “Sorry,” he muttered quickly, rubbing his
shoulder where she got him. He’d been dodging his girlfriend—his beard, even if
he didn’t know that was what she was at the time—all day, came around the
corner, and found three freshmen kicking the shit out of a kid. He’d nearly
knocked their heads into the wall. He spent the rest of the afternoon hanging
out with Loraine and him, decorating the gym, trying to make him feel better.
“What were they beatin’ on ya for, anyway?” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Well, the word <i>faggot</i> got flung around an
awful lot, so if I had to guess…” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Loraine pinched Billy too, but he didn’t so much as
flinch. “I don’t like that word,” she said, a dark expression on her face. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“It’s not my favorite either,” Billy said flatly. “But
that <i>is</i> what they said. I was only quoting them.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Something about that, something about the way Billy
said it so casually, like it happened all the time and he couldn’t be bothered
to be upset by it anymore, twisted a new pain in Sam. “You were just a little
kid. Christ.” He managed to step out of Loraine’s reach in the nick of time. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“They were only a year or so older than me, and it’s
not like I was… less <i>fabulous</i> then than I am now.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">There were a million things Sam wanted to say, wanted
to ask him, wanted to tell him. <i>I’m sorry that happened to you</i> and <i>teach
me how to be as brave as you</i> rattled around in his head, but in the end, he
just said, “They were assholes then, and they’re probably still assholes.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Loraine must’ve agreed because she didn’t try to pinch
him for that. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Before he could say anything else, his phone started
to vibrate and chime in his pocket. “I wish I could catch up, but that’s my
alarm,” he said as he tapped the screen to shut it up. “Gotta get on the road
if I’m gonna make it in time.” He had a two-hour drive to the airport if traffic
was kind. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Loraine had already started pulling together some
flowers. Bluebonnets and yellow roses, white carnations, some fluffy white
things Sam didn’t know the name of. “How old are they again?” she asked as she
set the flowers on the counter. Without being asked, Billy grabbed some paper
off the roll and started to arrange them. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I think the lady said Bree is fourteen and Winston
just turned seven,” Sam said, trying not to sound terrified. Not for the first
time, he wished he’d declined the social worker’s call. “I don’t even know what
a fourteen-year-old girl would like.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Other than a sixteen-year-old boy with tattoos and a
car?” Billy teased as he filled a plastic bag with a little bit of water, put
the stems in it, and secured it with a couple of rubber bands. Then he wrapped
it all up with sparkly white paper, tied with a satin ribbon. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Sam watched him work, watched the way everything
seemed to fall into place in his slim, smooth hands. He wished everything in
life could come together so easy, so flawless. “From the sounds of it, she’d
probably enjoy the tattooed boy and just steal a car, but I’m hoping to God
that’s not true.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Sounds like a real firecracker.” Loraine walked over
to a small shelf covered in toys. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Sam took off his hat and ran his hand through his
hair, down to the back of his neck where a knot of tension tugged itself into
the start of a headache. No surprise. “Sounds like her <i>momma</i>.” According
to the social worker, she’d tried to run three times from the emergency
placement they’d put her in, tried to take Winston with her once they’d been
put in a home together, gave a girl a black eye, had a history of cutting—which
Sam had to look up the meaning of—and he knew she had a mouth like a wrangler
because he could hear her cussing in the background when the social worker had
asked if she’d like to speak to him. “God help me.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Loraine turned to look at him, her smile just as warm
as always, but concern colored her eyes too. “You’ll do just fine, honey.” She
held up two toys and asked, “For the little boy, fire truck or a John Deer?” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">How the hell should he know? When he was seven, his
toys were cows and horses and sheep. He put his hat back on and glanced at
Billy. “What do you think?” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Billy looked just as nonplussed as Sam felt. “When I
was seven, all I wanted was a Barbie doll.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Sam couldn’t say the same, but he thought Billy was
probably telling the truth.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“What about a book?” Loraine asked helpfully. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Lady on the phone said he can’t read yet, can’t write
his own name neither. Barely talks.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Loraine made a sad noise, whispered something about
blessing his heart, but Sam didn’t have time to ponder any of it. All he knew
was that the kid—in the social worker’s words—didn’t appear to be on the
spectrum. Whatever the hell that meant. She’d said it like it was a good thing,
though, so at least there was that. “Maybe I’ll just go with the tractor for
him.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“When’s the last time you saw them?” Billy asked as he
rang up the toy and the flowers. He wrapped the tractor in some tissue paper,
made it look nice in the paper bag. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Never.” Sam tapped his debit card on the reader and
took the bag and flowers when Billy passed them to him. “Never even knew they
existed until I got a call from California.”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Oh.” Bill’s <i>oh</i> was loaded and sounded like
there was supposed to be a <i>shit</i> attached to it, but Loraine was still in
pinching distance, so maybe he left it off on purpose. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Sam couldn’t help a small laugh. “Yeah, that about
sums it up,” he said as he turned for the door. “Thanks, y’all. Say a prayer
for me. I think I’m gonna need it.” </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Every night, hon,” Loraine said as he walked out into
the hot May afternoon. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">If this was what he got with folks praying for him
every night, what would his life be like without it? He didn’t have time to
think about it, though, since he was going to have to drive like the devil to
get there before their plane landed. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Words-Weve-Never-Said-ebook/dp/B0BMYRFZ4Z/ref=sr_1_12?qid=1669484550&refinements=p_n_date%3A1249102011&s=digital-text&sr=1-12"><span style="font-size: medium;">Available for preorder now! </span></a><br /></span></p>
<p></p>J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-10691812015653549702017-10-16T08:38:00.003-07:002017-10-16T08:40:16.358-07:00An important announcement, a new release, and a newsletter<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Okay, before I launch into this blog post—which was supposed
to be, “I’m still alive! I’ve finally got a new release coming out! And a
newsletter!”—I need to make a, well, really embarrassing announcement. </div>
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<br /></div>
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So, I got everything set up on Amazon for Ben & Gavin
and just used a rough draft as the “book” and the teaser graphic in place of
the cover. But. I forgot that you have to update it within in a certain
timeframe or you’re basically screwed. SO. After several emails and, not gonna
lie, quit a few tears, the upshot is this: If you’ve already ordered Ben &
Gavin, the pre-order copies that will be delivered to your Kindles on Wednesday
are just a pre-edit, no front or back matter, messed up format, rough draft.
Amazon can’t promise me when the corrected version will be available in your
library—anywhere from a few minutes to a few days. Yes, days. SO, if you don’t
want to wait for the update (and, why would you? You pre-ordered it for a
reason!) please email me at <span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="mailto:juliaknightwylde@gmail.com">juliaknightwylde@gmail.com</a>
with proof of purchase (screencap of the payment or screencap of the messed up
file or… whatever method you can think of) and I will send you the correct
version.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m so sorry for the inconvenience. The last time I did a self-pub, I had
the entire Heartsville crew with me and Nico Jaye walked me through it
step-by-step. I thought I could do it this time without an external brain.
Clearly, that wasn’t the case. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now, onto the update!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I had planned to write a post here, uh, nine days ago. I thought it would
be kind of funny to update it exactly two years to the day of my last post. I
couldn’t even manage that. Life is just so damn busy. And, the last couple of
weeks have been especially bonkers. Last minute revisions, last minute edits,
more revisions, driving everyone everywhere, and then! One of our cats got really
sick. Our furbaby was touch-and-go for a while there and it really knocked us
sideways. He had a blocked bladder, needed to be rushed to the ER, days of
fluids and procedures. Ugh. He’s such a big part of our family and we were all
out of sorts until he was on the mend. He seems to have made a full recovery!
But, man, I never want to go through that again. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Anyway. I’m back from basically a year-long writer’s block. Most of 2016,
I’d open a file, pick at a story, and then close it again. I just couldn’t do
it, ya know? But! I think that’s behind me. I finished Ben & Gavin. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cate Ashwood and I finished our co-write, When
the Devil Wants In. As you know, Ben & Gavin is releasing on <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B076FZCHLY?ref_=pe_2427780_160035660" target="_blank">October 18th</a>.
When the Devil Wants In is set to release sometime in February or March through
Dreamspinner Press. We’re already mapping out a follow-up for that one, so,
yay! Things are flowing again. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If you’re interested, I’m putting out a newsletter. No promises it’ll be
frequent, but it’ll have info on upcoming releases, snippets of WIPs, and
hopefully the occasional free-read or deleted scenes from new releases. You can
sign up for that <a href="http://eepurl.com/c7FmFn" target="_blank">here</a>. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I hope everyone out there is doing well and enjoying the change of
seasons. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And remember, if you wake up on the 18<sup>th</sup> to the wrong version
of Ben & Gavin, don’t hesitate to email me. I’ll get the correct version to
you right away. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I almost forgot! If you haven’t read Ben and Gavin’s prequel, The Best
Parts, you can find it <a href="https://knightwylde.blogspot.com/2014/11/ben-and-gavin.html" target="_blank">here</a>. </span></div>
J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-40929795472739146322015-10-07T09:12:00.003-07:002015-10-07T09:12:32.196-07:00It's been too long. A lot can happen in... wow, eleven months. Since my last update over here, there has been STUFF. Good stuff, sad stuff, and everything in between.<br />
<br />
As many of you know, my mother passed away at the beginning of this year. It's still painful to talk about, but my little family has gone from limping along to running again. Time truly does heal. Or, in our case, time, laughter, and junk food. <br />
<br />
But! The good stuff that's happened since then is pretty freaking cool. <a href="https://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=5262" target="_blank">The Last Thing He Needs</a> came out in <a href="http://www.audible.com/pd/Fiction/The-Last-Thing-He-Needs-Audiobook/B00V8S7KOW/ref=a_search_c4_1_1_srTtl?qid=1444232669&sr=1-1" target="_blank">audio</a>, <a href="http://www.triskelledizioni.it/prodotto/non-ho-bisogno-di-te-j-h-knight/" target="_blank">Italian</a>, and <a href="https://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=6931" target="_blank">German</a>. To say that was a thrill is an understatement.<br />
<br />
I also managed to get a <a href="http://www.mmromancegroup.com/just-a-feeling-by-j-h-knight/" target="_blank">free read</a> out there with the M/M Romance Group on goodreads. If you haven't gotten over there yet, check it out! There are SO MANY great stories posted--all for FREE!<br />
<br />
And... my latest project is super exciting. I got to work with four of the funniest, kindest, and most talented people I've ever met. <a href="http://pipervaughn.com/" target="_blank">Piper Vaughn</a>, <a href="http://www.nicojaye.com/" target="_blank">Nico Jaye</a>, <a href="http://jaydenbrooks.com/category/about-jayden/" target="_blank">Jayden Brooks</a>, and <a href="http://www.cateashwood.com/" target="_blank">Cate Ashwood</a> are absolutely awesome!<br />
<br />
I could go on and on about the series we put together, and post all the links and whatnot, but <a href="http://sinfullysexybooks.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Sinfully </a>was kind enough to host an <a href="http://sinfullysexybooks.blogspot.com/2015/10/exclusive-cover-reveal-heartsville.html#more" target="_blank">amazing cover reveal</a> for us--with a spectacular giveaway. Seriously, I wish I could participate in this giveaway, but since I can't, you should! I'll even post the link again. Find it <a href="http://sinfullysexybooks.blogspot.com/2015/10/exclusive-cover-reveal-heartsville.html#more" target="_blank">here</a>! :D<br />
<br />
I hope everyone out there is doing well. Good luck on the giveaway! And, I hope to see some of you at GRL next week! <3J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-2302320360907598812014-12-23T21:07:00.000-08:002014-12-23T21:07:45.250-08:00Have Yourself a Merry Little... Free Short Read <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">So, Tommy and Bobby decided they needed a little
Christmas story. Well, Bobby decided. Tommy, frankly, couldn’t give a shit.
Bobby loves him anyway. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Huge thanks to <a href="http://nicojaye.blogspot.com/?zx=8212a69b9f4800f8" target="_blank">Nico Jaye</a> for looking it over in a
flash! Not only is she a crazy talented writer, she’s a hell of a friend. :)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I’m going to settle in and watch The Grinch with my (not
so young) younglings now. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful holiday
season with many joys in the coming year!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Everything
He Needs</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Word Count: 4K+</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Characters: Tommy and Bobby from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Last Thing He Needs</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Content Warnings: Overly sentimental and heavy on
the sap because that’s just how I roll this time of year. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Tom.” Bobby wasn’t annoyed, exactly, but Tommy
could tell he was getting tired of the debate. Tommy was too, for that matter,
but no matter what he said, Bobby wouldn’t back down. “It’s been almost a year,
and you still act like everything good in your life is temporary. I’m trying
like hell to be patient, but you’ve gotta give me a break here.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy let out an exasperated huff. The store was
crowded, his coat was hot, and the scarf around his neck seemed to be getting
tighter. “Fine,” he muttered. He tossed the phone cases for Colleen and Mike
into his cart and watched them slide down to the bottom through a pile of toys
and other shit no one needed. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Bobby snorted a laugh. “You act like I’m asking you
to give up a kidney.” As they moved on from the electronics department, Bobby
laughed again. “Actually, I think it’d be easier to talk you into donating an
organ to one of the kids.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He shot Bobby a narrow glance. “Yeah, well, their
lives don’t depend on getting new phone cases or doll houses and whatever the
hell else you’ve snuck into your cart.” Not that the doll house for Zoe was a
secret from Tommy, but he wagered Bobby would’ve done it on the sly if he
thought he could get away with it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“The doll house is from Santa, it doesn’t count.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy rolled his eyes. “And the matching trikes I
keep tripping over in the bedroom?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Those too.” Bobby had become very interested in a
display of glass ornaments, but it seemed more likely he was avoiding Tommy. After
a beat, Bobby said, “They’re too hard to wrap, it makes more sense for them to
be left out on Christmas Eve.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">At least the bastard had the decency to sound a
little guilty about it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Right.” There was no point in arguing. It was their
first Christmas as a family. Judy had used the excuse early on and it had
stuck. This one had to be special. This one had to be one the kids would always
remember. By next year, Colleen might be in her own apartment and Mike wasn’t
far behind her. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Their lives had turned around on a dime and maybe
Bobby was right. Maybe it was time for Tommy to start accepting it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He didn’t laugh when Bobby tucked an art set for
Carrie into his cart, but he didn’t resist either. He did put his foot down
when Bobby tried to make him pick out an ‘our first Christmas’ ornament. Bobby
had been leaning toward one in the shape of a little house with snow on the
roof, edged in tiny little Christmas lights. It had the year written in gold
over the door. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“We could probably find one online with two guys
under the mistletoe or something….” Bobby was seriously debating this. “But I
think this one is better, ya know? What with the kids and all….” When Tommy
arched a brow, Bobby said, “What? Too sentimental for you?” His voice carried a
tease, but there was a hint of embarrassment tangled up in it too.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I was thinking cheesy, but we can go with
sentimental.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Bobby put the ornament back on the fake tree and
laughed. “Fine, asshole. No cheese for Christmas. This year.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I just don’t know why you wanna waste money on
something like that.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Pushing his cart ahead a few more feet, Bobby turned
to look at Tommy. “It’s not a waste. It’s a… a reminder, years later.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy nearly changed his mind, but when he looked at
the two shopping carts, both overflowing, he decided they’d done enough damage
for a lifetime, let alone one holiday. And that stupid little ornament was over
twenty bucks, for fuck sake. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“If I can’t remember you in a few years without an
overpriced light up ornament, we’ve got bigger problems.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">With another laugh, Bobby said, “You’re such a
romantic.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Never been accused of that one.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Believe me, I know.” The tease was clear in Bobby’s
voice. Not a trace of irritation, or even disappointment. “What about when
we’re old and senile?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Then every Christmas will be our first Christmas
together.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He managed to drag Bobby out of the store without
adding anything else to their carts. That felt like a Christmas miracle in
itself. They’d gotten three things for each of the kids to open. Plus Santa. It
didn’t sound like much, but when you multiplied it by seven and compared it to
every other Christmas they’d ever known, it added up fast. There had only been
two Scrooge jokes from Bobby and one comment from Tommy about spoiling them. As
compromises go, they did okay. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">When they got home, they stashed everything in their
little garage apartment. Bobby tossed a sheet over the pile. “Just in case the
kids come in here before we get everything wrapped.” By the look on his face,
all those presents could’ve been for him. Tommy didn’t think he’d ever seen
Bobby so happy. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You look like a little kid yourself, copper.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Bobby slid his arms around Tommy’s waist and pulled
him close. “It’s Christmas, we’re all supposed act like little kids.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He couldn’t help a small laugh as he leaned in,
grinning against Bobby’s soft kiss. “If you say so.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Unfortunately, a few kisses were all they had time
for. Bobby had less than a half hour to eat and get ready for his shift. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">After they said their goodbyes, Tommy went next door
to Judy’s. The kids were all scattered, picking at homework and chores, but Max
toddled over to him with his arms up as soon as he saw Tommy. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Oh, good, you’re home.” Judy looked relieved when
he walked into the kitchen. “I needed to talk to you.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy never liked the sound of that, but he kissed
Max’s cheek and set him down. Judy passed him a cookie before he could run off
to the other room.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Without commenting on the cookie for Max, Tommy
asked, “What’s up, Madam M?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Judy wiped her hands on a bright red dishtowel,
smiled, and nodded toward the living room. “Did you get your Christmas shopping
done?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“All but Bobby.” He had no idea what to get Bobby.
