So, Tommy and Bobby decided they needed a little
Christmas story. Well, Bobby decided. Tommy, frankly, couldn’t give a shit.
Bobby loves him anyway.
Huge thanks to Nico Jaye for looking it over in a
flash! Not only is she a crazy talented writer, she’s a hell of a friend. :)
I’m going to settle in and watch The Grinch with my (not
so young) younglings now.
I hope everyone reading this has a wonderful holiday
season with many joys in the coming year!
Everything
He Needs
Word Count: 4K+
Characters: Tommy and Bobby from The Last Thing He Needs
Content Warnings: Overly sentimental and heavy on
the sap because that’s just how I roll this time of year.
“Tom.” Bobby wasn’t annoyed, exactly, but Tommy
could tell he was getting tired of the debate. Tommy was too, for that matter,
but no matter what he said, Bobby wouldn’t back down. “It’s been almost a year,
and you still act like everything good in your life is temporary. I’m trying
like hell to be patient, but you’ve gotta give me a break here.”
Tommy let out an exasperated huff. The store was
crowded, his coat was hot, and the scarf around his neck seemed to be getting
tighter. “Fine,” he muttered. He tossed the phone cases for Colleen and Mike
into his cart and watched them slide down to the bottom through a pile of toys
and other shit no one needed.
Bobby snorted a laugh. “You act like I’m asking you
to give up a kidney.” As they moved on from the electronics department, Bobby
laughed again. “Actually, I think it’d be easier to talk you into donating an
organ to one of the kids.”
He shot Bobby a narrow glance. “Yeah, well, their
lives don’t depend on getting new phone cases or doll houses and whatever the
hell else you’ve snuck into your cart.” Not that the doll house for Zoe was a
secret from Tommy, but he wagered Bobby would’ve done it on the sly if he
thought he could get away with it.
“The doll house is from Santa, it doesn’t count.”
Tommy rolled his eyes. “And the matching trikes I
keep tripping over in the bedroom?”
“Those too.” Bobby had become very interested in a
display of glass ornaments, but it seemed more likely he was avoiding Tommy. After
a beat, Bobby said, “They’re too hard to wrap, it makes more sense for them to
be left out on Christmas Eve.”
At least the bastard had the decency to sound a
little guilty about it.
“Right.” There was no point in arguing. It was their
first Christmas as a family. Judy had used the excuse early on and it had
stuck. This one had to be special. This one had to be one the kids would always
remember. By next year, Colleen might be in her own apartment and Mike wasn’t
far behind her.
Their lives had turned around on a dime and maybe
Bobby was right. Maybe it was time for Tommy to start accepting it.
He didn’t laugh when Bobby tucked an art set for
Carrie into his cart, but he didn’t resist either. He did put his foot down
when Bobby tried to make him pick out an ‘our first Christmas’ ornament. Bobby
had been leaning toward one in the shape of a little house with snow on the
roof, edged in tiny little Christmas lights. It had the year written in gold
over the door.
“We could probably find one online with two guys
under the mistletoe or something….” Bobby was seriously debating this. “But I
think this one is better, ya know? What with the kids and all….” When Tommy
arched a brow, Bobby said, “What? Too sentimental for you?” His voice carried a
tease, but there was a hint of embarrassment tangled up in it too.
“I was thinking cheesy, but we can go with
sentimental.”
Bobby put the ornament back on the fake tree and
laughed. “Fine, asshole. No cheese for Christmas. This year.”
“I just don’t know why you wanna waste money on
something like that.”
Pushing his cart ahead a few more feet, Bobby turned
to look at Tommy. “It’s not a waste. It’s a… a reminder, years later.”
Tommy nearly changed his mind, but when he looked at
the two shopping carts, both overflowing, he decided they’d done enough damage
for a lifetime, let alone one holiday. And that stupid little ornament was over
twenty bucks, for fuck sake.
“If I can’t remember you in a few years without an
overpriced light up ornament, we’ve got bigger problems.”
With another laugh, Bobby said, “You’re such a
romantic.”
“Never been accused of that one.”
“Believe me, I know.” The tease was clear in Bobby’s
voice. Not a trace of irritation, or even disappointment. “What about when
we’re old and senile?”
“Then every Christmas will be our first Christmas
together.”