The guy had everything he needed, and damn near everything he wanted. When
Tommy had asked him what he’d like for Christmas, Bobby’s unhelpful response
was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i>. Safe to say, that one had
already been delivered. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He followed Judy past the eight foot Christmas tree,
around the coffee table, and collapsed onto the couch. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Well,” Judy said, picking up a small stack of
notebook paper. “I guess I’m a little late, then, but I wanted to share
something with you.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">She knew how to catch his attention. Tommy sat up
and leaned forward. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“The other day, I asked the children to give me
their Christmas lists.” Judy thumbed through the papers and then looked at
Tommy. “I got the impression they’d never done that before.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy shrugged. Christ knew there’d never been a
point to writing out a list of wishes in their family. Last year was the
closest they’d ever come when Carrie and Collin told Santa what they wanted.
Two things each, Tommy remembered. Collin had wanted a new pair of shoes and a
puppy and Carrie had asked for pretty hairclips and a book. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Judy nodded, as if Tommy’s shrug had been
confirmation. “When I asked this year, I had expected… I don’t know, maybe a
laptop or an iPod, something… <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">big</i>,
something they can’t get every day.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">There was something unsettling about the look on
Judy’s face. “What’d they ask for?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Reading from the paper in her hand, Judy said,
“Colleen says: I don’t really know what I want. I love the phone you got me for
my birthday and that feels like more than enough. What I’d really like is to
get something special for Tommy. He’s a pain—she’s scratched something out
here, but I’m fairly certain it was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">in
the ass</i>—to shop for, but I’d like to think of something for him. If you
have any ideas, please let me know.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy didn’t trust himself to speak, even if he knew
what to say, but he could feel his eyes pricking. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Judy looked pointedly at him and set Colleen’s paper
on the table. “We’ll put a pin in that one for the moment.” She looked at the
next one on the stack. “Mike says: I can’t really think of anything I want, not
as far as presents go. But, I think it would be really cool if we could have a
fancy Christmas dinner. The kind with really nice plates and matching glasses
and pretty napkins and stuff. I saw this lamb roast on a cooking show last week
and it looked really good. I’ve never tasted lamb. I’d help cook and clean up
and everything, but that’s what I’d like most. If we can’t do that, it’s okay,
but I’ve always thought that would be nice.” By the time she finished, Judy’s
eyes were shining and she had to pause for a breath. “He added at the bottom:
Can you think of anything to get Tommy? I have a few ideas, but I’m not sure. I
want it to be something special this year.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Judy and Tommy sniffled at the same time and a hint
of a smile flickered across Judy’s face before she read the next paper. “Davey
says: If it’s not too much, I’d like a new pair of earbuds. Only one ear works
on mine now, and it kind of crackles. Can we get something for Tommy too? I
don’t know what, but something.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">She set his paper aside and looked at Tommy. “Are
you recognizing a theme?” Thankfully she didn’t wait for an answer before
looking at the next wishlist. “Carrie says: I’d like some new hairclips and
maybe a pretty dress—She put a question mark there, not a period. Just so you
know. She went on to add: Nothing fancy or anything. If it’s not too much,
maybe some paints, too. And, I know what I’m doing for Tommy and Bobby, but
what would you like, Judy?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">For fuck sake. Was she trying to kill him? When Judy
smirked, Tommy wiped his eyes and asked, “What?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Nothing. I just thought I saw your heart grow three
sizes.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I’m not a Grinch.” He wasn’t. Really. “I just don’t
want ‘em spoiled is all. There’s nothing wrong with limits.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He expected an argument, but instead Judy said, “I
agree. Limits are vital. But these kids could be millionaires and not be
spoiled. Coming from where they started out, they will never ask for much. And
that’s almost worse than being spoiled sometimes.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Goddamn it all. “So I’m supposed to…what? Force them
to dream big?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Judy titled her head to the side, looking like she
was thinking. “Yes, actually. But, mostly, they follow your example in
everything, Tommy. What’s the last thing you asked for?” When Tommy opened his
mouth, Judy raised her hand to stop him. “For <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">yourself</i>.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy couldn’t remember. Come to think of it, the
only thing he’d ever asked for was forgiveness from Bobby on more than one
occasion. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">And really, when it came right down to it, he had
more for himself now than he’d ever hoped for. Safe home, healthy kids, a
little money in the bank, fulltime work. And Bobby. Most of all, Bobby. “I
don’t <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">need</i> anything else.” It took
him a long time to say that. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Wanting things is good, Tommy. Healthy, even.” When
he started to say something else—not even he knew what that would be—Judy said,
“There’s one more.” She looked at the last letter. “Collin says: I’d really
like a puppy or a kitten. A dog might tear up the yard, though, so maybe just a
kitten. I’d clean up after it and take care of it. I could even use my
allowance for food and stuff so it wouldn’t cost extra. But, the twins might
get in the litter box. Maybe a cat or a dog is a bad idea. I’d really like one,
but maybe it’s too much trouble. There’s a toy drive at school. Maybe I could
just get something really cool to donate? It’s sad to think about all the kids
out there who don’t have anything, even less than we used to. It would be
awesome if we could make someone’s Christmas, know what I mean? PS, what should
we get Tommy?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He suddenly wished Judy really was trying to kill
him. Who knew hearing Christmas lists could be the hardest part of a person’s
day? Davey was smart enough—and shifty enough, frankly—to fake a slim Christmas
list to pull a few sympathy strings, but he didn’t think that was the case. Tommy
was learning that selflessness was a hard habit to break, especially when it
had been instilled in you at birth. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy stood up suddenly, feeling restless and maybe
even a little annoyed. He paced the floor once or twice and then paused in
front of the tree. Lights sparkled against red garland and dozens of ornaments
hung from the branches. A pair of silver turtledoves caught his eye. They were
wrapped in a banner with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">1976</i> etched
into the plating. “What’s this?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Judy stood next to him and reached for the ornament.
She touched it carefully, as if it might break, even though that didn’t seem
possible. “Warren gave that to me on our first Christmas after we were
married.” She sounded happy and sad at the same time. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">On another branch close by, Tommy noticed a silver
rattle with a green ribbon tied through the handle. The year of Bobby’s birth
was etched into it. “Bobby’s first Christmas?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Judy grinned and nodded. “And he made this one for
me when he was five.” She reached higher and pointed out a little glitter
snowflake. Most of the glitter had fallen off, but it still sparkled.
“Christmas trees aren’t just for decoration. They’re where we hang our hopes
and dreams, our <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">blessings</i>, and our
memories.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">How she could say all that and not cry was beyond
Tommy. Even he was choking up. Between Judy and the kids, he wasn’t going to
make it to the new year without some kind of emotional breakdown. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy glanced at Judy when she spoke again. “Every
year, I take these out and I remember what was happening in our lives. What
Bobby looked like when he hung this on the tree for the first time. What my
husband said to me our first year, when we were too poor for a real tree and
he’d made one out of fallen branches, how he made me laugh. Christmas is family
and love and hope for an even better tomorrow.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">In Tommy’s world, Christmas was an extra expense, a
letdown, and a hassle. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">But between the two of them, Tommy knew the kids
deserved Judy’s version. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I gotta get outta here.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Judy watched, a surprised look on her face as Tommy
made his quick retreat. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Please think about it, Tommy.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He only nodded in response, not sure she even saw
him as he closed the door behind him. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The bells on the doorknob jingled cheerfully. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">When he and Bobby had gone shopping early that
morning, they’d decided on a one-stop trip at the local all-in-one store. Tommy
had insisted.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Now, though, gripping the steering wheel like he was
trying to throttle it, Tommy pulled into the mall parking lot. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He muttered to himself as he got out of the car, “I
should tell ‘em all I want a carton of Marlboros for Christmas.” He’d found a
spot, but it was on the back lot, a hundred miles from the entrance. “I’d spend
the day on the front porch, smoke the whole damn thing.” It’d been months since
he caved and had one, but damn it all, when he tried to think of what he really
wanted, that was all that came to mind. He decided to drop the train of thought
before he broke down and bought himself a pack. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He didn’t feel like he had money to burn, not
really, but when Tommy looked at the totals in his (first ever) checking
account, he felt like he’d won the lottery. Gene had made him a fulltime
bartender—complete with a nice raise and sometimes really nice tips—and Tommy
had been saving his pennies ever since he’d moved in with Bobby. It was easy to
do since the guy wouldn’t take anything for rent. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I don’t even pay rent, why the hell should you?”</i> Bobby had said,
and he had a point there, but it still felt wrong sometimes, felt like charity.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy paused as he pulled open the heavy glass door
to the main entrance and wondered if there would be anything left of his
savings when the day was done. Thinking back on the lists the kids had given
Judy, he decided it didn’t matter. Judy wasn’t about to kick them out in the
streets, and even if her house burned to the ground too, Tommy wagered
that—unlike them—she was heavily insured. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">For the first time in his life, Tommy O’Shea chose
not to worry what fresh hell was lurking around the corner. He decided to teach
the kids to dream big. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Or, at least to dream medium. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Several hours later, Tommy sat in the middle of the
floor surrounded by paper and ribbon and bows. He’d managed to wrap about half
of the presents when Bobby came home. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You’ve been busy.” Bobby kicked off his shoes,
pausing to lean down for a kiss before he made his way to their bedroom. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Had the night off, remember?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Bobby grunted in acknowledgment, but didn’t say
anything else. He was used to finding Tommy in the middle of something when he
came home at the end of a shift. On his days off, Tommy cleaned gutters and
scraped moss off the roof, mowed the lawn, and anything else he could think to
do. Living most of his life under a cloud of frantic worry with one fucking
crisis after another dogging him day in and day out had turned Tommy into a
restless ball of energy when he wasn’t busy. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Less than twenty minutes later, Bobby joined him on
the floor, fresh from the shower in a clean pair of sweats. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“How’d it go today?” Tommy wasn’t sure if he really
wanted to know the truth, but he asked every day anyway. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Bobby seemed to know how Tommy felt and his answer
was almost always the same. “Nothing too major, usual bullshit.” He laughed
then and added, “I got a Christmas card from a woman whose son I hauled in last
month for trying to shoplift a bottle of booze. She said he’s been doing well
ever since and thanked me for putting the fear of God into him.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“That’s a lot better than the one who tried to slug
ya for it the other day.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Agreed.” Bobby reached for the nearest box and
lifted the lid. “Did you buy more stuff?” He pulled back the tissue paper and
found a fancy velvet dress inside. The box was huge because of the fluffy
skirt. Tommy figured Carrie could wear it for their Christmas dinner. He didn’t
know what a lamb roast would cost, or what the hell it was even called, but he
was going to find out tomorrow. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy shrugged. “I had coupons for that store on the
mall so I got Carrie a few things.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Glancing around, Bobby asked, “Why are there two
Xboxes?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Santa thought the older kids should get something
too.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Bobby was obviously confused. “Why two, though?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“They were on special, ya know? And they came with
free games. Collin wanted to donate something nice to the toy drive at school
and tomorrow is the last day before winter break.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“What the hell happened to you today?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy laughed and passed Bobby a roll of wrapping
paper. “My Grinch heart grew three sizes, apparently.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Bobby didn’t quite cackle, but it was close enough.
“You mean you spent the afternoon with my mother.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Afternoon, hell. She had me in less than a half
hour.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The next day, Bobby was off and Tommy didn’t have to
go in until eight. They spent the morning in bed and then moved all the
presents—all but Santa’s contribution—into Judy’s living room. When the kids
came home from school, half the living room was piled high with presents. Davey
dove straight for the tree and started sorting through the packages, shaking
the ones with his name on them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Colleen looked like she was going to cry. “This is
too much, Tommy.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Yeah, well.” Tommy pulled her close and kissed the
top of her head. He almost told her not to expect it every year, or to just
enjoy it while it lasts, but instead he said, “It’s all socks and underwear,
don’t get too excited.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“That’s a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">lot</i>
of socks and underwear.” Colleen laughed and hugged him tight. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Judy watched the kids sort through the presents and
laughed when Zoe kept saying, “Open ‘dis one!” Mostly she looked at Tommy with
a bright smile on her face and something close to smug triumph in her eyes. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Bobby picked Zoe up and kissed her cheek. “You can’t
open any of them for almost a week, Zoe.” She giggled and squirmed out of his
arms. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy hadn’t considered what a pain in the ass it
would be keeping the twins—not to mention Davey and Collin—off the presents
until Christmas morning. “Maybe we should put up a fence or something.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Maybe we should let them enjoy it.” Bobby whispered
against Tommy’s ear. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Maybe so, copper.” He relaxed against Bobby and
reminded himself that he wasn’t spoiling them, he was making up for a lot of
lost years. “Oh, before I forget,” Tommy said, loudly so everyone could hear.
He pulled out a piece of paper from his back pocket and handed it to Davey.
“Here’s my list. One of everything should do.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Davey looked at it and laughed. “A trip to Mexico,
I’ll get right on that, Tommy.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy had put everything he could think of on that
stupid list. Cologne that some sales girl had sprayed on him, because Bobby
smelled him all afternoon after that. A new wallet. More pictures of the kids.
Handprints from Max and Zoe. Small stuff the kids could do for free and big
stuff he knew he wouldn’t get, but, what the hell. He was trying to lead by
example. “Well, someone told me I should dream big. I bet I could dream up
something big on a beach.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Colleen snatched the list out of Davey’s hand and
Mike leaned over her shoulder to read it with her. Only the babies were still
interested in the pile of presents under the tree. Jesus. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Bobby took a deep breath against Tommy’s neck and
whispered, “I’m going to need to see your ID. You’re doing a piss poor
impersonation of my Tom.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy laughed and turned in Bobby’s arms. “Oh, I’m
still yours. It’s not my fault your mother is right every damn time I turn
around.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You should say that louder so she can hear,” Bobby
laughed softly and kissed Tommy again before going on. “Then we wouldn’t have
to buy her something for Christmas.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy couldn’t help but grin. “I already got her
somethin’.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You gonna tell me what it is?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Nah, you can wait until Christmas, but you can have
one of yours now.” He pulled Bobby away from the kids, into the kitchen. On the
counter was a little box, wrapped in red foil with a glittery green bow on top.
Presentation was becoming a priority to Tommy. Who knew? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Bobby shook it and then ripped the paper off in one
quick motion. So much for presentation. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He didn’t say anything at first, just stared.
Finally, one word came out of Bobby’s mouth. “Bullshit.” He looked like he
didn’t believe it, but he was grinning, his eyes bright with obvious emotion. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy had never been hugged so hard in his life. “I
take it that’s the right one?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Yeah it is.” Bobby whispered. He held the ornament
in his hand against Tommy’s back and Tommy wondered if Bobby was still looking
at it over his shoulder. “This means a lot to me, Tom.” The tough cop was
sniffling, for Christ sake. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I can tell.” Maybe Tommy sniffled a little himself.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He really did have everything he needed, right there
in his arms. Maybe Bobby did too.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy decided he’d tell Bobby about Collin’s puppy
later. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-64381309012754834842014-12-06T10:57:00.001-08:002014-12-06T10:57:03.316-08:00Giving ThanksIt's a little late for an actual Thanksgiving post, but since I asked everyone what they were thankful for this year, I thought I'd go ahead and post what I'm thankful for too. I guess what I'm most thankful for is that my list is so long. For the sake of this post, I'll try to trim a little. <br />
<br />
Always, I'm grateful for my kids. They're hilarious, kind, and generous. They amaze me every day.Their friends are pretty great and I'm thankful for them too. <br />
<br />
I'm thankful for my family and my friends who warm my heart and keep me going when things seem rough.<br />
<br />
I'm grateful for the wonderful people I've met this year--other writers who inspire me and are incredibly kind, readers who make my day when they drop me a message or leave a comment somewhere, everyone I've ever had an exchange with at DSP, and the folks I've made friends with along the way this year. I've been truly blessed. <br />
<br />
And, yes, I'm grateful for BOOKS. I have so many, but I keep buying more. It really does feel like an addiction, but it's a healthy one, so I'm okay with that.<br />
<br />
This one may seem silly, but when I was driving home last night, I realized how thankful I am for all the people in the neighborhoods putting up holiday lights. It really cheers me to drive by and see them twinkling so merrily. It feels like a little gift from a total stranger and it's one of my favorite parts of the holiday season. <br />
<br />
So, okay, I kept it short for the blog, but I hope everyone out there has things to be thankful for--big and small. <br />
<br />
One last note! Thank you to everyone who left a comment on the giveaway post! It was a joy reading your responses. Congrats to Vicki, Kezia, and Sula who won an audio download of <i>A Simple Romance</i>. When my lovely assistant (see: my lovely sister) was pulling the names from an actual hat, two stuck together, so I decided the universe was telling me I needed to give three away. Winners have been notified via email. :)<br />
<br />
Happy Holidays, everyone! Or, ya know, Happy Festivus if you prefer! <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-16544420982623706212014-11-30T11:19:00.000-08:002014-12-01T04:10:16.729-08:00Ben and Gavin<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">So I’m getting this posted months after my original
deadline, but, uh, just under the most recent one, so that counts for
something, right? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Originally it was supposed to be a smutty little
flashfic, but, good lord they ran away from me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Anyway! I just wanted to say thanks to all the
amazing readers who’ve enjoyed <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Last Thing
He Needs</i>. I’ve met so many awesome people in the last few months, and I’m
incredibly grateful for each one. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">One quick reminder! If you haven’t checked out <a href="http://knightwylde.blogspot.com/2014/11/how-about-giveaway.html?zx=82b962ec32436cd" target="_blank">the giveaway post</a> for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">A Simple Romance</i>
audio edition, there’s still time! I’ve gotten a couple of comments and PMs,
so, ya know, the more the merrier. :)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Things to keep in mind when reading this: </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">It’s not edited. You’ll understand why I love
editors because, dude. I need them. Also, this isn’t a proper short story, it’s
really just a backstory for Ben and Gavin. 18+ only, please! There’s only one
smutty scene, but it’s definitely adult reading, IMO. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Title: The Best Parts</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Characters: Ben and Gavin (Ben was briefly
introduced in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Last Thing He Needs</i>)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Word Count: 11K+</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">[Edit: I was in such a rush yesterday, I didn't realize my lovely cover didn't show up in the post! *shakes fist* Let's try that again. Cover by my awesome friend <a href="http://nicojaye.blogspot.com/?zx=a9fde3297858547c" target="_blank">Nico Jaye</a>]</span><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEictPlygvPUKd6zg9-rKd6Sj871WQOvIliq5jCu5U_SmkKF7ErjsNSEUvCTtipNSRVbfEK2FHVxPmSxcAcQCk3tg1nuIC-LGJfXVJeEnUqxe7HtMdJjbhlop4glde6qj-lQZgMVDwtlcek/s1600/Ben+and+Gavin+Pic.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEictPlygvPUKd6zg9-rKd6Sj871WQOvIliq5jCu5U_SmkKF7ErjsNSEUvCTtipNSRVbfEK2FHVxPmSxcAcQCk3tg1nuIC-LGJfXVJeEnUqxe7HtMdJjbhlop4glde6qj-lQZgMVDwtlcek/s1600/Ben+and+Gavin+Pic.png" height="320" width="207" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"></span></div>
<a name='more'></a>The club was jumping, hot and loud—just the way
Gavin liked it. He’d been dancing with one of his friends all night, hoping Ben
would take his invitation and meet him there. Tonight was his eighteenth
birthday after all, and Ben had been keeping him at arms-length for an entire
year. Ever since they met. But tonight? Gavin was finally legal and he knew how
he wanted to celebrate. <br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Are you still watching the door?” Tony, Gavin’s
best friend and partner in crimes of fashion shook his head and rolled his eyes
under the pulsing lightshow overhead. “He’s been turning you down for a year,
man.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin turned his back to Tony and rested his head on
his shoulder, pressing close and grinding his ass against him just for the hell
of it. “Not because he <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wanted</i> to turn
me down.” He felt pretty certain about that. Gavin always paid attention when
Ben was about to hook up with someone. And almost every time it was a slim guy
with a little swish in his walk, blond hair, and wide, willing eyes. He’d seen
Ben slip into the back room or out the side door more than once. More than a
dozen times, really. Gavin always burned with jealousy as he watched Ben take a
guy’s hand and tug him away from the crowd, but it gave him hope too. If Ben
had a type, well, Gavin fit the bill if nothing else. “He’s just been biding
his time.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Or avoiding the club slut he peeled off the
bathroom floor last year because he didn’t need the drama….” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin turned sharply and glared at Tony. “Did you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">seriously</i> just <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">say</i> that?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The look on Tony’s face was pure innocence and
kindness. Gavin hated it when he made a good point. He especially hated it when
Tony’s points were, well, pointy. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I’m still a virgin. You have to at least take back
the slut comment.” When Tony looked like he might argue, Gavin added, “Blowjobs
and handjobs don’t count.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I want that printed on a T-shirt.” Gavin didn’t
laugh at Tony’s obvious attempt to make up, but it was a near thing. Tony
pulled Gavin into a hug and said, “I’m just sayin’. He’s put you off for a year
and… looks like he’s putting you off tonight, so you might as well have some
fun, okay?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">God. Even more, he hated it when Tony’s pointy
points were accurate. “Fine, let’s go find someone to buy us a drink.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tony let himself be dragged toward the bar, but he
didn’t seem to enjoy it. “You have a fake ID, why not buy your own drink?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“It’s less fun that way.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben ran a nervous hand through his hair. He knew he
was about to make the biggest mistake of his life. He’d tried to ignore the
text earlier. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">It’s
my birthday. You gonna buy me a drink?</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">But ignoring Gavin was easier said than done. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Last
time I checked, you’re not 21, kiddo. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">That’s
why I need you to buy it for me. >_></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben had laughed and hated himself for texting back. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">So
you’re using me for free drinks? I’m wounded…</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">That
would only count if you ever actually bought me one.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">True.
And since you’ve got about 3 years to go, I guess you’re out of luck.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He could picture the kid scowling and smiling at the
same time. Goddamn it all. He’d been thinking about Gavin since the first time
he’d seen him. Sprawled out on the dingy floor in a dive bar, drunk or high or
both. Practically a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">child</i>. Ben had
gotten him on his feet, cleaned him up and taken him home. He’d settled Gavin
on his couch and gone to sleep in his own bed, but when he woke up just before
dawn with Gavin naked, trying to climb under the covers with him, well, hell. Ben
figured he deserved sainthood for turning that down. But even if Gavin had been
legal—which he wasn’t at the time—he wasn’t big on getting off with guys who
were too wasted to know where they were. Call him old fashioned, but he liked
his tricks at least coherent if not sober. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">That was over a year ago, though, and since then
Gavin had managed to wiggle his way into Ben’s heart. They were friends. They
laughed together and sometimes danced together, talked for hours some nights. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin had gotten his shit together a little, but
maybe not enough. He’d quit doing the heavy drugs, but he still liked to party.
Sometimes it seemed like he was doing it just to show Ben he wasn’t a kid.
Which was an all-time backfire since only a kid would do that. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">But none of that mattered now. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben stood in line, passed over the twenty for the
cover charge, and cursed himself for being too stupid to know when to run. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tony arched his brow when Gavin crinkled his nose at
the Shirley Temple in his hand. “Next time give the guy more to go on than
sweet and fruity.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I was trying to be cute.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The laugh Tony let slip was probably well earned,
but it didn’t make Gavin feel much better. Nudging him with his elbow,
grinning, Tony said, “Well, mission accomplished?” Before Gavin could say
anything, Tony’s eyes went wide. “Don’t look, but your favorite tattoo artist
just walked in.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Every muscle in Gavin’s body went rigid. “Are you
sure it’s him?” He resisted the urge to glance over his shoulder. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“He’s pretty hard to miss.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin’s heart beat harder in his chest as he tried
to decide how best to handle the situation. “Does he see me yet?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I don’t think so, but he’s definitely looking
around….” Tony looked away quickly. “Okay, he’s on his way over here.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Shit, um….” With no clear reason why, Gavin thrust
his drink at Tony. “Take this,” he said, panicking. “And, uh… laugh.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tony took the drink, looking more than slightly
ridiculous with the pink soda in one hand and his gin and tonic in the other.
“Laugh?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Yes, like I just said something really funny.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Well you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i>
funny, but….” Being the best friend a guy could have, Tony threw his head back
and laughed loud and hard. If he ever decided to go into acting, Gavin thought
he might have a shot. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Did I miss something good?” Ben asked as he stepped
up to them. When he slipped his arm around Gavin’s waist, Gavin nearly jumped. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Turning to face Ben, Gavin wrapped his arm around
one of Ben’s bulky shoulders, his fingertips tracing the colorful pattern that
peeked out from under Ben’s T-shirt. “We were just talking about this guy
that’s been cruising us all night.” He held Ben’s eye as he said it, hoping Ben
wouldn’t turn his attention to Tony. He couldn’t see his friend at the moment,
but he could practically feel Tony’s eyes rolling. “Did you come to buy me that
birthday drink?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben’s smile widened, teasing and sweet. “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">No</i>,” he said pointedly before he leaned
in and… kissed Gavin’s forehead. “I came to have a dance with the birthday boy
before I head home.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He’d known it was a bad idea, hadn’t he? So why was
he surprised when Gavin took his offer of a dance—not as a gentle letdown, but
as a challenge? Not even a challenge so much as an invitation to let Ben fuck
him right there on the dance floor. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">They’d been going at it for less than twenty minutes
and Gavin had plastered himself to Ben. The worst part? It was totally working.
The little shit had Ben so hard in his jeans, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to
ride home without jerking off somewhere first. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">As one song faded into another, Gavin pressed
closer—which hardly seemed possible. He ground his hips against Ben and then
looked at him, a knowing expression lighting up Gavin’s eyes. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Damn
it</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“So you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">are</i>
happy to see me.” Gavin teased. Little bastard that he was, Gavin did another
grind against him and then wrapped both arms around Ben’s shoulders, threading
his fingers into Ben’s hair. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I never said I wasn’t.” His response probably
sounded more gruff, maybe even hostile, than he’d meant it, but it couldn’t be
helped. He was too busy arguing with the one shred of sanity he had left. The
part that kept telling him to head home, take a cold shower, and maybe move to
another state before sunrise. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You never said you were, either.” Gavin pointed
out. Ben couldn’t tell if the pout playing on Gavin’s lips was for show or
genuine. He knew for sure when Gavin added more quietly, “You never do,
actually.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Well that felt like a punch to the gut. The music
was still blaring on all sides, everyone around them was still bouncing and
grinding together, but Ben and Gavin had stopped moving, maybe even stopped
breathing. Ben tightened his arms around Gavin, hugging him, wanting to carry
him out of the club and into the fresh night air. Instead of doing that, he
leaned in close and said against Gavin’s ear, “Maybe that’s because I’m always
glad to see you.” He let himself breathe again, inhale the earthy scent of
Gavin’s cologne, the smell of clean sweat, and something else…vodka? Who the
hell knew. When Gavin didn’t have a comeback for him, Ben added, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Too</i> glad, usually.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin still hadn’t said anything and Ben started to
wonder if he’d imagined it. Maybe Gavin had finally driven him insane and he’d
snapped, living in his own fantasy world where the two of them made sense,
where wanting to be with a guy half his age didn’t make him some skeevy old
perv, but instead was perfectly natural. Wanting to take care of Gavin and take
him home, not for one night, but for every night, meant he was finally <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">there</i>. Finally the guy he’d wanted to
be. And Gavin was the guy he wanted to be that guy for. Or something like that.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He pulled back to see Gavin’s face, see if he’d
heard him, see if he was ready to laugh now that Ben had finally called his
bluff. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Lost for words? That was a first. Gavin looked like
he was so stunned he couldn’t process anything. Ben couldn’t help the bark of
laughter and he especially couldn’t help hugging the kid and kissing his
forehead. “C’mon,” he said finally, still laughing. “I got you something for your
birthday. Walk me out so I can give it to you?” He didn’t wait for a response.
Instead, he reached for Gavin’s hand and pulled him toward the door. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tony looked just as surprised as Gavin felt as they
passed him on the way to the exit. He still managed to give Gavin a thumbs-up
and a grin, though. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin could only nod and shrug. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The cold air outside tapped him like a slap on his
hot cheeks. June was still a hit-and-miss month weather wise. Even though it
had been fairly warm earlier, as soon as the sun went down, the chill crept up
from wherever it had hidden all day. Gavin was glad for the reality check. The
nip in the air felt like an answer to his<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">
pinch me, I must be dreaming</i> thought process. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben pulled him along and kept him close as they made
their way around the building to the alley where Ben had parked his bike. He
was scowling and Gavin couldn’t figure out why until he glanced over his
shoulder and saw two guys watching them. Gay bashers? Wouldn’t that fit right
in with the rest of his life? Less than ten minutes after Ben tells him he’s
always glad to see him, and then they end up in a pool of blood and broken
bones. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fabulous</i>. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">But, no, they were just two guys trying to find some
action for the night. The look on Ben’s face must have told them they were
barking up the wrong trees because they turned the other direction. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin realized he still hadn’t said anything when
Ben asked him, “You okay?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">His question was sort of offhanded as he turned and reached
across his bike to open the saddlebag, but he glanced over his shoulder and
searched Gavin’s face at the same time. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Yeah, just… ears are still ringing, ya know?” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Head still spinning</i> would’ve been more
accurate, but he couldn’t really tell Ben that, could he? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben only nodded as he faced Gavin and handed him a
booklet and a small box wrapped in shiny blue paper—Gavin’s favorite color—with
sparkly ribbon and little metallic stars hanging off it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">When Gavin started to pick at the paper, wanting to
unwrap it, Ben said, “Open that one later.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin couldn’t help an exasperated huff, but he
grinned at Ben. “Don’t want me to see what it is while you’re with me?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben actually looked embarrassed and that was better
than whatever was in the box, Gavin was pretty sure. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Something like that. But... just look at the
college courses, okay?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Glancing at the booklet, Gavin realized he had a
catalog for the nearest community college in his hand. He and Ben had talked
more than once about what he was going to do with himself after he got out of
high school. Gavin’s plan had been to see what happened. Ben didn’t like that
plan, apparently. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He must have seen something in Gavin’s expression
because Ben said, “Look, don’t get shitty about it, okay? The fact that you
managed to graduate at all while you were couch surfing for over a year,
working, and partying too much…. You’re a hell of a lot smarter than you give
yourself credit for, Gav. Don’t waste it, ya know?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin nodded again—which seemed all he was capable
of in the last half hour—and Ben took it as an invitation to add to his
previous comment. “Maybe it’ll help you figure out what you want to—” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Before Ben could finish with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">be when you grow up</i>, Gavin narrowed his eyes, ready to argue, which
made Ben laugh and pull him into another hug. Every protest Gavin had prepared
fell away as he buried his face against Ben’s chest and felt Ben’s breath
against the top of his head. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I was going to say it might help you figure out
what you want to do with your life.” Ben said gently, a smile evident in his
tone. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin was pretty sure he knew what he wanted to do
with the rest of his life already. Most of it involved being somewhere naked
with Ben, but he couldn’t say that. He knew Ben would push him away (not
unkindly, but firmly) and tell him he was a kid. He’d gotten that same response
the first time he’d tried anything with Ben. And the second. And the twentieth
time, for that matter. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He pulled back just enough to meet Ben’s eyes. “Oh,”
he said stupidly, feeling his cheeks heat again as he bit his lip around a
smile. He still clutched the present in his hand between them, his other arm
wrapped around Ben. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You got a place to crash tonight?” Ben asked, his
brow knitting together, concern of one kind or another. Invitation, maybe?
Gavin wasn’t sure and couldn’t let himself get his hopes up. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Steph said I could sleep in the office tonight, but
she forgot to leave me the key. I was gonna ask Tony, but he was hoping to hook
up with the DJ, so….” Everything came out in a breathless rush as Ben pulled
back from him. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Without saying anything else, Ben popped the latch
on the case mounted to the back of his bike. He grabbed his helmet and looked
at Gavin for a beat before he finally spoke. “I only brought one helmet with
me.” He shoved it down on Gavin’s head and grinned. “Your face is prettier than
mine, so you get to wear it. But if I get a ticket tonight, you’re paying it.”
After he hopped on and got the engine going, he turned to look at Gavin again.
“Keep your hands above my waist this time. I nearly wrapped us around a
telephone pole the last time I gave you lift.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Best
birthday ever. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Awesome. Being the brilliant man he was, Ben had
taken a bad idea and turned it into the worst possible plan ever. Gavin clung
to him as they cruised down the city streets, up the hills, and through the
alleys. He held his birthday present in his hand, pressed tightly against Ben’s
chest, as if he couldn’t part with it even long enough to ride home. Well, back
to Ben’s place, at least. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben kept trying to tell himself that this was no
different from the other few nights he’d let Gavin sleep over when he had
nowhere else to go. He’d put a blanket and pillow on the couch for Gavin. He’d
sit up for an hour or two and talk with him until Gavin was sleepy enough,
comfortable enough, to nod off. He’d go to his own bed and jerk off thinking
about Gavin, then he’d feel like a perv and a shitty friend, and then he’d fall
asleep too. In the morning he’d make some coffee and run down to the diner
around the corner to pick up some breakfast for them just to make sure Gavin
got some food in him. Ben wasn’t sure, but he had the feeling Gavin didn’t eat
nearly often enough. He pictured the kid living on ramen noodles and stale
chips from vending machines. He hoped he was wrong, but the few times he’d seen
Gavin with his shirt off, Ben had been able to count his ribs. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">When Gavin tightened his arms and tensed behind him,
Ben realized how fast he was going and eased off the throttle. He had been so
lost in his own head, he nearly missed the turn for his apartment and pulled up
with a slightly reckless skid in front of the building. Gavin didn’t let go
when he cut the engine, but that might’ve been because he was terrified. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You should definitely invest in a second helmet.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Laughing, Ben gently moved Gavin’s hands and
untangled himself from the kid. “I have another helmet, remember? I just didn’t
expect company tonight.” His laughter died when he saw Gavin’s eyes. He looked
like a deer staring down the barrel of a shotgun. “You’re shaking.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Yeah, well, near death experiences will do that to
me.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben reached his hand to unbuckle the strap on the
helmet and tugged it off for him. “You were nowhere near death, I promise.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin moved stiffly as he got to his feet, steadying
himself with a hand on Ben’s shoulder as he awkwardly climbed off the bike.
“Tell that to my bladder. I nearly pissed myself on that last turn.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">With another bark of laughter, unintentional but
unstoppable, Ben took Gavin’s hand and led him to the stairs. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The first time Gavin had been in Ben’s apartment,
he’d been surprised. He’d expected to see beer bottles and pizza boxes all over
the living room, milk crates for end tables, a ratty sofa. He didn’t know why
he thought Ben would live like a poor frat boy, but he did. Instead he found a
tidy, comfortable home. A leather couch and overstuffed chair took up most of
the living room and framed photos hung on the wall and sat on shelves with all
kinds of different books. Art books, history books, high fantasy novels. Ben
was one of the only people he knew who still had real paper books. Not to
mention the hundreds of digital copies he kept on his phone. Gavin’s favorite,
though, was the leather bound portfolio of all of Ben’s work. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Without any further invitation, Gavin set his
birthday present down, picked up the portfolio, and started flipping through
the pages. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“There’s nothing new in there,” Ben told him as he
put on some music, something quiet and slow, relaxing. “Haven’t added anything
in a couple months. The book down at the shop has a few, though.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin had never been to Ben’s shop. He felt enough
like a puppy following him around, he didn’t need to show up at Ben’s job
uninvited. “I still like to look.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ducking his head around the corner from the kitchen,
Ben said, “Suit yourself. You hungry?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Nah, Tony took me to dinner and Steph bought me
lunch.” After looking at his favorites in the portfolio, Gavin set it back down
on the coffee table. “Birthdays are great for free food,” he added before going
over to the fireplace to look at the pictures on the mantel. He’d seen them all
before, but one stood out this time. He wasn’t sure if he’d never noticed it or
if it was new. Two men, wrapped around each other, smiled happily under the glass.