****
He managed to drag Bobby out of the store without
adding anything else to their carts. That felt like a Christmas miracle in
itself. They’d gotten three things for each of the kids to open. Plus Santa. It
didn’t sound like much, but when you multiplied it by seven and compared it to
every other Christmas they’d ever known, it added up fast. There had only been
two Scrooge jokes from Bobby and one comment from Tommy about spoiling them. As
compromises go, they did okay.
When they got home, they stashed everything in their
little garage apartment. Bobby tossed a sheet over the pile. “Just in case the
kids come in here before we get everything wrapped.” By the look on his face,
all those presents could’ve been for him. Tommy didn’t think he’d ever seen
Bobby so happy.
“You look like a little kid yourself, copper.”
Bobby slid his arms around Tommy’s waist and pulled
him close. “It’s Christmas, we’re all supposed act like little kids.”
He couldn’t help a small laugh as he leaned in,
grinning against Bobby’s soft kiss. “If you say so.”
Unfortunately, a few kisses were all they had time
for. Bobby had less than a half hour to eat and get ready for his shift.
After they said their goodbyes, Tommy went next door
to Judy’s. The kids were all scattered, picking at homework and chores, but Max
toddled over to him with his arms up as soon as he saw Tommy.
“Oh, good, you’re home.” Judy looked relieved when
he walked into the kitchen. “I needed to talk to you.”
Tommy never liked the sound of that, but he kissed
Max’s cheek and set him down. Judy passed him a cookie before he could run off
to the other room.
Without commenting on the cookie for Max, Tommy
asked, “What’s up, Madam M?”
Judy wiped her hands on a bright red dishtowel,
smiled, and nodded toward the living room. “Did you get your Christmas shopping
done?”
“All but Bobby.” He had no idea what to get Bobby.
The guy had everything he needed, and damn near everything he wanted. When
Tommy had asked him what he’d like for Christmas, Bobby’s unhelpful response
was you. Safe to say, that one had
already been delivered.
He followed Judy past the eight foot Christmas tree,
around the coffee table, and collapsed onto the couch.
“Well,” Judy said, picking up a small stack of
notebook paper. “I guess I’m a little late, then, but I wanted to share
something with you.”
She knew how to catch his attention. Tommy sat up
and leaned forward.
“The other day, I asked the children to give me
their Christmas lists.” Judy thumbed through the papers and then looked at
Tommy. “I got the impression they’d never done that before.”
Tommy shrugged. Christ knew there’d never been a
point to writing out a list of wishes in their family. Last year was the
closest they’d ever come when Carrie and Collin told Santa what they wanted.
Two things each, Tommy remembered. Collin had wanted a new pair of shoes and a
puppy and Carrie had asked for pretty hairclips and a book.
Judy nodded, as if Tommy’s shrug had been
confirmation. “When I asked this year, I had expected… I don’t know, maybe a
laptop or an iPod, something… big,
something they can’t get every day.”
There was something unsettling about the look on
Judy’s face. “What’d they ask for?”
Reading from the paper in her hand, Judy said,
“Colleen says: I don’t really know what I want. I love the phone you got me for
my birthday and that feels like more than enough. What I’d really like is to
get something special for Tommy. He’s a pain—she’s scratched something out
here, but I’m fairly certain it was in
the ass—to shop for, but I’d like to think of something for him. If you
have any ideas, please let me know.”
Tommy didn’t trust himself to speak, even if he knew
what to say, but he could feel his eyes pricking.
Judy looked pointedly at him and set Colleen’s paper
on the table. “We’ll put a pin in that one for the moment.” She looked at the
next one on the stack. “Mike says: I can’t really think of anything I want, not
as far as presents go. But, I think it would be really cool if we could have a
fancy Christmas dinner. The kind with really nice plates and matching glasses
and pretty napkins and stuff. I saw this lamb roast on a cooking show last week
and it looked really good. I’ve never tasted lamb. I’d help cook and clean up
and everything, but that’s what I’d like most. If we can’t do that, it’s okay,
but I’ve always thought that would be nice.” By the time she finished, Judy’s
eyes were shining and she had to pause for a breath. “He added at the bottom:
Can you think of anything to get Tommy? I have a few ideas, but I’m not sure. I
want it to be something special this year.”