“Hey, who are these guys?” he asked as Ben came back into the living room. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He could feel Ben come up behind him. Not quite
touching, but close enough to radiate heat. Ben’s breath tickled his skin as he
leaned over Gavin’s shoulder and looked at the photograph. “My ex and his
husband.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You guys are still friends?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Yeah, hell, he’s one of my best friends.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Why’d you two break up?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“He wanted…more.” Ben said with a shrug, adding, “I
wanted a good time.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Can’t you have both?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You can, but I didn’t know that at the time. I was
young when we got together.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“How young?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben snorted a laugh. “Twenty five.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“That’s not that young.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Not when you’re eighteen, but now… it’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">young</i>.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin turned and was surprised when Ben didn’t pull
back. He looked long and hard at Ben’s face, the laugh lines around his eyes,
the few gray hairs in his stubble and shaggy brown hair. “How old are you,
anyway?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><br />
Ben leaned closer and dipped his head. Almost close enough to kiss Gavin, but
he didn’t. He whispered, “You’ve never asked me that before.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I’m asking now.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben’s smile turned predatory, playful. “More than
twice your age. I’ve got regrets older than you. Does that bother you?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I wouldn’t say that, no. How much more than half?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I’m thirty seven. You do the math.” Ben laughed again
and finally pulled away. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“That’s not that bad.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">In response, Ben chuckled and lifted a brow. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I mean… when I’m thirty, you won’t even be fifty.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">When Ben let out another loud laugh, Gavin could
feel his skin heat with embarrassment. He could get nearly any guy he so much
as looked at, but Ben? Ben made him feel like a stupid kid without even meaning
to. Well, he assumed Ben didn’t mean to.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I’ll be close enough, kiddo.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin huffed in annoyance and crossed his arms over
his chest. “I’m an adult now, Ben.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He could tell Ben was trying not to laugh again. His
brown eyes softened and he stepped closer, putting his big hands on Gavin’s
shoulders. “No adult feels the need to point that out.” He’d said the words gently,
but Gavin still bristled. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You’re an asshole, ya know that?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben pulled him close and wrapped an arm around his
waist. He reached his other hand higher, tangling his fingers in Gavin’s hair.
“I’m glad you finally figured that out. I’ve been trying to tell you as much
for months.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">All of a sudden there was far less air in the room
than there had been moments earlier. Ben held him tight, their bodies pressed
together, as the music in the background seemed to surround them. Ben was
dancing with him. Not the way they danced at clubs and parties when the hard
rhythm pushed them faster, sent them into the space of others around them. This
was different. Tender, slow. Gavin felt like he was in the middle of his own
movie scene. But not the wild porn he’d hoped this night would turn into.
Instead, he was in the middle of a chick-flick-gone-gay. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">When Ben said, “You really are beautiful, ya know?”
Gavin couldn’t help laughing. Not because he didn’t like hearing it from Ben,
but when he pictured himself giving Tony the play-by-play of the night, he knew
how cheesy it would sound. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You have the weirdest seduction routine. I’m just
sayin’.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He’d already shared too much with Gavin. Not just
tonight, but nearly every night since they met. Gavin knew more about him than
most of his friends, more than his family too, but that was only because there
are things you just can’t tell your mother or sister. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben knew he was in deep enough already. He should
let go of Gavin—literally and figuratively—and move on, let them both move on. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">That didn’t feel like an option, though. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He tightened his hold on Gavin and dipped his head,
brushing his stubbled cheek next to Gavin’s smooth, soft skin. “I don’t have a
routine,” he whispered. When Gavin pulled back, just enough to see his face,
Ben added, “And even if I did, I doubt I could think clearly enough around you
to use it.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The look he got for that simple, somewhat painful
admission was worth all the cold showers and cheap hookups he’d had over the
past several months. Gavin’s eyes widened with surprise, a smile tugged at his
lips, but mostly he stared in disbelief. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Yeah, totally worth it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Fighting his own smile, Ben asked quietly, “You sure
you aren’t hungry?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin blinked once, slowly, then again. “I… What?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">They were still dancing, shuffling their feet in a
clumsy box step, almost a waltz, but not quite. Ben pulled him closer. “Want me
to make you something?” The kid really did need to eat more. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">A sweet flush crept up Gavin’s pale skin, spreading
over his neck to his cheeks. “No, I….” He breathed out a laugh and buried his
face against Ben’s shoulder. “That’s not what I thought you were going to ask.”
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben slipped his hand between them, tucked his
fingers under Gavin’s chin and tilted his face up. He traced his thumb against
Gavin’s lower lip and smiled when Gavin looked him in the eye. “I hoped I
wouldn’t have to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ask</i> for anything
else.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Not saying anything at first, Gavin stopped moving.
Ben could feel the sharp intake of his breath, maybe even a small tremor
running through Gavin’s slight frame, as if his blood thrummed too hard in his
veins. “You don’t.” he whispered against the touch of Ben’s thumb. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">A first kiss shouldn’t feel like a do-or-die moment,
but it did. Ben knew if he did what he wanted to, there was no going back. No
matter what happened afterward, he couldn’t undo it—for better or worse. Maybe
knowing that should’ve made it harder but Ben held Gavin’s eye for one more
moment, considered all the rights and wrongs for the span of a heartbeat, and
then he leaned in and touched his lips to Gavin’s. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin didn’t know what he’d expected—Fireworks,
maybe? Spontaneous orgasm?—but instead, all he could think about was how
perfectly right his world suddenly seemed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When he inhaled, Ben pushed his tongue gently into Gavin’s mouth and
made a sound Gavin had never heard before, not from Ben anyway. Something close
to a growl, all heat and want, maybe even desperation. Then Gavin was sure. All
this time, all those lingering looks, all those slight touches, all the
concern—it wasn’t all in his head. Gavin hadn’t been living off wishful
thinking. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben wanted him, maybe even more than Gavin had
hoped. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Spontaneous orgasm didn’t seem all that unlikely
when Ben slipped his hands lower, running over Gavin’s ass and then suddenly
lifting him up. Gavin gasped and broke the kiss, unable to stop the grin on his
face as he wrapped his legs around Ben’s hips. He fit nicely against Ben’s
solid frame, felt secure as Ben made his way down the hall to the bedroom. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Somewhere in the back of his mind, Gavin had
expected to be settled gently onto the mattress, like a maiden on her wedding
night. When Ben nearly tossed him onto the middle of the bed, Gavin’s laugh was
loud and surprised. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You’re heavier than you look,” Ben teased him as he
kicked off his shoes and leaned over Gavin. “And you’re wearing way too many
clothes.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben took care of that problem faster than Gavin
thought possible. Within seconds, Ben had stripped him, leaving light, tickling
kisses over every inch of exposed skin. Gavin’s muscles jumped under Ben’s warm
breath, the feel of his scruffy stubble, the nip of his teeth. He could feel
goose bumps rising with every touch and even heard himself whimper when Ben’s
cheek grazed his cock. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">With a gentle touch, Ben pushed Gavin’s legs back,
spreading his thighs so he could get closer. When Ben slid lower, trailing his
tongue over Gavin’s balls, Gavin dropped his hand into Ben’s hair. He twisted
his fingers in, tugged gently, and then stilled. He wasn’t sure, but he thought
he could feel Ben smile against his skin. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“If you don’t stop, you’re gonna make me come before
you even take off your shirt.” Gavin whispered, panting lightly even as Ben
dipped his head farther down and slid his tongue over Gavin’s entrance. “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Shit.</i>” The head of his cock was already
slick with precome, smearing against his stomach with every shift of his hips.
When Ben pushed his tongue inside, Gavin shuddered, his bare feet resting
against Ben’s shoulders, toes curling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">They were in uncharted territory now. Gavin had
given his share of blowjobs, received plenty too, but this? The feel of Ben’s
tongue pushing deeper, slick and warm, Ben’s fingers spreading him open, giving
him better access, it was damn near too much. At the same time, it wasn’t quite
enough. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben didn’t stop at first, when Gavin muttered his
name, but when Gavin twisted his fingers tighter into Ben’s hair and tugged
again, Ben lifted his head. His breath rushed out in harsh pants, his lips wet
as he nuzzled against Gavin’s inner thigh before asking, “You okay?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Yeah, just….” Okay wasn’t really the right word. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fantastic</i>, maybe. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Terrified</i>, definitely. “Just wanted you to kiss me,” he whispered,
unable to get enough air into his lungs to move the words with any more
conviction. Not that he was lying. He just wasn’t telling the whole truth,
either. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">was</i>
kissing you.” Amusement lit up Ben’s deep brown eyes. As he shifted over Gavin,
he left a trail of playful kisses over his stomach and chest, his shoulders,
his neck, and finally, Gavin’s mouth. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin fisted his hand into Ben’s T-shirt, tangling
his other into Ben’s hair as he pulled Ben over him. The rough denim of Ben’s
jeans brushed against his skin, almost painful against his erection until he
was able to wiggle and shift slightly higher, wrap himself around Ben’s body. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Apparently the way he moved did something for Ben
because Gavin got a deep moan from him as Ben kissed him harder. He pulled back
with a sharp breath and looked in Gavin’s eyes, trailing his fingertips up the
side of Gavin’s face and into his hair. “If you end up giving me a heart attack
tonight, just know that I’m going to my grave happy.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Laughing, Gavin tugged at Ben’s shirt as he tried to
push it up higher, wanting it off. “I’ll be sure and tell the paramedics that
as they roll you off me.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben pulled back onto his knees and reached his hand
over his shoulder so he could pull his shirt off. “Mention it in the eulogy
too.” He tossed the shirt aside and then paused as Gavin trailed a hand over
his chest. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin couldn’t look away. He’d never seen Ben naked
before, only little hints of different tattoos on his arms or creeping out from
under his shirt or the top of his jeans when he stretched. “I’ve never seen all
your ink.” Nearly every inch was covered in dark lines, filled in with bright,
beautiful colors. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben quirked an eyebrow, his expression only slightly
smug, amused. “Should I turn off the lights so you’re not distracted?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Unable to say anything, Gavin only shook his head in
answer, still mapping out every image with his fingers, as if he could read the
story they were trying to tell. When the pictures drifted lower, into the top
of Ben’s jeans, Gavin followed, tugging the buttons on Ben’s fly until they
slowly popped open one by one. He slid his hands against Ben’s skin and pushed
his jeans down. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">God, there were tattoos everywhere.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben shifted over him again, and it only took Gavin a
second to realize he was pushing his jeans off, kicking them to the floor along
with his socks. No underwear. Why was that such a turn on? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The ink on Ben’s body sprawled down his legs, even
covered the tops of his feet. One of the few bare areas was just past his
hipbones in the dark thatch of hair around his cock. Gavin trailed his
fingertip in a smooth line up Ben’s shaft and glanced up to see his face. Ben
closed his eyes and Gavin could feel him shudder. “Nothing here?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">With a laugh, Ben leaned in and caught Gavin’s mouth
in another kiss. “No,” he whispered, kissing Gavin again before shifting
against him, fitting himself between Gavin’s thighs and grinding his hips
against him. “Some hurt more than others, but I’m not interested in finding out
how much <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that</i> would hurt.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin’s breath released in a quick rush, part
whimper and part groan as Ben rocked against him, their slick erections sliding
together between them. “Fair point,” he whispered, hearing the tremor in his
own voice. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">When Ben reached over him, pulling the drawer on his
nightstand open and coming back with a condom and a bottle of lube, Gavin
figured it was time for his big reveal. “Hey, um,” On the scale of awkward
admissions, being a virgin barely registered. It’s not like he was about to
tell Ben he was positive or into varsity level kink, right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Just so ya know, I mean….” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Curiosity and (always) concern registered on Ben’s
face as he stilled, holding his weight off Gavin with one elbow on the
mattress. He didn’t say anything, only waited for Gavin to go on. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I haven’t, like… I mean, I’ve done stuff,
obviously, but I’ve never…” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Bottomed?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Relief washed through Gavin when Ben finished his
sentence so plainly for him. “Right. Or topped, for that matter.” Gavin bit his
lip and watched Ben’s face, trying to read his expressions. He didn’t have much
luck because Ben simply looked at him, as if he’d forgotten where they were
headed and was trying to remember. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Well. If he hadn’t felt like a dirty old man before,
he would now. “Okay,” Ben whispered roughly. He knew there was probably a
better response, but he couldn’t think beyond the one simple word. He searched
his memory, going over the mental list of his first sexual experiences. Not the
actual first, because that was painful and awkward and unsatisfying. Two
bumbling teens, groping and rutting against each other. No lube, no condoms,
and no clue. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">But later—years later—it had gotten better. Ben had
found different men in every corner of the country. Teachers, lovers, friends.
He learned his own body, learned what he liked and what he didn’t like, what he
could put up with for someone, and what he absolutely couldn’t be bothered to
do. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Leaning closer, Ben brushed a kiss against Gavin’s
mouth as he trailed his hand lower and wrapped his fingers around Gavin’s cock
with a slow stroke. “We’re not gonna do anything you don’t wanna do tonight,
all right?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin inhaled against his mouth and then dropped his
head to the pillow. “I know,” he whispered. His bright blue eyes only held
trust as he looked at Ben and wasn’t that enough to tip things over the edge? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I didn’t say I don’t want to. I just thought you
should know.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben could only nod in response as he stroked Gavin’s
cock in a loose grip, trailing his thumb over the slick crown until Gavin
gasped. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You should probably stop that, though.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin dropped his hand to cover Ben’s and Ben nearly
laughed even as he leaned in for another kiss. “I’ll take care of you.” His
words were a whispered promise and if Gavin was paying attention—and the kid
seemed like he was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">always</i> paying
attention—he hopefully understood everything Ben meant. Taking care of Gavin
was all he wanted to do. Not just tonight, not just in bed. He wanted Gavin
someplace safe and well fed, someplace he could call home.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">When Gavin gave him a tentative smile, slipped his
free hand over Ben’s shoulder and pulled him closer, Ben brushed his lips
against Gavin’s neck and inhaled deeply. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You’ve been taking care of me since the first night
we met.” Gavin’s words were barely audible, hesitant, as if he was connecting
the dots in his head, puzzling out an answer he was afraid of—or maybe afraid
to hope for. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“When you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">let</i>
me,” Ben countered. He hoped the tease was clear in his tone. Gavin didn’t make
things easy for him on any level. Even when he really needed something, Gavin
would often reject it outright when it was offered. More than once Ben had to
insist and leave no room for arguments. “So let me take care of you tonight.”
He punctuated the words with one more steady stroke over Gavin’s cock before
letting go. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin let out a shaky breath and nodded. His skin
flushed beautifully as Ben reached for the lube and slicked his fingers. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“It’ll hurt,” Ben whispered, kissing Gavin again. “I
can’t take that away, but I can make it easier.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I know,” Gavin told him, letting out a small gasp
as Ben slid his finger against the tight ring of muscle, pushing in and pulling
out in slow, easy motions. “I’m not totally clueless, just…” His voice caught
on another sharp breath, almost a laugh as he went on, “Just new.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben took his time. He watched every small expression
flit across Gavin’s face, watched the way Gavin’s muscles pulled and twitched
all over his lithe body. He couldn’t remember ever using so much lube on a guy,
but every time he thought Gavin might be ready, he decided to wait a little
longer. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Maybe, if he were honest with himself, he was just
scared shitless. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">By the time Gavin looked ready to fly apart, Ben had
decided to just get him off like that—fingers, tongue, mouth. He figured he
could push Gavin over the edge with nothing more than a quick stroke over the
head of Gavin’s cock. His own erection ached to be inside Gavin, but he
couldn’t bring himself to do it. At least, he didn’t think he could. But when
Gavin whimpered his name and muttered a simple <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">please</i> Ben didn’t have much of a choice. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He nearly fumbled the condom more than once, could
barely get the damn thing open with his shaking hands, but he finally managed
to get it on. Then he froze. Gavin stared at him with his bright, trusting
eyes. A look of impatience mingled with something close to terror in his
expression, but he reached for Ben anyway. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Chewing the inside of his cheek, Ben closed himself
around Gavin. He knew he should turn him over, get him into an easier position,
but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. All he wanted was to hold Gavin, watch
his face when he came, see if he could read Gavin’s thoughts, sense his needs. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">And wasn’t that a ridiculous idea? Being with Gavin
was going to turn him into a mind reader? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">And a poet, apparently. Because this? Touching the
head of his cock against Gavin’s entrance, pushing in and pulling back when he
gasped, Gavin’s skin flushing so prettily, his eyes widening, his muscles
tensing and then easing so Ben could push in again. It deserved a fucking
sonnet. A love song. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Burying himself deep inside Gavin felt like a
goddamn masterpiece in the making. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin had been so close to the edge before Ben even
got the condom on, he’d expected it to be a little…less painful? He’d at least
thought it would be easy, if not the best feeling of his life. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He was wrong, at least at first. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben’s tenderness and achingly slow motions were an
unintentional torture. There came a point where—fully committed and unwilling
to say “never mind, just kidding!”—all Gavin wanted was to get it over with. He
wanted Ben to move faster, harder against him. If he couldn’t get off tonight,
maybe Ben could at least. Maybe if they hurried it along, Gavin could go take a
warm shower and then sit on an icepack until the morning came. Then he could
tuck his bruised ego away with his bruised ass and go back to blowjobs. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You okay?” Ben’s voice teetered on anguish, but he
managed the words. “Need me to go slower, baby?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Baby</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">.
God. Gavin did love that. Ben usually reserved that one for when he was
especially drunk and they were talking on the phone in the middle of the night.
Or, once, only a couple of months earlier when Gavin had turned up on his
doorstep, shivering, crying. He’d been to see his mom, tried again to get her
to even look at him. That had ended like most things with his mother ended: badly.
Ben had been the only person in the world he’d felt like seeing that night.
Thankfully, he had opened his door and then pulled Gavin in for a warm, tight
hug. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">But, wait. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Slower</i>?
God no. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">With his jaw clenched tight and his teeth grinding
together, it was hard to get the words out. “Need more, Ben. Please.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">If it was ever going to end, he needed more. Didn’t
actually <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">want</i> more, but he couldn’t
tell Ben that. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin closed his eyes when Ben growled against his
neck and thrust in deep and hard. Pain shot through him again, his body tensed
and he held his breath. Then Ben shifted his weight, pushed Gavin’s legs
farther back and drove in with one steady push and everything changed. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Every move Ben made seemed to wake up a different
nerve ending in Gavin. In a good way, surprisingly enough. Where the pain had
seemed endless, the fullness too much to take, all of a sudden, it was all he
wanted. His body was alive for what felt like the first time, pulsing with
sparks of heat that chased down his spine, lit up his fingers, his toes. His
balls tightened and his cock started to get hard again. Which Gavin had thought
was a thing of the past. A moment earlier he didn’t think he’d ever get hard
again. Now, as Ben built a heavy rhythm, as his breath beat against Gavin’s
skin, as their bodies grew hot and slick with sweat, Gavin started to wonder
why the hell he’d thought this was a bad idea. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben pulled back again, catching Gavin’s eye when
Gavin looked at him. “Better?” he asked, and Gavin couldn’t even nod, couldn’t
say a word. All that came out was a sharp grunt when Ben thrust into him again.
He bit his lips between his teeth and moaned into his closed mouth. “I’ll take
that as a yes,” Ben whispered, staying just as he was, grinding his hips in
quick, short strokes. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin reached a hand up to Ben’s shoulder. He
splayed his pale fingers against the patterns, the story of Ben’s life, and it
seemed perfect, a different kind of art. Like Gavin could blend in there, weave
himself into Ben’s rich history, his colorful world. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Another harsh groan slipped from Ben’s mouth with
another heavy thrust and Gavin lost track of everything else. When Ben said,
“Stroke yourself,” in his rough, deep voice, Gavin didn’t have to think. He
simply dropped his hand from Ben’s shoulder and wrapped his fingers around his
cock. Ben’s brow furrowed and he muttered something that sounded a lot like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">so fucking beautiful</i> and then they were
both climbing higher, getting closer to the edge together.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Only a few minutes passed before Gavin’s world
narrowed to the porn-worthy sound of skin slapping on skin. Their bodies hot
and slick, their voices raising in gasps and moans, until finally, Ben drove in
just hard enough in just the right spot at just the right second. Gavin grazed
his thumb over the head of his cock and he was coming between them, spilling
out white heat as he muttered Ben’s name. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Maybe that was what Ben had been waiting for. Gavin
thought so, because as his body thrummed with release, as he shuddered through
it, Ben offered one last heavy thrust and then he stilled. His face froze for a
moment, his voice sounding harsh, ruined as he cried out and then, finally,
collapsed on Gavin. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The weight of Ben’s body was more comforting than
he’d expected and the hot rush of Ben’s breath against his ear sent another
shudder through Gavin. Then he heard, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Christ</i>
I love you.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin’s eyes flew open in surprise. Ben was wrapped
around him, holding him tight, still inside him. Gavin looked up at the
ceiling, the room framed against Ben’s shoulder. For a moment he tried to
decide if Ben had actually said it or if he’d imagined it. The whole night was
starting to feel like some kind of dark magic, a gift from ancient gods to make
up for a shitty life. Then, after a few more seconds passed and Gavin decided
it might be real, he tried to decide if he should say anything. He’d been in
love with Ben since the first time Ben smiled at him, but he’d never admitted
it to anyone. The idea alone made him feel like he was too young to throw the
word around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Thankfully Ben didn’t seem to need a response. Or
maybe he was trying to pretend he’d never said anything, because when he pulled
back, he looked at Gavin like he always did. His brown eyes were lit up with
tenderness, his smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, and then he leaned in
and kissed Gavin soundly before he slowly pulled out. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Maybe Gavin hadn’t heard him. And that was probably
for the best, right? Because, seriously, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’m
coming and oh-by-the-way-I-love-you</i> is kind of ridiculous. Who does that?
He hadn’t meant to say it, but once the words were out, part of him had been
relieved. The rest of him was in a cold panic, sure, but there was one small
fragment that was glad he’d finally let it out. Gavin had been chasing him for
a full year now, and Ben was ready to be caught. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Despite how ridiculous the idea of them together
was. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He made quick work of the cleanup without saying
anything else and when he had finished, he tucked Gavin up against him, covered
them both and reached for the lamp. Maybe he just needed a good night’s sleep
to clear his head and let this kid go. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Don’t,” Gavin said quietly, reaching his hand out
to stop Ben from turning off the light. He turned in Ben’s arms and pushed him
onto his back. “I wanna see.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin looked bashful as hell, but he crawled on top
of Ben and started tracing his fingertips over Ben’s skin. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Can’t you see in the morning?” Ben asked, quirking
a brow, unable to stop his smile as he looked at Gavin. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">At first, Gavin only shook his head in answer. Then,
as his fingers landed on Ben’s oldest, and probably his favorite tattoo, Gavin
said, “This one isn’t your design.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">How he knew that was a mystery, but Ben nodded. He
didn’t have to look down to know which one Gavin was talking about. He could
feel Gavin running over the amateurish lines of the wolf, baying at the moon. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Did your friend do this one?” Ben was pretty sure
he knew which friend Gavin was talking about, but Gavin added in an apologetic
whisper, “The one who died?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Jeremy had been his best friend since the second
grade. They’d been more like brothers than buddies. They were technically
distant cousins, but Ben hadn’t learned that until Jeremy’s funeral when he was
seventeen. Fucking leukemia. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“How’d you know that?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin looked surprised by the question, but he
answered anyway. “You never fixed it. It’s never been touched up, or…. I just
figured that was probably why.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Well, hell. The kid paid even closer attention than
Ben had realized. With a shrug, Ben said, “I’ve thought about fixing it, could
probably do it myself in the mirror, but….” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Sometimes the imperfections are what make it
perfect.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Damn. Ben nodded in answer. He didn’t know what to
say to that. Gavin was right, of course, but looking up into Gavin’s face, the
way his blond hair fell over his eyes, his full lips flushed pink against
alabaster skin…. On the surface, Gavin was the embodiment of perfection, but
Ben knew him better than that. Gavin’s scars just ran too deep to see, even up
close. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Before Ben could say anything else, Gavin slid his
hand higher, resting it over Ben’s heart. “Why don’t you have anything here?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The answer to that one was more embarrassing than
Ben realized, at least when he had to admit it to Gavin. “Saving that for
something special. I’ll know it when I find it.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin didn’t ask for anything further, thank God,
but he did inch his way lower. He skipped over the few places he’d looked at
earlier, when Ben had stripped off his clothes. Gavin traced the line work down
his thigh, over his kneecap, down his shin. Those ones were nothing special,
almost like doodles that Ben had tried to work into a coherent design of leaves
and flowers, vines. Gavin seemed to know without asking that they were only
decorative with no real meaning behind them. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He paused to tickle Ben’s feet, made him flinch and
jump and laugh, before he finally slid off him. Ben thought he might be allowed
to sleep now, but, no. “Turn over.” Gavin said, his voice quiet, with a hint of
childish demand in it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben did what he was asked, rolling his eyes and
grinning as he tucked a pillow under his chin before he spread his arms out for
Gavin. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He could picture each line as Gavin found them with
his fingers, tickling here and there, and Ben waited for the laugh when Gavin
moved higher. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Something close to a giggle slipped out when Gavin
asked, “Why do you have a giant rainbow-colored rose on your ass?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Unable to stop the groan with his answer, Ben buried
his face in the pillow and said, “Because I was drunk and my friends are
dicks.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin laughed again, but he sounded like he was at
least trying to stop himself. “You really need a pair of assless leather pants
for that one.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Never would I ever.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin leaned over him and pressed a kiss just behind
Ben’s ear. “Not even for me?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">For
you? Probably.</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"> “No, not even for you.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He didn’t say anything else, but Gavin did laugh
again as he pulled back. He traced one finger up Ben’s spine and then trailed
it over his lower back. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“That one’s—”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Shh, lemme see if I can guess.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben settled again and let Gavin work his way over
each bit of ink. His back was one solid design, a landscape of his life, or the
parts that really mattered at least. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">When Gavin swept the palm of his hand over the ocean
tide, Ben closed his eyes and pictured it. It felt good, having Gavin touch him
like this, as if he were memorizing every detail. But there was something
vulnerable about it too. Most people—guys at the gym, even lovers—who’d seen
him naked just looked, sometimes curious, sometimes admiringly, but it never
felt like there was anything beyond that. When Gavin sat quietly and studied
his body, touching the pictures and the muscles beneath, it felt like Gavin was
reading <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">him</i>, absorbing every painful
moment, every joy, every memory. It was unsettling, even if he didn’t want it
to end. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“That’s your dad,” Gavin said quietly, his fingertip
running over each wave on the choppy, unpredictable sea. His father had been a
fisherman, so that one was maybe an easy guess. But when Gavin ran his hand
higher, outlined the full moon above the sandy shore and said, “That’s your
mom.” Ben felt his stomach flinch. The kid knew him too well. “Always pulling
him back.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin spent a few moments on the spindly tree that
wrapped around his ribs and reached high on his shoulder, scraping the
invisible sky under the moon, but he didn’t comment. Instead he searched over
to the other side, and traced the two lonely gulls flying high above. “That’s
you and your sister.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben had to ask, “How’d you know?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Leaning close again, kissing his left shoulder where
the two birds flew together, Gavin said, “You always say your parents gave you
roots and wings.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Yeah, Gavin definitely paid attention. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">When he sat back again, he moved his hand over to
the tree, as if he’d been considering it the whole time. When Gavin circled a
small spot, Ben was sure he was tracing the outline of another small bird, frail
and huddled on the longest branch. “Your baby brother?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben only nodded against the pillow. Talking about
Hunter was never an easy topic for him, but Gavin knew that already. Fucking
car crashes. Fucking drunk drivers. Hunter had been three, Ben five. His mother
was pregnant with Anna, close to term and ready to burst. Their father had
taken the month off to be home when the baby was born. He’d dropped Ben off at
school that morning, taken Hunter with him so their mother could get some rest.
If Ben hadn’t dragged his feet that morning, or if he’d managed to talk his
parents into letting him stay home from school, if they hadn’t gotten caught at
the red light, or if they’d managed to get through the railroad tracks before
the signal started and the train crossed, if they’d been on time that morning,
maybe Hunter would still be alive. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">As it turned out, that morning—like just about
everything else in life—was about chance and timing. Ben was late for school,
rushing to hop out of the car when his father dropped him off. Hunter was
sitting in the front seat with a lap belt fastened around him, loose,
pointless, but not uncommon for the time. Nowadays, a father driving around
with a little kid like that would be a criminal, but then? He was just a dad
out with his son.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Instead of turning right toward home, they’d taken a
left turn, probably headed for the park. A car ran the light and T-boned them on
Hunter’s side. Ben hadn’t been there, had only heard about it in whispers and
sobs, but that didn’t stop his little boy brain from picturing it, dreaming
about it for years. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Anna was born two days later. She came into the
world bloodied and crying, shaking her little fists—or so their mother said.
She came into a world of grief and mourning, to a woman crying for too many
reasons to count. They bundled her up in a white satin blanket and she rested
quietly in their father’s arms at Hunter’s funeral. A bright spot of hope in a
sea of black. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“So the tree,” Gavin started quietly. He pulled Ben
out of his thoughts so quickly, it was like being jerked out of a dream.
“That’s, what? Heaven?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">More
or less</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">. Ben thought. “That’s family.” he said instead.
“There’s a branch for everyone that’s gone now. My grandparents, Dad, my
favorite aunts and uncles….” There was one for Jeremy too, but Ben figured
Gavin knew that without saying. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Anyone looking at Ben would never know he carried
the names on his skin, sealed in blood and ink. Everyone who ever mattered to
him had a small sacred space, in his heart and on his body.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin sat quietly for another long moment. He moved
his hands from Ben’s back and shoulders up into his hair. Gavin stroked him
like he might with a restless animal, petting Ben, maybe trying to comfort him.
“I think that’s beautiful,” he whispered finally before sliding off to Ben’s
side. The words sounded like condolences and wishes and loneliness all wrapped
up together. Ben realized then that Gavin had very few names he’d carry with
him. His family wasn’t really <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">family</i>.
They were distant at best, hateful more often than not. Gavin had to make his
own family, and lying there next to him, it dawned on Ben that Gavin had chosen
him for that roster with very few others. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The idea choked him up, but rather than say
anything, he turned onto his side again and pulled Gavin as close as he could,
wrapped himself around Gavin and tugged the blankets higher. He kissed Gavin’s
temple, held him tight and hoped Gavin could settle down enough to get some
sleep. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“You can turn the light off now, if you want.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Right. Ben wanted to stay exactly where he was, but
he thought Gavin wouldn’t have mentioned it if he hadn’t wanted it dark and
quiet, so he shifted a little, turned off the lamp<span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Julia" datetime="2014-10-09T06:26">,</ins></span> and made himself
comfortable again. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin wiggled against him, reminding Ben of a cat
trying to find the right spot on its favorite chair. When he was done, Gavin
had somehow burrowed nearly under Ben’s side, Ben’s arm and leg wrapped around,
Gavin tucked comfortably against him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Ben lived alone, but he thought if anyone were to walk in, they wouldn’t
even see Gavin there, hidden away from the world, Ben his shelter. He liked
that idea way too much. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">After a long, silent few moments, when Ben thought
Gavin had actually fallen asleep, Gavin asked, “Hey, Ben?” Ben didn’t respond
beyond tightening his arms around Given and kissing the top of his head. Gavin
must have taken it for an invitation to go on. “Earlier, when… uh, when you
said…. I mean, was that like, thanks for the orgasm, or…?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben didn’t have to ask what he was talking about.
“It was or. But, thanks for the orgasm.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He could feel Gavin’s little rush of breath against
his skin and—Ben was almost sure—Gavin’s lips turning up in a smile. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I love you too.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Maybe Gavin fell asleep after that. It took Ben a
lot longer, though. He lay awake for another hour or so thinking how
complicated his life just got. He felt like a fool for being happy about it,
but his father had told him once that love thrived in complication, in the
messiest parts of the soul. The best parts. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin had the day off, but Ben didn’t. They’d both
slept late, Gavin only stirring when Ben got up to take a shower. He thought
about joining Ben, but changed his mind and decided to make some breakfast for
them both. Lunch? The clock said it was well after noon. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Brunch</i>, he decided as he made his way to the kitchen, feeling aches
and twinges with every step. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Poking around the cupboards and refrigerator was an
eye opening experience for Gavin. Canned soup, frozen dinners, every kind of
condiment known to man, and half a dozen eggs were the only things Ben had on
hand. The recycle bin was full of takeout boxes, so it was obvious Ben did eat,
but Jesus. The man seriously needed to step up his game in the cooking
department. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Upon further inspection, he found some cheese in the
back of the refrigerator and two apples that looked lonely and forgotten in the
vegetable crisper. Gavin rolled his eyes and got to work, scraping the mold off
the cheese and whipping the eggs. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">By the time Ben shuffled into the kitchen, Gavin had
plated the omelets and was about to pull the baked apples from the oven. Ben
didn’t say anything, but Gavin could feel him standing there, watching. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“What kind of man has six different kinds of gourmet
coffee, but lives off canned soup?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben laughed and stepped up behind him as Gavin set
the baking dish on the stovetop and closed the oven door. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“The kind who eats out every night.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">When Ben slipped his arms around Gavin’s waist,
Gavin turned to face him. “You could probably go to Europe on what you spend
eating out every day for a year.” He smiled as he lifted up on his toes and
brushed a light kiss over Ben’s lips. “I’m just sayin’.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“I’ll keep that in mind.” Ben kissed him again
before he pulled back. “Smells good in here.” He stepped to the counter and
picked up a bit of cheese from a paper towel. Gavin didn’t think anything of it
at first, still focused on the task at hand. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">When he caught Ben munching on the cheese, Gavin
suddenly remembered why that was a bad idea. “That’s the cheese mold.” He
couldn’t help laughing as Ben made a face and spit it out into the sink. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“The garbage disposal works, ya know.” Ben dumped
the rest of the shaved cheese into the sink and turned the water on before he
flipped the switch. When he was finished, Gavin was still laughing. “I’m not as
hungry as I was a minute ago.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“It’s not my fault half the stuff in here is old
enough to kill you.” Gavin set the food on the small table by the sliding glass
door that led out to Ben’s deck. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben let the comment go with a laugh as he got
himself a cup of coffee. He added two spoons of sugar to it, but no cream.