Judy and Tommy sniffled at the same time and a hint
of a smile flickered across Judy’s face before she read the next paper. “Davey
says: If it’s not too much, I’d like a new pair of earbuds. Only one ear works
on mine now, and it kind of crackles. Can we get something for Tommy too? I
don’t know what, but something.”
She set his paper aside and looked at Tommy. “Are
you recognizing a theme?” Thankfully she didn’t wait for an answer before
looking at the next wishlist. “Carrie says: I’d like some new hairclips and
maybe a pretty dress—She put a question mark there, not a period. Just so you
know. She went on to add: Nothing fancy or anything. If it’s not too much,
maybe some paints, too. And, I know what I’m doing for Tommy and Bobby, but
what would you like, Judy?”
For fuck sake. Was she trying to kill him? When Judy
smirked, Tommy wiped his eyes and asked, “What?”
“Nothing. I just thought I saw your heart grow three
sizes.”
“I’m not a Grinch.” He wasn’t. Really. “I just don’t
want ‘em spoiled is all. There’s nothing wrong with limits.”
He expected an argument, but instead Judy said, “I
agree. Limits are vital. But these kids could be millionaires and not be
spoiled. Coming from where they started out, they will never ask for much. And
that’s almost worse than being spoiled sometimes.”
Goddamn it all. “So I’m supposed to…what? Force them
to dream big?”
Judy titled her head to the side, looking like she
was thinking. “Yes, actually. But, mostly, they follow your example in
everything, Tommy. What’s the last thing you asked for?” When Tommy opened his
mouth, Judy raised her hand to stop him. “For yourself.”
Tommy couldn’t remember. Come to think of it, the
only thing he’d ever asked for was forgiveness from Bobby on more than one
occasion.
And really, when it came right down to it, he had
more for himself now than he’d ever hoped for. Safe home, healthy kids, a
little money in the bank, fulltime work. And Bobby. Most of all, Bobby. “I
don’t need anything else.” It took
him a long time to say that.
“Wanting things is good, Tommy. Healthy, even.” When
he started to say something else—not even he knew what that would be—Judy said,
“There’s one more.” She looked at the last letter. “Collin says: I’d really
like a puppy or a kitten. A dog might tear up the yard, though, so maybe just a
kitten. I’d clean up after it and take care of it. I could even use my
allowance for food and stuff so it wouldn’t cost extra. But, the twins might
get in the litter box. Maybe a cat or a dog is a bad idea. I’d really like one,
but maybe it’s too much trouble. There’s a toy drive at school. Maybe I could
just get something really cool to donate? It’s sad to think about all the kids
out there who don’t have anything, even less than we used to. It would be
awesome if we could make someone’s Christmas, know what I mean? PS, what should
we get Tommy?”
He suddenly wished Judy really was trying to kill
him. Who knew hearing Christmas lists could be the hardest part of a person’s
day? Davey was smart enough—and shifty enough, frankly—to fake a slim Christmas
list to pull a few sympathy strings, but he didn’t think that was the case. Tommy
was learning that selflessness was a hard habit to break, especially when it
had been instilled in you at birth.
Tommy stood up suddenly, feeling restless and maybe
even a little annoyed. He paced the floor once or twice and then paused in
front of the tree. Lights sparkled against red garland and dozens of ornaments
hung from the branches. A pair of silver turtledoves caught his eye. They were
wrapped in a banner with 1976 etched
into the plating. “What’s this?”
Judy stood next to him and reached for the ornament.
She touched it carefully, as if it might break, even though that didn’t seem
possible. “Warren gave that to me on our first Christmas after we were
married.” She sounded happy and sad at the same time.
On another branch close by, Tommy noticed a silver
rattle with a green ribbon tied through the handle. The year of Bobby’s birth
was etched into it. “Bobby’s first Christmas?”
Judy grinned and nodded. “And he made this one for
me when he was five.” She reached higher and pointed out a little glitter
snowflake. Most of the glitter had fallen off, but it still sparkled.
“Christmas trees aren’t just for decoration. They’re where we hang our hopes
and dreams, our blessings, and our
memories.”
How she could say all that and not cry was beyond
Tommy. Even he was choking up. Between Judy and the kids, he wasn’t going to
make it to the new year without some kind of emotional breakdown.