Gavin watched and made a mental note on how Ben took his coffee, wondering if
he didn’t bother with cream because he didn’t like it or because there wasn’t
so much as a drop in the fridge. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Where’d you learn to cook?” Ben asked. The two of
them sat down at the table across from each other. It felt very domestic and
very right to Gavin, even though the thought embarrassed him. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben knew he should focus on eating his breakfast and
getting out the door for work. All he wanted to do was look at Gavin, though.
He’d been disappointed when he’d gotten out of the shower and found his bed
empty, but it was probably for the best. He didn’t think he could’ve resisted
climbing back in if Gavin had been there, and he was going to be late already. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“We all took turns cooking and cleaning at home. I
picked up a few things, watched cooking shows and stuff.” Gavin shrugged and
looked almost sad, but not quite. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben knew the stories of Gavin’s home life. Gavin’s
mother had always treated him distantly. She treated all seven of her kids
distantly. Being a mother was one of her burdens, a cross to bear, a duty to
God. His father wasn’t much different. He reared Gavin and his brothers and
sisters with a Bible in one hand and belt in the other. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Not that religion was what made shitty parents.
Ben’s own mother was pretty devout too. She had taught them their prayers when
they were little, dressed them up nice and took them to church. When Ben’s
brother died, she had prayed then too. She lit a candle for him every Sunday,
even decades later. But she believed in the power of love. His father summed it
up with a simple “don’t be an asshole” but his mother believed that every
problem in life, every confrontation, every worry, could be healed with love
because God was love. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He wished Gavin had been so lucky. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Well, if you advertised the mad kitchen skills, I
bet you could find a permanent roommate and stop couch surfing.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin beamed at him for the compliment, but then he
glanced down at his plate. “It’s better to just hop around. Don’t wear out any
welcomes that way.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben took a bite of his breakfast and considered that
for a moment. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he understood. “Gav, you’ll never
wear out any welcomes. Your friends <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">want</i>
you around because they love you.” He could see Gavin’s cheeks turning pink,
even though he had his face tilted down, his blond hair falling over his forehead
and hiding his eyes. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">“Better safe than sorry,” Gavin said quietly, not
quite a whisper, but close enough. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben couldn’t think of a response to that. He
disagreed, but he’d learned from previous experiences it was better not to
argue with Gavin when he could avoid it. The kid had his own way of doing
things, and damn it all, he was one stubborn little shit. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">They ate quietly, only chatting here and there.
Gavin seemed thoughtful and Ben didn’t want to intrude. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">As he stood at the door, Ben pulled on his jacket
and said, “C’mere.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin stepped closer, a teasing look in his eye.
“Here?” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">With a laugh, Ben reached out and jerked him
forward. “No, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">here</i>.” He kissed Gavin
deep and hard as Gavin wrapped his arms around Ben’s shoulders. “You be here
when I get home tonight, okay?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin didn’t say anything, but smiled and nodded his
head before shoving Ben toward the door. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben laughed as he left, still grinning as he hopped
on his bike. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">****</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">As soon as Gavin was alone, he went over to the sofa
and snatched up his present from the coffee table. He’d been good and hadn’t
opened it until Ben was gone. Now, though, he tore off the paper like a little
kid, only saving the starry ribbons. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Inside the little box, Gavin found a note and a
silver unicorn charm that made him laugh aloud. When he pulled it out, he
realized it was a key ring with one key on it. He unfolded the note, written in
Ben’s shitty handwriting. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gav,
</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I
know my place is too small to really invite you to room with me, but hell. I
can’t stand thinking of you out there on your own and maybe not knowing where
you’re gonna sleep from one night to the next. So, anyway, until you get your
own place, just…think of my apartment as your home too, okay? No strings
attached. You and the couch are old friends and, well, I just want you to know
you’ve got an open invitation from now on. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Happy
Birthday. Maybe I’ll buy you a real present on payday. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Love,
</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Ben</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Gavin stared at the key for a long moment. Ben had
given it to him last night, before they slept together. For some reason that
made it feel more special. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Though, Gavin hoped he wouldn’t be staying on the
couch anymore. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He grinned so broadly it made his cheeks ache. The
invitation wasn’t exactly <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">will you marry
me</i> or even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">will you move in with me</i>,
but it was close enough for now. There was only one place in the world Gavin
really wanted to be. Ben probably didn’t even realize it yet, but he’d given
Gavin every secret wish he’d ever made. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He’d even given him the stars. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">That wasn’t the best part, but it was close. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-35267522564656693152014-11-21T05:36:00.000-08:002014-11-25T04:42:16.877-08:00How about a giveaway? Okay, I'm super excited about <i>A Simple Romance</i> <a href="http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=5813" target="_blank">being released on audio</a>! I realized the other day that I've never actually done a giveaway on my blog, so, maybe it's time to fix that?<br />
<br />
Since Thanksgiving is less than a week away here in the U.S., all you have to do is leave a comment telling me what you're thankful for this year and I'll put your name in the hat for the audio edition of <i>A Simple Romance</i>. I'll pick two winners on December 5th. :D<br />
<br />
And, be on the lookout next weekend for a little something from Ben and Gavin!<br />
<br />
<br />
Edit: In case you don't want to leave your email on the public blog, you can also PM me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100005517437702&fref=ts" target="_blank">Facebook</a> or <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6474818.J_H_Knight" target="_blank">Goodreads</a>! J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-27036566993676692952014-11-14T05:50:00.000-08:002014-11-14T05:50:05.311-08:00Sex Positivity Blog Hop<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieUKSAJjCwn3C6HEqwxD9hCTv6M8sxYgAFXdLwnoAzI2vmW1ZbyHcJCsx0xFfdkjBWvbz3ZZcb-FVLFu1IceVKE9uwWIn9WgdFnzUgifnaeNGVtHUARON-68YpUIz0mpjgyznvxK1kCn8/s1600/spbhbanner+(3).png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieUKSAJjCwn3C6HEqwxD9hCTv6M8sxYgAFXdLwnoAzI2vmW1ZbyHcJCsx0xFfdkjBWvbz3ZZcb-FVLFu1IceVKE9uwWIn9WgdFnzUgifnaeNGVtHUARON-68YpUIz0mpjgyznvxK1kCn8/s1600/spbhbanner+(3).png" height="74" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
When <a href="http://www.grace-duncan.com/sex-positivity-blog-hop/" target="_blank">Grace R. Duncan</a> came up with this idea, the response was probably overwhelming. What a great idea. Dedicating an an entire blog hop to sex-positive ideas? Sign me up!<br />
<br />
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I’ll be honest here: I like sex. No, I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">love</i> sex. I love reading sex, watching sex, having sex, and I love
talking about it. Sex is right up there in my top five favorite things in life.
Next to coffee, rainy days, books, and family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’d think that would make picking a topic easy, but not for me. Too
many choices! It’s all good! Porn? Love it! Erotica? Yes, please! Masturbation?
That’s the closest I get to playing sports. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the end, I finally landed on a topic that’s near and dear
to my heart: being a sex positive parent. It’s a hard one (sorry) to tackle,
because like most parents, the idea of my kids actually having sex one day
genuinely squicks me out. I’ve had conversations with my kids that have made me
want to bleach my brain. But they’d never know that. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I think the first pivotal moment of how I would handle their
sexuality came when (I’ve promised my kids I wouldn’t use their real names on
my public blogs and such, so we’re going to go with the Borg naming system
here) my oldest daughter, One of Four, was maybe three years old. I walked down
the hall to check on the kiddos and found her in her room, on her bed, stark
naked and drawing all over herself. Now, drawing on herself was nothing new.
She did that all the time. This time, however, there was a rainbow line of ink
from one leg, all the way up and then down the other leg. With lots of extra
doodles around her bits. Hrm. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I wanted to tell her no, don’t do that, get in the bath. I
cringed and clenched my jaw, felt the embarrassment and general ickieness of seeing
her doing that… and then, in the flash of a second, a memory sprang to mind.
I’m a little girl, around 5 years old. I’ve just gotten out of the bath and I’m
sitting on the floor checking out my body. It’s not a sexual thing, it’s
curiosity. There are places I can’t see unless I bend a certain way and, hey,
what the heck is going on down there? I do a gymnastic-gold-worthy spread and
shift around until I can get a good, upside down look. This is the exact moment
my mother walks in and—horrified—yells, “Stop that! That’s nasty!” Seriously?
There are parts of my own body that are nasty? I had no idea. Enter the shame.
Shame that clings for years.</div>
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<br /></div>
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My daughter noticed me standing there and looked up. Her
eyes were wide, like she knew she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t
do. My God, had I already instilled a sense of shame in her about her body? I
hoped not. I told her, “Even though those pens are non-toxic and kid-safe, the
ink might not be okay for your skin down there. Please take a quick bath to
wash it off. And, remember, you need privacy when you touch yourself or look at
yourself down there, so please close the door next time.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A look of relief flitted across her face, then she shrugged
and said, “Okay, Mommy.” and got in the bath. That was it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is the same kid, who, not even a year later,<span class="msoIns"><ins cite="mailto:Julia" datetime="2014-11-14T04:43"></ins></span>
asked me how babies are made. I told her in the kid-friendliest terms I could
think of because I had always said if they were old enough to ask a question,
they were old enough to get an honest answer. I told her about boys having
sperm and girls having eggs. I told her the sperm fertilizes the eggs and the
woman gets pregnant. God, she is a smart little thing and she saw the huge, gaping
hole in my story. “How does the sperm get to the egg?” Oh, God. I told her in
the vaguest terms possible. “But… how does the sperm get out of the boy?” COME
ON. When we closed that conversation, I ended with, “Just remember, that’s
something for grownup people, not little kids.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her question: “Not even for practice?” >__<</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway. My oldest daughter was the one who, early on, instilled
the… <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">necessity</i> for sex-positivity in
me. I didn’t want her thinking it was dirty or bad or wrong. I wanted her to
know that there are some things that are appropriate for kids (exploring your
body safely, being curious, asking questions) and the rest is okay when you’re
older. Much older, please. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Over the years, sex-positivity has been my fallback, my
go-to when dealing with these kids. I was grateful for that attitude when I
found my (at the time) 13 year old son sexting (in a tween sort of way) with a
girl who wasn’t his girlfriend. And when my 16 year old daughter (yes, the same
one who asked me about practicing making babies) asked me questions about
masturbation and told me some stuff that made me wish for the MIB memory eraser
thing. I was even more grateful for it when my youngest—only 11 at the
time—told me she’s a lesbian. My answer? “I’m so glad you told me.” I hugged
her tight, kissed the top of her head, and that was it. Her sexuality was a
non-issue. She could’ve told me she’s a boy and wants to look into surgery
options for when she’s older, or pretty much anything else and my response
would’ve been the same. My kids know that about me.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When puberty started to rear its ugly head around our house,
I had a talk with the kiddos. They’re all pretty close in age, so I gathered
them around me and told them that it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. They
could ask me anything, tell me anything, and I would listen, answer questions,
and help them find information if I didn’t already know. I told them that they
couldn’t shock me. That was a lie, but I wanted it to be true. I told them that
if I hadn’t done it, seen it, or heard of it, I probably knew someone who has
or who could put me in touch with someone who has. Then I showed them all how
to put a condom on a cucumber. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The amazing thing about having that kind of attitude is…
they <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">talk</i> to me. They tell me things.
They <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">listen</i> to me. And, honestly,
they teach me things. My oldest daughter schooled me about asexuality. I had a
hell of a time wrapping my head around it—I love sex, remember? But she told me
that she had expected better of me when I said, “That’s not even a real thing.”
Shame on me! And good for her for calling me out on it and then educating me.
That moment in time showed my daughter that I still have things to learn and it
showed me that I still have attitudes that need to be adjusted sometimes, which
I hadn’t realized until then. The whole conversation is precious to me because
I got to see firsthand the kind of person my daughter is. She is bright, she is
open-minded, and she is not afraid to tell people what’s what. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I got the same experience just a few nights ago when my
mother was watching something on TV and someone said something about “all the
genders” and my mother reacted the way most baby-boomers probably do. “There
are two! What does he mean, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">all</i> the
genders?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My youngest daughter—now 12—said, “Um, excuse you? There are
two <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">sexes</i>, there are <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">many</i> genders.” I don’t think my kids
would have the courage or even the knowledge to stand up and teach us these
things if they hadn’t been given the tools and the freedom from an early age. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two of my kids are now older than I was when I started
having sex. That’s enough to add a few gray hairs to my head, but it’s reality.
Kids have sex. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For a parent, it sucks. Sex is one more thing to worry
about. When they were little, I worried about them falling and cracking their
head open, eating dish soap, getting sick. I worried about predators and
bullies (That fear never goes away, btw. They’ll be in their 40s and I’ll still
make myself ill worrying about other people doing them harm.) and I worry about
whether or not I’ve completely fucked them up. But worrying about them having
sex? That’s a tough one. I don’t want to think about it. But… I want them to
have full and happy lives. I want them to find partners who will treat them
with respect, love them, support them. I want them to—above all—be safe. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And safety, when it comes to sex, means condoms. It means
honesty. It means knowing yourself and letting your partner(s) know you. How do
you teach a kid that? My best guess, my only answer, is to raise them to be
comfortable in their own skin. To not take shit from anyone. To be honest with
themselves and others. To communicate. To laugh. To have fun. And to always
remember the golden rule: Don’t be an asshole. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s what I hope they take away from all those awkward conversations
and all those squicky moments of terror. I hope they remember that they have
the right to express themselves in whatever way they see fit. I hope they
remember to let others do the same. I hope they remember that it’s okay to have
their own boundaries and that it’s okay to firmly say <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">no</i>. But, that it’s okay to say yes, too. If that’s what they want.
If it’s within the legal limits. If it’s within their comfort zone. I hope they
remember that their rights—sexual and otherwise—begin and end with themselves.
I think they get that. I think they understand, feel it deep in their bones. I
think they own who they are and what they want. And I hope they surround
themselves with people who do the same. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bottom line: I believe having a sex-positive attitude when
raising your kids spills over into every aspect of their lives. Why? I think
being sex-positive means—in part, at least—allowing yourself to be who you are
and allowing others to be who they are. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meet the younglings: </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of Four; 16 years old: My oldest daughter is questioning
her sexuality. She’s learning who she is and what she wants. She’s changing her
mind every day. I’m letting her do what she needs to do. She’ll figure it out
one of these days, and there’s no rush. She is an artist and a writer and she
is a force of good in this world. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two of Four; 15 years old: My oldest son is a gamer. He’s
also a feminist. He is often the only person speaking up against a very loud
crowd of online—and sometimes IRL—assholes who are spewing hate toward women or
the LGBT community. I’ve seen him in action and it is brilliant, beautiful.
He’s already a better man than a lot of adult guys. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Three of Four; 13 years old: My youngest son is autistic.
Sexuality hasn’t come into his world yet. The most I’ve had to deal with is
“It’s okay to touch yourself, but you need to go to your room.” I’ll deal with
the rest as it comes up, just like I’ve done with the others. His journey will
be unique and I’ll probably have to learn even more than I have already. And
that’s okay. I wouldn’t trade him for the world. He is our gift, our golden
boy. My other kids are already fighting over who “gets him” when I die. We have
a strange family. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Four of Four; 12 years old: My youngest daughter is a proud,
happy lesbian who has (thankfully) been loved and respected by everyone she’s
come out to so far. From her best friend’s Muslim family, to her Christian
teacher, to her own diverse family, she has been welcomed just as she is. Like
her sister, she is an artist, she is a firebrand, and she is the first person
who will say “You are beautiful” to literally anyone because she thinks we all
need to hear it more often. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, in closing, be yourself, allow others to be themselves,
and—because Four of Four is right—remember that you are beautiful.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope you all have a great weekend and be sure to check out the other stops on the blog hop!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-72521678462669979322014-10-31T06:35:00.000-07:002014-10-31T06:35:36.441-07:00Happy Halloween! <div style="text-align: justify;">
So, uh, Ben and Gavin still aren't ready. Round one of beta is done, at least! But, I don't know. I think it needs another scene. It will be posted eventually, though. I swear. Before the end of the year. Really. Maybe even before the end of November if I'm a very good girl. </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Before I forget, my awesome friend <a href="http://nicojaye.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Nico Jaye </a>released a historical short M/M romance this week. I just bought my copy this morning so I haven't finished it yet, but I had a chance to see a bit of it when it was still a WIP. Nico is a cruel tease. I loved what I've read so far and I adore historicals, so, yeah, check it out! It's available on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Time-Loving-Nico-Jaye-ebook/dp/B00O49GPIO/" target="_blank">Amazon</a> and pretty much everywhere else. :D</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br />Anyway. Here's a little flashfic for Tommy and Bobby. I've only read it over once and didn't give it to any beta readers, so ignore any typos or, ya know, anything else that stands out as especially wrong. >_> <br /> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
****<br /><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">“Tell me again why this is so goddamn important to
you.” Tommy tugged at his collar. He knew he was scowling, but he figured Bobby
was lucky he hadn’t throttled him yet so the guy could put up with a few
irritated looks. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Bobby was clearly trying to cover a smirk as he
said, “Tell me again why you hate Halloween so much.”</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">With a shake to his head that made his wings flap
behind him, Tommy told him, “First off, spending money on a costume is stupid.