Tommy glanced at Judy when she spoke again. “Every
year, I take these out and I remember what was happening in our lives. What
Bobby looked like when he hung this on the tree for the first time. What my
husband said to me our first year, when we were too poor for a real tree and
he’d made one out of fallen branches, how he made me laugh. Christmas is family
and love and hope for an even better tomorrow.”
In Tommy’s world, Christmas was an extra expense, a
letdown, and a hassle.
But between the two of them, Tommy knew the kids
deserved Judy’s version.
“I gotta get outta here.”
Judy watched, a surprised look on her face as Tommy
made his quick retreat.
“Please think about it, Tommy.”
He only nodded in response, not sure she even saw
him as he closed the door behind him.
The bells on the doorknob jingled cheerfully.
****
When he and Bobby had gone shopping early that
morning, they’d decided on a one-stop trip at the local all-in-one store. Tommy
had insisted.
Now, though, gripping the steering wheel like he was
trying to throttle it, Tommy pulled into the mall parking lot.
He muttered to himself as he got out of the car, “I
should tell ‘em all I want a carton of Marlboros for Christmas.” He’d found a
spot, but it was on the back lot, a hundred miles from the entrance. “I’d spend
the day on the front porch, smoke the whole damn thing.” It’d been months since
he caved and had one, but damn it all, when he tried to think of what he really
wanted, that was all that came to mind. He decided to drop the train of thought
before he broke down and bought himself a pack.
He didn’t feel like he had money to burn, not
really, but when Tommy looked at the totals in his (first ever) checking
account, he felt like he’d won the lottery. Gene had made him a fulltime
bartender—complete with a nice raise and sometimes really nice tips—and Tommy
had been saving his pennies ever since he’d moved in with Bobby. It was easy to
do since the guy wouldn’t take anything for rent. “I don’t even pay rent, why the hell should you?” Bobby had said,
and he had a point there, but it still felt wrong sometimes, felt like charity.
Tommy paused as he pulled open the heavy glass door
to the main entrance and wondered if there would be anything left of his
savings when the day was done. Thinking back on the lists the kids had given
Judy, he decided it didn’t matter. Judy wasn’t about to kick them out in the
streets, and even if her house burned to the ground too, Tommy wagered
that—unlike them—she was heavily insured.
For the first time in his life, Tommy O’Shea chose
not to worry what fresh hell was lurking around the corner. He decided to teach
the kids to dream big.
Or, at least to dream medium.
****
Several hours later, Tommy sat in the middle of the
floor surrounded by paper and ribbon and bows. He’d managed to wrap about half
of the presents when Bobby came home.
“You’ve been busy.” Bobby kicked off his shoes,
pausing to lean down for a kiss before he made his way to their bedroom.
“Had the night off, remember?”
Bobby grunted in acknowledgment, but didn’t say
anything else. He was used to finding Tommy in the middle of something when he
came home at the end of a shift. On his days off, Tommy cleaned gutters and
scraped moss off the roof, mowed the lawn, and anything else he could think to
do. Living most of his life under a cloud of frantic worry with one fucking
crisis after another dogging him day in and day out had turned Tommy into a
restless ball of energy when he wasn’t busy.
Less than twenty minutes later, Bobby joined him on
the floor, fresh from the shower in a clean pair of sweats.
“How’d it go today?” Tommy wasn’t sure if he really
wanted to know the truth, but he asked every day anyway.
Bobby seemed to know how Tommy felt and his answer
was almost always the same. “Nothing too major, usual bullshit.” He laughed
then and added, “I got a Christmas card from a woman whose son I hauled in last
month for trying to shoplift a bottle of booze. She said he’s been doing well
ever since and thanked me for putting the fear of God into him.”
“That’s a lot better than the one who tried to slug
ya for it the other day.”
“Agreed.” Bobby reached for the nearest box and
lifted the lid. “Did you buy more stuff?” He pulled back the tissue paper and
found a fancy velvet dress inside. The box was huge because of the fluffy
skirt. Tommy figured Carrie could wear it for their Christmas dinner. He didn’t
know what a lamb roast would cost, or what the hell it was even called, but he
was going to find out tomorrow.
Tommy shrugged. “I had coupons for that store on the
mall so I got Carrie a few things.”
Glancing around, Bobby asked, “Why are there two
Xboxes?”
“Santa thought the older kids should get something
too.”
Bobby was obviously confused. “Why two, though?”
“They were on special, ya know? And they came with
free games. Collin wanted to donate something nice to the toy drive at school
and tomorrow is the last day before winter break.”