Especially for the twins, who are gonna outgrow ‘em before they can even wear
the damn things again. Second off, the kids are gonna be jacked up on sugar for
a week. Third off…” He didn’t bother with a verbal response. Instead Tommy made
a wide gesture with his hands, up and down his body so Bobby could take in the
full effect of his outfit for the night. A black leotard, for starters, topped off with a set of giant purple butterfly wings. And, most importantly, glitter from head to toe. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Thankfully, all the other kids were off at school
dances and Halloween parties, so only the twins could see him in his
humiliation.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Zoe looked up at him from the stroller and grinned.
She was dressed up like a flower and Max was a bumblebee. Tommy hated to admit
it, but they were pretty damn cute like that. Max was busy pulling at the
antennae bobbing on the top of his head and didn’t so much as glance at Tommy. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Leaning close to Bobby, Tommy hissed, “And, I find
it pretty fucking hard to believe that you were gonna wear this getup. I find
it harder to believe that you promised Zoe. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">And</i>,
harder still to believe that you got called in suddenly. I call bullshit on the
whole thing.” </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Some strange mix of amusement and guilt mingled on
Bobby’s face. Tommy had nailed it and they both knew it. “Let’s just say
Colleen owes me fifty bucks now.” </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">“Unbelievable!” Tommy groaned and tossed his head
back. “Fifty bucks? <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">This</i> was only
worth fifty bucks to you?” </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Bobby laughed and wrapped an arm around Tommy’s
shoulder. “She’s saving up for a car. Besides, just knowing I could get you to
do it was reward enough for me.” </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">“If you wanna keep your hand, you better get it off
me, Copper.” </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Zoe looked up at them again just as Bobby let out a
bark of laughter. Kids in all kinds of costumes raced past them and the twins
were eager to get moving. “Let’s go!” Zoe said in her little two-year-old
munchkin voice. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">“We’re goin’, keep your petals on.” </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">She giggled for him and kicked her feet. Max finally
managed to tug the antennae off his head. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Tommy leaned in again and whispered to Bobby, “When
you get home, your ass is mine.” </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">“My ass is always yours, and you know it.” Bobby
grinned at him as he shifted closer for a quick kiss. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">They were standing at the end of Judy’s driveway,
out in the open for all the neighbors to see, but Tommy was past caring about
that kind of shit. If they didn’t like it, they shouldn’t look. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">“Yeah, well, don’t you forget it.” With one more
quick kiss, Tommy added, “Be safe tonight.” </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">As Bobby pulled back he said, “I want a picture of
you three.” </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">“Over my dead body.” </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">Bobby laughed again and turned up the driveway. He
only had a half hour to get ready for his shift. The bastard. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">“Trick-or-treat, Tommy!” Max said, waving his
antennae at him. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">“Trick-or-treat, kiddo.” Tommy unlatched the break
and started to move the stroller down the street. “The things I do for you
people.” </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%;">His wings flapped with every step. </span></span></div>
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<br />J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-55404499055443206112014-09-13T05:30:00.000-07:002014-09-13T05:38:05.100-07:00Fabulous 5 Blog HopOkay, I know I'm well past my own deadline on Ben and Gavin's first time, but that doesn't surprise anyone who knows me! Since I'm so late for *that* post, maybe I should get off my butt and post my answers to the Fabulous 5 Blog Hop!<br />
<br />
I was tagged by the amazing <a href="http://pipervaughn.com/blog.php" target="_blank">Piper Vaughn</a>.<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>What am I working on?</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ha! That kind of depends on the day? I have several (too
many?) projects going, so, have a list! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ben and Gavin’s (untitled) first time is almost ready for beta. What was supposed to be a little 2K erotic scene to get me
writing again turned into a short story because letting those two talk to me was
A Bad Idea. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Irrevocable</i> (working title) is Monty’s story. A lot of
readers loved to hate him and, well, I wanted to slap him too, but he’s not
such a bad guy once you get to know him. Skip liked him well enough to throw
away several years on him. And, I really like watching his new love (yes, love!)
interest rake his ass over the coals on a regular basis. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Breakthrough</i> is a short story about an older man who finds love in an unexpected place. I’ve been polishing that one for a while now and
it’s nearly ready for a second round of beta. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Between Now and Never</i> is a novella dealing with life in the closet, suicide, and second chances. The angst in that one pretty much guts me, so it’s slow going for now. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve got a few others on the backburner, but those are the
ones I’m <i>hoping</i> to finish by the end of this year. Which means I'll be lucky to get them finished before the end of 2015. >_<</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>How does my work differ from others in its genre?</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is kind of a cheat answer, because it applies to
all the authors I’ve read in the M/M Romance genre, but I think (hope?) my
characters feel real and unique to readers and my dialogue seems natural. I
think we all take parts of our real life, or people we know or have met, and
weave bits and pieces of them into our stories, so each story and each
character is as different as the author writing them. It’s really one of the
most beautiful things about writing, or any art form for that matter. Give ten
authors the same prompt and you’re going to get back ten very different
stories. Shifters, BDSM, fluffy romance, full on erotica, mystery, time travel…
and every character would be different. That’s amazing, isn’t it? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Why do I write what I do?</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My first thought is simply “because I love it” but I love
high fantasy novels and mysteries too. I couldn’t write one worth reading. I guess I write what I do because those are
the characters who speak to me. They pop into my head and tell me their
stories and I write them down. I’ve written a couple of (unpublished) het
stories too, but M/M Romance is simply where my heart is. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>How does my writing process work?</b> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lol, when it’s working, it usually goes something like this:
I hear a song or see someone on the street corner or have a dream and I start
to see their story play in my head like a movie. I write down the scene, then
the characters start talking. I pound out 10K or so and then read it back and maybe don’t hate
it. Then I keep writing a few more days, get to the halfway point, start making
notes on what I’ve written and maybe a few points of what I think is going to
happen—because my first synopsis to a Dreamspinner nearly killed me. Seriously,
I had A Simple Romance FINISHED for over a year before I sent it in because of
the synopsis—then I usually take a break from it for a while. I come back to
it, look at my notes and read what I already have, then I write some more. I
almost never have a plan and pretty much everything you read is spontaneously
written in fits and starts. When I finish, I’ll send it off to beta, then pick
at it for a while. This is why it takes me roughly two years from spark of idea
to sending it in with a query. I’m trying to get better and really focus on one
project at a time, trying to get to a point where I can maybe send in a
manuscript every 3-4 months, but, uh, that goal is probably a long way off. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The free reads I’ve done for Don’t Read in the Closet are a
little different. I get two months for those. Nothing more. Two months. Which
is why they’re usually very short. The first time I signed up for that event, I
ended up getting horribly sick and then having to do a bunch of stuff for my
best friend’s wedding. I wrote <i>Pillow Talk</i> in roughly four days. Maybe I just
really need do-or-die deadlines? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Who’s next on the blog hop? </b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://kadeboehme.com/" target="_blank">Kade Boehme</a>, <a href="http://hankedwardsbooks.com/" target="_blank">Hank Edwards</a>, and <a href="http://rjscottauthor.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">RJ Scott</a>! There were supposed to be five, but, uh, those three are fabulous enough to make up for the other two. >_></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also, I was going to tag the wonderful Nico Jaye, but Piper got to her first. You can check out her answers <a href="http://nicojaye.blogspot.com/2014/09/fabulous-five-blog-hop.html" target="_blank">here</a>. :D</div>
J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-65605247191962860812014-08-18T22:44:00.000-07:002014-08-18T22:44:32.264-07:00Context. And, perspective…<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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I could have titled this entry a lot of different things.
Why I Shouldn’t Be Allowed Online Alone or Alienating Writers, Readers, and the
WORLD in 140 Characters or LESS! Both spring to mind. But in the end, it really
is about context. And, how I handle it (or anything else) is really about
perspective. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Earlier today, while I was sitting in my car waiting for one
of my kids, I was messaging a friend on Twitter. We were talking about a lot of
things, but one of the main topics (of this conversation and maaaaany others) was
how neurotic and basically crazy I am. That ALL writers are. If we weren’t, we
wouldn’t WRITE. Who would volunteer to have a bunch of characters stomping
through their head all day and night, waking them from deep sleep or making them
pull over on the side of the road to make notes? Poking our brains at two in
the morning. “Did you put that notepad next to your bed? NO? That was foolish.
Boot up the laptop. Might as well put some coffee on, because it’s going to be
THAT night! You’re welcome! :D” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’d
have to be a little crazy to love that. And, I do. I think most writers do.
And, not just writers. I’m that kind of reader too. I stay up late, skip meals,
ignore phone calls just so I can READ. We don’t just want to enjoy the books we
read, we want to LOVE THEM. We want to be absorbed, we want to laugh and cry
and feel all the joy and wonder that comes from walking in some character’s
shoes for a while. Readers are just like writers in that respect. We are wonderful,
gloriously crazy creatures. We are obsessive. We are dedicated. And we are
eccentric. We love what we love, we hate what hate—or, better! We sometimes
love what we hate, too—and we love to tell the world about it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SO, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anyway</i>… When
my friend, a fellow author, was worried that she was coming off as crazy and
obsessed with someone in the publishing world she was working with, I told her
that her questions/concerns weren’t too crazy and that she should see some of
the authors on the message boards because they’re… eccentric. Now, I’m
paraphrasing because I have NO IDEA the exact wording. Why? Because I realized
SECONDS later that I didn’t send that as a PM, noooooo. NO. That was public!
Because I’m just that awesome. Now, if our entire conversation had been public—with
or without my realizing it—I wouldn’t have worried a BIT. Everything we talked
about was true, a little self-deprecating, a little funny to anyone who’s been
there, and—here’s the important part—<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">in context</i>,
it was all positive. She was stressed and I made a flippant joke to make her
feel better. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Once I realized what I’d done, with my heart pounding so
hard it vibrated my seat, I managed to delete the tweet. Despite my shaking
hands and the bile rising in my throat. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Context is a big deal. HUGE. It’s a make-or-break thing. 140
characters might not seem like much, but with a little context—or lack thereof,
in this case—they can be pretty damning. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But that leads me to perspective. As I was sitting in my
car, wishing I had an emergency Xanax rolling around, I was talking to a
different friend. She listened and gave all the appropriate “oh nooooo”
responses. Then I clicked on a link about something in the news. (Aside: Just
me or is the world particularly shitty lately?) Then perspective sank in. I’d messed
up—publically, no less—in a pretty bad way, one that could come off as a little
dickish. But… I’m not being shot at. I’m not being bombed. I’m not in danger
because of my orientation or the color of my skin. My children are fed and
healthy and safe. They’re not dead in a street, or a desert, or the trunk of
someone’s car. When I look at my life, everything I have to be thankful for,
everything I wish I could change about the world, all the hurt and pain... I’ve
got it pretty good. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I may be the online version of a klutz who stumbles headlong
into a wall while simultaneously flipping a bowl of boiling soup into someone’s
crotch, but I’m doing pretty good otherwise. Sorry if you got splashed with my
soup fumble, though.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
…I guess that’s not the best example. Hot soup to the crotch
doesn’t really improve with context. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ahem. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, I will forge ahead and stop sweating over every typo or,
ya know, public-instead-of-private message, and keep trying to get it right
with social media. God help me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
NOW, to keep this blog from becoming the place where I list
my sins and mortifying moments, here’s a (very!) little teaser for something I’ve
been picking at. I hope to finish it and post it this month. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also hope you’ll be distracted enough by it
not to realize what a blundering ass I am. Or at the very least, forgive me for
being a blundering ass. >_<</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The
club was jumping, hot and loud—just the way Gavin liked it. He’d been dancing
with one of his friends all night, hoping that Ben would take his invitation
and meet him there. It was his eighteenth birthday after all, and Ben had been
keeping him at arms-length for an entire year. Ever since they met. But
tonight? Gavin was finally legal and he knew how he wanted to celebrate. </span></i>J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-40263423344773061672014-08-08T07:14:00.000-07:002014-08-08T07:14:08.193-07:00And bad mistakes, I've made a few...My laptop! He is all better! Pro tip: Never leave your earbuds on your keyboard. Just sayin’.<br />
<br />
Now for why I decided to update today. I hope you'll forgive me, because I can already tell this is going to be longwinded and probably boring. And will have little to do with writing or my characters because, well, I have no excuse. Sorry!<br />
<br />
So, the camping trip was pretty much awesome. It started out VERY rocky, with a three-hour late start and then a search for a campsite because our favorites were either full or closed, but in the end, we found one! Of course, it took us over five hours in the car to find a beautiful campsite only an hour and a half from where we live, but, uh, there were <i>Firefly</i> quotes and good music, so that’s not so bad, right?<br />
<br />
When it was all said and done, we had an amazing time. My kids cracked me up, my sister and I got to chat and just hang out, which is rare for us since we’re almost always running in the opposite direction. Most importantly, I got to really <i>connect</i> with my kids. We talked about everything and nothing. We laughed, we teased each other, we ate junk food, and we did it all without wondering what was going on away from our little campfire.<br />
<br />
The older they get, the more important those kinds of days become. When they were little, it was easy to hold their attention and easy to get them to talk to me. Now, though, I have to compete with their friends, their dramas, their TV shows, their online life, their… worlds. And I know that’s how it’s supposed to be, but, damn it, I still want in there somewhere. Thankfully, when I try to collect them to me and hold on for a few days, they let me.<br />
<br />
My oldest daughter opened up to me about some online stuff she’s been dealing with. Nothing too bad and nothing directed at her, but it’s coming to a boiling point for her and her friends. We had a long talk about it and I gave her my advice on the topic. I basically told her to stay as far away from drama—online or off—as possible. I chose to share with her one of my worst moments, one that I’m not proud of and one that still makes me burn with regret and shame when I think about it. It was an online altercation, one that I started, one that degraded quickly into bullying and people—good people, friends of mine and friends of the other person’s—saying some truly awful things. Online. Where it sits forever. Where it can’t be taken back.<br />
<br />
I won’t go into it all here because, like I said, I’m still ashamed by own behavior, but I did tell her the whole story, a good bit of it through tears. I explained to her that when you hurt someone, even years later, the regret doesn’t go away. And, when it’s a stranger online, it’s almost worse than someone you know in real life because you sometimes can’t go back and apologize. I’ve thought about it, thought about looking the person up and trying to figure out how to get ahold of them now, but… Well, honestly, at this point I’d be afraid of opening up a painful memory for someone that they’d probably (hopefully) moved on from, all so I could what? Assuage my own guilt? My daughter and I are similar creatures. I know her quick, hot temper because it’s mine. I also know her kind heart and her goodness and her gentle soul, and I know that if she makes the same mistake I made, it will bother her for years to come. Just like me. For better or worse.<br />
<br />
I don’t know how that’s going to play out for her. I could’ve shared plenty of stories about how I was hurt by something someone said, times when I got the verbal thrashing that left me bawling. Maybe I should have. But I hope sharing my really awful experience—where I was the one on the very WRONG side—maybe it will mean more to her and maybe it will stick in her memory the next time she feels like saying something really ugly to someone else, something that may wound them deeply.<br />
<br />
That was one of the most important conversations I’ve had with one of my kids in a long time. I sometimes feel like we share a lot of the awful things that have happened to us (not that I’m knocking that—I think that’s really important too) but we—or at least I—rarely talk about the seriously big mistakes I’ve made. It’s uncomfortable to tell anyone that I’ve done stuff I’m ashamed to admit. Hell, if I were comfortable talking about it, uh, I wouldn’t really be ashamed, right? But maybe it’s important to get that stuff out too. Maybe it’s important to own that you screwed up, own that you did something you wish you hadn’t, something that gnaws at you for years. In the end, we’re all flawed, we’re all… human.<br />
<br />
Maybe that’s why I’m posting about it publically? Maybe I’m hoping that it will help someone. If you were the one who was picked on or made to feel bad by someone, you’ll know that maybe that person still feels bad about it. If you were the one who made the really bad choice and said the really hurtful things, well, you’re not alone. I’ve been on both sides of it and both sides suck and the only way to make it better is to just avoid it in the future. Were you a total asshole to someone? Apologize if you can, but if not, hey, try not to do that again. Did someone treat you like shit for really NO good reason? I’m really sorry that happened to you. I’ve done that to a couple people and I still feel bad for it.<br />
<br />
Then, of course, there’s that third group of people who maybe just *are* assholes in general. The rest of us will be over here, eyeing them warily. >_><br />
<br />
Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble at you. I hope everyone out there is having a good day and that you're surrounded by people who make your day better. J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-32829899538435903472014-07-28T14:35:00.000-07:002014-07-28T14:39:41.461-07:00Quick Post!Real life is still keeping me on the run, but I thought I should actually make a "release day, yay!" post, so, uh, here it is....<br />
<br />
<i>The Last Thing He Needs</i> went live today on <a href="http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=5263" target="_blank">DSP</a>, <a href="https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-thelastthingheneeds-1557799-149.html" target="_blank">AllRomance</a>, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Last-Thing-He-Needs-ebook/dp/B00M6Y2B5K/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406582865&sr=8-1&keywords=the+last+thing+he+needs+j.h.+knight" target="_blank">Amazon</a>, and <a href="http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-last-thing-he-needs-jh-knight/1120015692?ean=2940149632145" target="_blank">B&N</a>! *cheers*<br />
<br />
But! For a few more hours, <a href="http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=3627" target="_blank"><i>A Simple Romance</i></a> (along with reads by <a href="http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=4569" target="_blank">Tara Lain</a> and <a href="http://dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=4730" target="_blank">Susan MacNicol</a>) will be on sale at <a href="http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/" target="_blank">DSP</a> for under a buck, so, ya know, spread the word for almost-freebies. There are a few days left of those special sales--three a day--so keep an eye on Dreamspinner's website. :D<br />
<br />
I hope everyone out there is doing well and getting some rest this summer. We're heading to the mountains for some much needed relief from the heat!J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-78597018448024220052014-07-06T08:19:00.001-07:002014-07-06T08:19:09.721-07:00Things are hectic here, but...I've had a pretty bumpy start to summer with some family stuff and a cracked laptop screen, but I'm way over due for a post here.<br />
<br />
My upcoming release <i><a href="http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=5263" target="_blank">The Last Thing He Needs</a></i> went up for pre-order on Dreamspinner's website last week and it's also available (as a fledgling bestseller and on sale too!) at <a href="https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-thelastthingheneeds-1557799-149.html" target="_blank">All Romance</a>.<br />
<br />
If you're looking for some great FREE reads, be sure to check out the offerings from the goodreads.com M/M Romance Group's <a href="http://www.mmromancegroup.com/" target="_blank">Don't Read in the Closet </a>event. There are so many great stories on that site. If you haven't checked them out yet, do! You can find my free historical <a href="http://www.mmromancegroup.com/what-remains-of-us-by-j-h-knight/" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
And, lastly, on a personal note, for my daughter's sixteenth birthday I took her and four of her friends yurt camping! If you're not a camper or have never tried it but would like to give it a shot with something easy, I'd seriously suggest renting a yurt. It's cheaper than a cabin, more convenient than tent camping, and--at least at the park we stayed at--comes with a private bathroom. All the fun of camping (cooking over the fire, stories, playing in the fields and down by the river, watching the wildlife, etc.) with none of the hassle. Ours was even close enough to town that we had phone service *and* were able to make a quick run to the store when we ran out of hot chocolate and s'mores supplies. I highly recommend it!<br />
<br />
We also figured out how to make pizza over the campfire. The key is making a tent out of tinfoil. It was perfect. :D<br />
<br />
So, yes, rocky start to summer, but some fun stuff too. I hope you and yours are having a great July so far. I'll hopefully update again before the end of the month and, if I'm really lucky, I'll get something going on my new <a href="https://twitter.com/Knightwylde?refsrc=email" target="_blank">Twitter</a> account. I've done nothing there yet, but I'll get around to it soon! <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-24297678186251252252014-05-09T08:28:00.000-07:002014-05-09T08:28:16.913-07:00New cover!Wow, it's been too long since I updated.