“What the hell happened to you today?”
Tommy laughed and passed Bobby a roll of wrapping
paper. “My Grinch heart grew three sizes, apparently.”
Bobby didn’t quite cackle, but it was close enough.
“You mean you spent the afternoon with my mother.”
“Afternoon, hell. She had me in less than a half
hour.”
****
The next day, Bobby was off and Tommy didn’t have to
go in until eight. They spent the morning in bed and then moved all the
presents—all but Santa’s contribution—into Judy’s living room. When the kids
came home from school, half the living room was piled high with presents. Davey
dove straight for the tree and started sorting through the packages, shaking
the ones with his name on them.
Colleen looked like she was going to cry. “This is
too much, Tommy.”
“Yeah, well.” Tommy pulled her close and kissed the
top of her head. He almost told her not to expect it every year, or to just
enjoy it while it lasts, but instead he said, “It’s all socks and underwear,
don’t get too excited.”
“That’s a lot
of socks and underwear.” Colleen laughed and hugged him tight.
Judy watched the kids sort through the presents and
laughed when Zoe kept saying, “Open ‘dis one!” Mostly she looked at Tommy with
a bright smile on her face and something close to smug triumph in her eyes.
Bobby picked Zoe up and kissed her cheek. “You can’t
open any of them for almost a week, Zoe.” She giggled and squirmed out of his
arms.
Tommy hadn’t considered what a pain in the ass it
would be keeping the twins—not to mention Davey and Collin—off the presents
until Christmas morning. “Maybe we should put up a fence or something.”
“Maybe we should let them enjoy it.” Bobby whispered
against Tommy’s ear.
“Maybe so, copper.” He relaxed against Bobby and
reminded himself that he wasn’t spoiling them, he was making up for a lot of
lost years. “Oh, before I forget,” Tommy said, loudly so everyone could hear.
He pulled out a piece of paper from his back pocket and handed it to Davey.
“Here’s my list. One of everything should do.”
Davey looked at it and laughed. “A trip to Mexico,
I’ll get right on that, Tommy.”
Tommy had put everything he could think of on that
stupid list. Cologne that some sales girl had sprayed on him, because Bobby
smelled him all afternoon after that. A new wallet. More pictures of the kids.
Handprints from Max and Zoe. Small stuff the kids could do for free and big
stuff he knew he wouldn’t get, but, what the hell. He was trying to lead by
example. “Well, someone told me I should dream big. I bet I could dream up
something big on a beach.”
Colleen snatched the list out of Davey’s hand and
Mike leaned over her shoulder to read it with her. Only the babies were still
interested in the pile of presents under the tree. Jesus.
Bobby took a deep breath against Tommy’s neck and
whispered, “I’m going to need to see your ID. You’re doing a piss poor
impersonation of my Tom.”
Tommy laughed and turned in Bobby’s arms. “Oh, I’m
still yours. It’s not my fault your mother is right every damn time I turn
around.”
“You should say that louder so she can hear,” Bobby
laughed softly and kissed Tommy again before going on. “Then we wouldn’t have
to buy her something for Christmas.”
Tommy couldn’t help but grin. “I already got her
somethin’.”
“You gonna tell me what it is?”
“Nah, you can wait until Christmas, but you can have
one of yours now.” He pulled Bobby away from the kids, into the kitchen. On the
counter was a little box, wrapped in red foil with a glittery green bow on top.
Presentation was becoming a priority to Tommy. Who knew?
Bobby shook it and then ripped the paper off in one
quick motion. So much for presentation.
He didn’t say anything at first, just stared.
Finally, one word came out of Bobby’s mouth. “Bullshit.” He looked like he
didn’t believe it, but he was grinning, his eyes bright with obvious emotion.
Tommy had never been hugged so hard in his life. “I
take it that’s the right one?”
“Yeah it is.” Bobby whispered. He held the ornament
in his hand against Tommy’s back and Tommy wondered if Bobby was still looking
at it over his shoulder. “This means a lot to me, Tom.” The tough cop was
sniffling, for Christ sake.
“I can tell.” Maybe Tommy sniffled a little himself.
He really did have everything he needed, right there
in his arms. Maybe Bobby did too.
Tommy decided he’d tell Bobby about Collin’s puppy
later.