I've been crazy busy for the last couple months working on my free read for the Goodreads <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/1723220-love-s-landscapes-introduction" target="_blank">Love's Landscapes</a> event. Stories will be going up this summer, so be sure to check them all out.<br />
<br />
I'm in the middle of edits for my new release through Dreamspinner Press<i></i> as well. I'll post more details about that when they're available, but for now, check out this cover!<br />
<br />
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I hope you guys have a great weekend. More to come soon!J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-75096106020878190342013-12-24T06:20:00.001-08:002013-12-24T06:26:06.686-08:00Season's Greetings! Does everyone else feel like this year has flown by? Is there anyone looking back on the last twelve months thinking it was a slow drag? I feel like it's gone by at warp speed.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I was playing around the other day and wrote a little Christmas short for Skip and Paul. And, well, mostly Johnny, but whatever. I thought I'd post it and wish everyone a happy holiday. Or, ya know, happy winter if you don't celebrate.<br />
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<a name='more'></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">It
had taken him over an hour and a half to make the usually forty-five minute
drive to the nearest mall. Between snow, ice, and holiday traffic, Skip had
felt like getting a drink rather than Christmas shopping by the time he’d
gotten there. He settled on a peppermint white-mocha instead. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">As
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and snapped a quick picture before sending the image in a text message to
Johnny. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He’d
moved on to the jewelry counter when he got a response. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">???</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I’m trying to decide what to get
Paul for Christmas. </span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He
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enough. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Tie a big red bow around your cock.
</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Skip
snorted a laugh and glanced around the crowded store as if to make sure no one
could see what the message said. He shot back another quick response. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The gift that keeps on giving?</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">While
Skip was looking through the glass case filled with watches and ID bracelets,
his phone buzzed in his hand with another text from Johnny. This time it was an
image with a link to a sex toy shop. The picture he was looking at had his
cheeks blushing hotly. It was a ballgag and a pair of red leather cuffs. There
were so many things he could say to it, but he texted a question. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Is that for me to wear, or Paul?</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Johnny’s
response had him laughing out loud and looking like an idiot in front of the
sales girl that was watching him expectantly. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">You. I bet there’s been many times
since you two moved in together that Paul has wished he could gag you</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was probably true, but Skip knew how much
Paul enjoyed the makeup sex, so he didn’t think he needed to invest in a gag. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Maybe you should get one of those.
I bet Faith would appreciate it more than Paul would.</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Skip
was still milling around the department store, seriously considering a new
power tool or home-improvement item when his phone vibrated again. Johnny
didn’t bother to defend himself against the last comment. Instead, he sent
another image and link. This one was a giant, double ended dildo that looked
more terrifying than erotic. He texted Johnny back. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">I’m starting to think you’re
sending me your wishlist…</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Johnny
didn’t say anything else for a long time. Instead, Skip got a flurry of images
with shopping links. A vibrating cockring, flavored lube, various kinds of
bondage gear, and then, finally, a picture of Skip and Paul standing together
on the front step of the house they’d bought a few months earlier. It was a
three bedroom with a fenced yard and a wooden swing on the back porch. Skip had
sent the snapshot to Johnny the day they had closed the deal. Paul’s arms were
wrapped around Skip’s waist and he was grinning into the camera.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">He
wasn’t sure if Johnny had meant to send the photo back to him, amid the spam of
sex toys, so he texted back his own series of question marks. Johnny’s answer
was plain and direct. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Do you really think *that* guy cares
what you get him for Christmas? </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Skip
tucked his phone back into his pocket. Johnny had, remarkably, made a good
point. By the time he went home that evening, he had a few bags filled with
little things for Paul, his mother, his sister, and the rest of the family. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’d ordered the ballgag for Monty and had it
shipped to his office. They were friends now, and he expected Monty would
appreciate the tease. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">Much
later that night, while Paul slept soundly in their bed, Skip got online and
clicked a few links until he found a site that made custom plaques. The one he
chose was simple and tasteful. He thought it would look perfect mounted near
their front door. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-align: justify; text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;">The
words he had inscribed were meaningful to them both: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> </i></span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 150%;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Physicists Do It With Energy</i></span></div>
</div>
J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-42092945678708463822013-12-10T06:07:00.001-08:002013-12-10T06:07:37.640-08:00Some stuff!<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Maybe I should just make a goal to post quarterly? I could
probably swing that!</div>
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The reason I’m (finally!) getting a post out today is
because I’m super excited for a few things. </div>
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First, my awesome pal <a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/07201515471866539244" target="_blank">Nico Jaye</a> has a new title coming out
tomorrow! I got a sneak peak and, I
gotta say, it’s a sweet, fun, fantastic read. You can read more about <i>Different Strokes</i> (and
take advantage of the pre-order sale ^.^) <a href="http://www.lessthanthreepress.com/books/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=90&products_id=544" target="_blank">here</a>. And, check out these adorable
little guys that her friend whipped up. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEippEM4KqC6ye83NPhgWn2MWGC03MAF_Pw3N09nU3wLHLxocYRAkh6Xf2No1KnXG6kx96gh0Swv-_miJtFr90wlAa5i7XpJ4gEn7kTO1WrxSbtOZb6FZ12iCkpMY_WsmgVnX8ymC39q-CE/s1600/Darren.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEippEM4KqC6ye83NPhgWn2MWGC03MAF_Pw3N09nU3wLHLxocYRAkh6Xf2No1KnXG6kx96gh0Swv-_miJtFr90wlAa5i7XpJ4gEn7kTO1WrxSbtOZb6FZ12iCkpMY_WsmgVnX8ymC39q-CE/s320/Darren.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi41OPUC2I1atcoVLrhDlrbC9uwhD3w6KOPza1nD4xQblu7ThLHw22F1iDdMMrnMVT5G7zUMwBbDx41-6zf_Gge_jL2j-gKZpLhTIqqe3lvQHPB4Ot1U3AMWHN9rJurkFaqmmMlmAEY0Ks/s1600/Tomas.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi41OPUC2I1atcoVLrhDlrbC9uwhD3w6KOPza1nD4xQblu7ThLHw22F1iDdMMrnMVT5G7zUMwBbDx41-6zf_Gge_jL2j-gKZpLhTIqqe3lvQHPB4Ot1U3AMWHN9rJurkFaqmmMlmAEY0Ks/s320/Tomas.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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How could anyone resist those two? </div>
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Second, in the spirit of the holidays and giving,
Dreamspinner Press has teamed up with the <a href="http://www.lost-n-found.org/" target="_blank">Lost-N-Found Center</a> in Atlanta, Ga.
They’re hoping to make a happy holiday for some great kids. You can find all
the information <a href="http://elizabeth.dreamspinnerpress.com/2013/12/lost-n-found-spirit-of-christmas.html" target="_blank">here</a>.
Even a dollar will make a difference for this great cause. </div>
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Third,<a href="http://harmonyinkpress.com/" target="_blank"> Harmony Ink Press</a> is hosting a <a href="http://harmonyinkpress.com/submission-guidelines/open-calls-for-submission/" target="_blank">Young Author Challenge</a>. They’ve got an open call out for young authors ages 14-18 to submit
work for a young adult anthology. The best part? Whether a story is selected or
not the writer will receive feedback from a published author. You can get all
the details at their website. If you know a young author, send them over there!</div>
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And, lastly, it’s probably way too soon (seriously, <i>months</i> too soon) to say anything,
but, what the heck, I’m excited. I just got notice last night that my new title
was accepted by Dreamspinner Press. I’ll post more news on that when there is some actual news, but for now, yay! </div>
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I hope everyone is having a fantastic December and staying warm! </div>
J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-48323708589530935402013-06-28T10:29:00.002-07:002013-06-28T10:29:52.202-07:00Release day! And, ya know, stuff. First, my Love Has No Boundaries story went live today on Goodreads! You can find it <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/1387289-so-hot-with-love-by-jh-knight-6-28" target="_blank">here.</a> There are several other (awesome!) stories already posted for the event with links posted <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/topic/group_folder/172569" target="_blank">here. </a>
You do have to be a member, but it's a great group of readers and
writers with some hardworking, wonderful mods. If you haven't joined
yet, do it!<br />
<br />
In other news, I just want to share my
absolute joy over DOMA being struck down. It's been a long time coming
and my whole family rejoiced when the verdict was announced. That was a
great thing to wake up to on Tuesday morning.<br />
<br />
And, I'm
thrilled that the Mariners will be flying the rainbow flag for Sunday's
game. I'm not really a sports fan but my mother is. She said it made her
love her team a little bit more. I'll second that.<br />
<br />
What
a great week! I hope everyone out there is enjoying summer and doing
some fun stuff. The kids and I went camping for our season kickoff and
had a great time. Until we woke up at three in the morning on the last
day with rain pounding through the ceiling of our tent. That's camping
in the PNW, though. Gotta love it. :D<br />
<br />
<br />J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-37785547018650621432013-03-17T08:52:00.000-07:002013-03-17T08:52:55.698-07:00So much for a weekly update!I've been hiding in my writer cave for the last few weeks, but some fun stuff is happening so I guess I better get this post rolling.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=3627" target="_blank">A Simple Romance</a> came out on Wednesday! And, yes, I probably should have posted that, ya know, on Wednesday, but better late than never, right? <br />
<br />
And, in somewhat related news, today only, <a href="http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/index.php" target="_blank">Dreamspinner Press</a> is having a St. Patrick's Day special with site wide sales (A Simple Romance is %25 off right now!) along with some great free reads hidden around the site, so if you haven't yet, go check it out! <br />
<br />
I'm also super excited about what's going on over at <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/" target="_blank">goodreads</a> in the <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/group/show/20149-m-m-romance" target="_blank">M/M Romance Group</a>. They're starting their annual Don't Read in the Closet event! Love Has No Boundaries is going to be awesome. There are going to be a lot of stories by some incredibly talented writers (first timers and seasoned authors!) all offered for free. If you want to read some great stories, offer a prompt for someone to spark their muse, or join in the writing, check it out <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/1252088-love-has-no-boundaries-what-is-it" target="_blank">here</a>. I've already picked my prompt and started working on it. Don't tell my other WIP. >_><br />
<br />
You can read last year's stories <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/topic/group_folder/121724?group_id=20149" target="_blank">here!</a> Mine is in there somewhere, along with many others. You do have to be a member of the M/M Romance Group to check them out, but don't worry; they only bite if you ask them to. <br />
<br />
I hope everyone is having a great Sunday. I think I'm going to go celebrate St. Patrick's Day with a bowl of Lucky Charms. <br />
<br />
<br /><br />J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-41634362167997459922013-02-17T09:27:00.002-08:002013-02-17T09:27:56.948-08:00So, this was kind of awesome. It's official! <i>A Simple Romance</i> is on the "coming soon" list at Dreamspinner.<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm beyond excited and a little freaked out. *g*<br />
<br />
You can check it out <a href="http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=3627" target="_blank">here</a>!J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-60935068360927959922013-02-15T09:56:00.000-08:002013-12-10T06:08:49.149-08:00Out of the mouths of babes...My son told me about a conversation he had with one of his female friends (he's very careful not to call her his girlfriend...) the other day. It went something like this:<br />
<br />
<b>Friend</b>: What would you do if one of your best friends told you he’s bi?<br />
<b>Son</b>: …Congratulate him?<br />
<b>Friend</b>: No, seriously.<br />
<b>Son</b>: What? Seriously.<br />
<b>Friend</b>: It wouldn’t…freak you out a little?<br />
<b>Son</b>: Why should it? He’s coming out and accepting himself and wants his friends to accept him. That’s awesome.<br />
<b>Friend</b>: I don’t know…<br />
<b>Son</b>: He’s one of your best friends, right? Being bi or gay doesn’t change who he is or what you liked about him. Really, it’s like…part of who he was all along, part of what made him the person you liked to begin with. Why should telling you make you feel any different?<br />
<br />
<br />
As a parent, I've tried to raise my kids to be open-minded, good people. I'm so grateful that some of what I've tried to teach them has made a difference. He told me that, after they talked, she agreed that it shouldn't be a big deal and isn't going to change how she treats her friend. <br />
<br />
I only know a little about her and even less about the boy she was talking about, but I do know that they both attend the same church and I know that church doesn’t exactly embrace the LGBT community. I hope he has an easier time of it now, and that her example opens the door for other people to support him. <br />
<br />
My heart goes out to him, and all the other kids out there, treading water and waiting for a helping hand out of the deep end. Maybe if there are more conversations like the one my son had with his friend, there will be fewer tragedies.<br />
<br />
One can hope, at least.
J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-49067040836200698602013-02-07T07:03:00.000-08:002013-02-07T07:05:47.416-08:00Positively hard to do. A friend of mine is trying to go an entire day without saying anything negative or having any negative thoughts. Basically, you set a 24 hour timer and if you catch yourself having a negative thought or saying anything negative, you correct yourself and start your timer over again. I don't consider myself a negative person, so I thought I'd try it with her. HA. It's harder than it sounds. After resetting my timer 30-some odd times in less than a week, I gave up.<br />
<br />
If you've ever watched the show Friends, it was a lot like Chandler trying not to make fun of his friends for his New Year's resolution. <br />
<br />
I was kind of shocked at how many "hidden" negative thoughts I have throughout the day. It really put a spotlight on the areas I need to improve my outlook. For me, a big trigger was traffic. I would have to reset that little timer two or three times just to run to the store. I won't even go into the trials of trying to shop for shoes with a positive outlook. <br />
<br />
So, no, I didn't get through an entire day without a negative thought, but now, when someone cuts me off or drives fifteen miles an hour <i>under</i> the speed limit, instead of getting annoyed, I say things like "I hope that person gets home safely!" Or "Maybe the very slow person in front of me is saving me from having an accident." On particularly hectic mornings just that simple adjustment feels like a triumph but I've also noticed it seems to make my day go better.<br />
<br />
If anyone else out there has tried this experiment, I'd love to hear how it went! <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-81474531460765606752013-01-28T09:24:00.000-08:002013-01-28T09:24:00.592-08:00lolGetting in the car this morning, my teenagers and I caught part of a news cast. "...cocks roaming the street." I have no idea why or where these cocks are roaming or what the rest of it said because we were laughing too loudly to hear it before my son popped in Flogging Molly for our morning commute. <br />
<br />
If anyone else caught this broadcast, please fill me in! I'm sure they were talking about roosters on the loose, but my mind automatically jumped to disembodied penises wandering the streets. Some in little suits and ties, others with piercings and studded cock rings. And the one little depressed one flopping around, all flaccid. <br />
<br />
At least it made for a humorous drive. J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2608948413853965840.post-60808485087709293952013-01-23T14:04:00.000-08:002013-02-07T06:36:05.035-08:00Gotta start somewhere…I’ve had this blog set up since…August? So, five months later, how about a first post?<br />
<br />
Back in August, I submitted my first manuscript to Dreamspinner Press. A short while later <i>A Simple Romance</i> was accepted. I’ve been mostly in denial since then. Last week my denial took a serious blow when I got my first batch of edits. It was overwhelming and, at the same time, a wonderful experience. I still feel like I owe the poor soul that got saddled with my manuscript something more than a heartfelt thank you. She had her work cut out for her and did a fantastic job. The day I returned my edits to them was the day I got my final cover art. Denial is officially over. I’ve got a book coming out sometime in March and I have the gorgeous cover to prove it!<br />
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<br />
I’m still not sure what I’ll be doing on here. Most likely I’ll end up posting little free reads and the occasional recipe. My goal is a weekly update. Let’s see how that works out.
J.H. Knighthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07214476221672526859noreply@blogger.com2